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Re: I need to be courageous

PostPosted: Wed Jan 17, 2018 6:20 pm
by Mona58
I think you already have a strong mind. You seem to need something challenging... an activity that is vigorous perhaps.... a personal trainer? Tai chi... swimming... get a tampoline? lol

Re: I need to be courageous

PostPosted: Wed Jan 17, 2018 3:10 pm
by Jasmine
Hi Mona,
I read things about some strategies to reduce money obsession and I will give it a go. But to be honest, I like to read about how to get rich more :p I think I always have a tendency of being an addict in everyday life, not only gambling. When I was working, I was workaholic. I like gardening and I would spend my whole weekend doing it. Bunnings used to have all my pays. Well at least, I feel good seeing all those beautiful plants at home. I also used to think how nice it'd be if I was to be addicted to exercise so that I could lose all my fat :D

To be honest, I still have to think of more strategies as I don't really know yet. At least, now I feel I am in a better position than last week. I am honest to my husband. I don't have any more debt to worry about. I don't handle money and credit cards.

Now I also volunteer my free time to help some disadvantaged people in my local community (two evenings per week). Hopefully, it helps me to occupy my time and feel good about myself. I also enrol myself into a postgraduate course.

My focus now is that I have to go back to my daily meditation as it worked for me for a while. Right now, I believe it's important for me to have a strong mind first.

Re: I need to be courageous

PostPosted: Wed Jan 17, 2018 1:44 pm
by Mona58
I think I am the opposite to you... I actually loath money, I'm happy and consider myself a rich poor person!

What are you going to do Jasmine?

How are you going fill the void that gambling filled?

We have to set realistic goals. Mine is hopefully getting back to Uni if that fails its ok I'll find something else. I've tried so many things in the past and when they didn't work out I'd gone to the pokies. (Actually probably went before that too ... loI) Now l think back and I wonder if pokies actually ruined my chances because gambling changes our demeanour and attitudes. So I'm kind of going to try some of the same things I did before with new rigour.

Re: I need to be courageous

PostPosted: Wed Jan 17, 2018 12:15 pm
by Jasmine
I agree. Once an addict, always an addict. It's sad to be but it is something beyond our control. We can always try out best.
Mona, I am really obsessed with money. I always want to have more and more. I could at least try to moderate my money obsession or try to earn it. This is certainly one of many triggers for me to gamble. Another would be that I don't manage myself very well when I get upset or bored. Gambling tends to make me feel the pain and excitement when I am bored. It makes me feel alive I guess. Or when I am upset, it makes me forget.
I am sure I will be triggered again despite now being debt-free. I certainly need to stop as I think the stress from gambling really affects my body and mind. I feel the body aches every time I am upset or emotionally stimulated on my bets. Sometimes, I am so scared if I would get cancer or any other illness caused by my emotional ups and downs.

Re: I need to be courageous

PostPosted: Sat Jan 13, 2018 10:05 pm
by Mona58
Well done jasmine,

It is not really about being obsessed with money, You have money before you gamble. You had 3 months GF ... go back to that moment you "decided" to gamble again. What was it that made you gamble again? If you can understand or pinpoint that moment you can fight it next time it happens. What were you looking for? ... What was missing in your life at that moment you succumbed to temptation and gambled again?

As pokies addicts we have to be "forever" on our guard. When "pokies" so much as enters my thought ... l think wooh! NO NO! l DO NOT GAMBLE anymore. ... NOT TODAY... Life is too precious TODAY!

Stay Strong jasmine.... focus on ONE DAY at a time!

Re: I need to be courageous

PostPosted: Sat Jan 13, 2018 8:51 pm
by Jasmine
After posting the message, I made my husband a breakfast and I decided to talk with him. I started telling him about my debt. He asked me to tell him all the details. This is the third time we had the conversation on my gambling problem since we have been together for 13 years.

He was very supportive and paid off all my credit card debts. It is a huge lift off my chest. Then he took all my cards, debit and credit. He said I'd need to ask him for money when I need it. There was no anger but he said he felt sorry for me and that he wishes he could help more than he could now. He told me that I need to be open and ask for help early as this would happen again. He knkws it's hard for me to control myself with addictions problem. I cried a lot this morning...shame, guilt, anger and disappointment. I am so grateful to have a supportive husband like him. At least, now I can start my life from zero, not minus. I feel so relieved but determined.

I will see a counsellor as I still need help in working out how to not be obsessed with money and how to manage stress in a better way.

Thank you all for your support. I am so grateful.

BYE Pokies! I hope I don't see you again.

Re: I need to be courageous

PostPosted: Sat Jan 13, 2018 7:44 pm
by fray
Dont transfer the money, because if like me it would be on the credit card to use again, to tempting for the devil to con you in to playing it to win and replace it.

You won't win, just be 12000 down.

Leave it, your hubby will hopefully understand and support you.

Gambling sucks and it is destroying our lives. Enough is enough. Cut our losses and say no.

All the best

Re: I need to be courageous

PostPosted: Sat Jan 13, 2018 4:57 pm
by Mona58
Hi Jasmine,

You already have the answers.

Be courageous and strong.

Mona in day 91 GF

I need to be courageous

PostPosted: Sat Jan 13, 2018 6:44 am
by Jasmine

After a relapse last week, I feel so much pain in my body and head. I was GF for 3 months and then, bang! My credit card debt reaches the max again.

I feel very tired. Keeping secret to myself is the worst thing right now. I can't sleep well and I lost interest in everything. I have three doctor appointments during the next couple of weeks and I have no money to pay for, so I think I have to cancel them all. This is so bad that I am 40s and can't prioritise things in life.

This morning, I woke up. Lying in bed and thinking, I want to restart everything (again) seriously. I turned to look at my husband and I feel so horrible. He knows nothing about my gambling this time. He doesn't know I spent all his hard earned money on the pokies. I was thinking how I am going to do this to him but I can't be secretive anymore. I need to tell him and I need all money to be taken away from me. I don't want to be able to access money in our joint account. I am scared I will lose everything. But right now, what I am scared of the most is 'what if he leaves me!?', 'how will he feel toward me!?', etc.

Alternatively, I think of just transferring $6,000 in our joint account to pay off my credit card debt and hope that he wouldn't find out. Then, I just restart my life without gambling. However, I think he would know as he usually checks the transactions in the account. If that happens, how do I tell him....

God gives me strengths! I need to be honest and I deserve a good life.