Payday blues...

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Re: Payday blues...

Postby Mona58 » Tue Dec 05, 2017 8:24 am

Thank-you Oregon '

I had read that before and seriously THANK-you for reminding me to read it again.

That heart thumping in the post office queue was a result of having fought a urge... It is just so weird the physical impact. Conciously I did Not have a urge to gamble... so it makes it even more strange. I carry a fear of relapse / lapses that leaves me mentally and physically drained each time I have to walk pass those D-Dens:-especially when something comes up that leaves me vulnerable --those triggers. I do find though that I am able to deal with these much better than had l still been gambling!

I did have limited cash on me and had left both my cards at home as I did not need them yesterday. I avoided crossing the road after the post office = went to the Op shop found (and brought) 2 knitted knee high dwarfs they were only $2 each and so cute! l love knitting and lately I'd collected some pre-loved handmade dolls. I had made a few rag-dolls' knitted and sewed clothes for these during those breaks from uni and those times I'd tried stop gambling (before finding this site) or when I'd no money left from gambling... I also collect odd pieces of dinner sets and have an array of odd plates etc -. So my meals are never boring with a variety of plates and bowls to choose from based what mood I'm in! I have this thing that when I'm sorta feeling lowly I'd pick my brightest bowl to have my breakfast in! Yeah ok call me weird! But its 'not my fault I was born when I was! Some-one once told me I was eccentric and I said oh have you been reading my star sign?

l had earlier found and been reading "news and articles" (at top right corner of this site) I'd not noticed it previously... things happen when they are meant to, And..... Oh I so love those mind-boggling academic articles! Makes me so so miss Uni! they better let me back in next year ... or I'll argh!...

So Oregon THANK-you for posting in my tread! I really really appreciate all the support I get from every-one... I know I could not have come this far nor go further without youse.

Mona in day FIFTY TWO .. head up...chest out... ready to start the day!
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.~Confucius
Mona58
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Re: Payday blues...

Postby Oregon » Tue Dec 05, 2017 5:56 am

Hi Mona,
There's a great module on resisting urges on this site. Also don't take any more money than you need!

Hope it goes well for you.
Gamble free since 29.05.18
Oregon
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Re: Payday blues...

Postby Mona58 » Mon Dec 04, 2017 6:00 pm

Thank-you Springhope'

That's what I am doing! Taking care of myself and having to deal with this personal stuff just leaves me flabbergasted ... l can't go into detail here. The one thing is that l can sort of laugh about it at the same time. Whereby in the past I would have said F ' it and gone to the pokies hoping the Demon might be kinder! Gosh... It's the bloody demons fault!

Thanks Jeddie. (your post came in as l'm writing)
Yes. Thats' exactly it. Some people are so kind and understanding ... others just... ARGH!!! deserving of thy rude finger!

This the complexities of Life!

Laugh on Sunday cry on Monday Scream on Tuesday,... LOL!

MoAna on day 51 GF! ..., doing just GREAT!

(and the Parcels been found! thank goodness..have to pick it up tmw... 3rd trip!)
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.~Confucius
Mona58
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Re: Payday blues...

Postby Jeddie » Mon Dec 04, 2017 5:42 pm

Hey there Mona, chin up, chest out, shoulders back and march past those D dens with pride. Don’t let them win. You have come so far so keep going. A lost parcel is not much in the grand scheme of things. Think of all your problems you have overcome during the last few weeks. Have a big spooky la la today then tomorrow go get ‘em at the post office and fix those other problems with a new attitude.. what ever you do DO NOT seek solace in those pokies..
I agree with Springhope, you are very caring and certainly a blessing on this forum. Stick your rude finger up to the problems and keep GH..51 days, yippee
IN GAMBLING THE MANY MUST LOSE IN ORDER THAT THE FEW MAY WIN
George Bernard Shaw
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Re: Payday blues...

Postby Springhope17 » Mon Dec 04, 2017 4:21 pm

Make sure you look after yourself Mona!

I have learnt over the past 94 days that I need to take care of myself more and focus on my own well being and happiness, if i don't do this then I cant be the best person I can be. I tend to take on others worries and responsibilities when I need to just focus on my own recovery for now.

I spent so much time over the past few years feeling angry, frustrated and ashamed of myself due to my gambling that now I need time to accept my past mistakes, move on and enjoy my happiness. I am proud of how far I have come although no one in my life really see these achievements due to the secrecy and shame of my gambling addiction.

I think I may have gotten a little off topic Mona but my point was YOU should be incredibly proud of how far you have come and I think it is obvious to everyone on here what a caring person you are!

Take care
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Re: Payday blues...

Postby Mona58 » Mon Dec 04, 2017 12:53 pm

Thank-you Springbope

l really thought it would get easier ... had to go pass D. Dens then to pass one again. In post office queue my heart was practically thumping! AND My parcel has gone missing!?!*! Something is playing games with me!

Not in the best frame of mind at moment. got personal stuff to deal with which can get to me. Stuff that can be easily fixed BUT no-one reckons its their job! Never mind!

Mona in day 51 GF
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.~Confucius
Mona58
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Re: Payday blues...

Postby Springhope » Sun Dec 03, 2017 11:20 pm

Congratulations on 50 days!

Im so happy for you!
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Re: Payday blues...

Postby Mona58 » Sun Dec 03, 2017 10:32 pm

Thank you jeddie'

When I found this site and read others stories ... I knew it was possible.. I could not have got this far without the support here.

I read your post in Feedback..

l had been wondering why my SMS txts had stopped on 5 Nov ... I'd received a total of 15 txts and still occasionally read them .

Some of the posts worry me and I wish someone with longer gamble free experiences would step in with Much needed advice. We can only do what we can... and hope those who post once or twice do get help. I think there are sites on Facebook or other that maybe more popular with the young ones. And I do hope they go to GA meetings .

This site is now ... what...?.. 5 years old or more and I think its novelty may have worn off and there may fewer faciliators / moderators manning the site.. possible due to funding cuts which happens over time. I also think they are in the background and may well just leave us to support each other...
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.~Confucius
Mona58
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Re: Payday blues...

Postby Jeddie » Sun Dec 03, 2017 3:00 pm

Congratulations on day 50. What a milestone. Would you have ever believed it was possible. Keep strong, keep posting. Won’t be long and it will be 100🌹

64 days GF
IN GAMBLING THE MANY MUST LOSE IN ORDER THAT THE FEW MAY WIN
George Bernard Shaw
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Re: Payday blues...

Postby Mona58 » Sun Dec 03, 2017 11:16 am

Never thought I'd get so excited about fried rice... it looks as colourful as the Christmas tree ... I'd started crying!
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.~Confucius
Mona58
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Posts: 912
Joined: Sun Oct 15, 2017 12:44 pm

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