Payday blues...

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Re: Payday blues...

Postby Mona58 » Wed Oct 25, 2017 6:20 am

Last night I went to bed thinking of recovery and of how life will be gamble free.

This morning I answered some posts ... feeling the pain of relapses and struggles with urges and said to myself I don't want that...

I will do everything in my power to be gamble free .

l will overcome the emotional confusion of the new me as best as I can!

I will NOT let the past dictate the future!

Mona in day 11 ... feeling good this morning!
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.~Confucius
Mona58
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Re: Payday blues...

Postby Mona58 » Tue Oct 24, 2017 7:03 pm

Thank-you Jeddie,

Wasn't an easy day. But feeling ok now.

Mona on Day IO GF!
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.~Confucius
Mona58
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Re: Payday blues...

Postby Jeddie » Tue Oct 24, 2017 10:55 am

Well done you, tears are good x
IN GAMBLING THE MANY MUST LOSE IN ORDER THAT THE FEW MAY WIN
George Bernard Shaw
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Re: Payday blues...

Postby Mona58 » Tue Oct 24, 2017 10:51 am

Walked pass two venues blindly... saw doctor and told her quickly thenpromptly burst into tears! as I related what had been going on with me the last couple of weeks ... took up over half an hour of her time... bawling my eyes out! .... walk pass the two venues on my way home not an inkling of desire nor acknowledgement of those ... you know what! ... near got run over by a bus ... arrived home and promptly burst into tears again! wiped them up... took a deep breathe and here l am!

Well done me!

Mona in day 10 and a half!
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.~Confucius
Mona58
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Re: Payday blues...

Postby Mona58 » Tue Oct 24, 2017 5:30 am

Have an appointment which will take me pass 2 Venues ... not taking purse . feeling vulnerable .
Mona in day 10
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.~Confucius
Mona58
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Re: Payday blues...

Postby Mona58 » Mon Oct 23, 2017 7:57 pm

Day 9 GF ... had done a lot of reflecting could not concentrate on anything else. Then had a txt conversation with a friend and ended up really really angry ... wrote things down in a journal. Feeling quite numb & empty right now...
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.~Confucius
Mona58
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Re: Payday blues...

Postby Mona58 » Mon Oct 23, 2017 11:53 am

passed the morning reading a book, doing bit of ironing which I don't like thus takes me a week to finish! .. doing some cooking as I had been taking my stepmother frozen meals ... And thinking about my daughter ...

Thinking about those times I'd be at pokies when she was teenager leaving her home as I'd thought she's old enough to look after herself and be in company of friends... this in turn refreshed my memory of the times I was alone at home as a teenager when my father was at Two-up ... those nights I'd feel anxious and would pull the bed over the door..... and l cried... oh my god!... and those times l struggled with alcoholism as well... it just all makes senses her anxiety and low self esteem issues and like me she says she fine... I have much amends to make!

Mona in day 9 GF ... sad now but will be ok! more determined than ever!
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.~Confucius
Mona58
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Re: Payday blues...

Postby Mona58 » Mon Oct 23, 2017 6:37 am

This time last week I was scared of payday ... in tears and feeling hopelessly lost ... reading posts .-finding my way around this site ... reading everything I find on overcoming the gambling addiction ...

At the moment I feel ok and wonder what I will do today . It is a nice wet day outside and the garden is happy .

Mona in day 9 ready to begin the day.
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.~Confucius
Mona58
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Re: Payday blues...

Postby Mona58 » Sun Oct 22, 2017 8:09 pm

Hi DFP

Thank you for your post, That was my initial thought. Live in the moment being mindful of now! And to find out how others recovered from gambling addiction.

I totally agree with your second paragraph!

When I joined and began reading the posts it triggered memories ... therefore I felt I had to follow them through they became the moment! I'm all for "things happen ing for a reason!"

Like your reminding me I need a new pair of runners! lol . Not that I plan to take up running at my age.... but then... no! I don't think so!

Mona in day 8 GF feeling normal!
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.~Confucius
Mona58
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Posts: 870
Joined: Sun Oct 15, 2017 11:44 am

Re: Payday blues...

Postby Mona58 » Sun Oct 22, 2017 7:49 pm

Hi Jeddie'

I had always felt that ones upbringing influences ones paths in life and understanding it can help us fix things.

We cannot fix something if we don't know what the problem is. And by talking with my daughter about it .-not too often though - I may well prevent her taking that path. So many young people experience mental health issues because they don't know why ... This is but one reason...

I spent the rest of last evening reading one thing after another... it all started with a google search on Two-up and coming across Nappy Ollington (a name my father had mentioned) which lead to Chopper Read ... leading to the West where l grew up ... the further it went the more my jaw dropped... it was fascinating. If Dad were still here I would give him a very very stern talkIng to! Lol! The older generation rarely talked about problems ... bottling things up is not ideal In my opinion . It will only fester and make me miserable! ...

Then l ended up at my old high school 's facebook site. I don't have facebook I don't like it.

l love history and could spend alll day on my tablet reading one thing after another. I'm especially addicted to Wikipedia.

I'm pleased I enticed you to post and thank you! It really is good to know one is not alone . Congratulations on 22 days.

Mona in day 8 GF feeling normal!
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.~Confucius
Mona58
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Posts: 870
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