Payday blues...

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Re: Payday blues...

Postby Mona58 » Thu Dec 14, 2017 10:41 am

Day 61 ...

only an hour and half till the luncheon ...

I'd read a few posts earlier. Laid out my clothes ... am expecting the bed to have a pile of them by time I'd done! Hopefully Not!

...And actually feel quite calm considering. I keep chuckling about walkIng "pass them and glare at them"... now I'm nervous!

Hope everyone is OK and staying strong!

Mona
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.~Confucius
Mona58
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Re: Payday blues...

Postby Jerry (facilitator) » Wed Dec 13, 2017 5:33 pm

Hi Hi blahblah '

I also recommend getting some counselling. Changing gambling habits can be hard. the machines are designed to get you hooked and they work great. It helps to speak to someone that understands how the machines draw people in, and how to undo that mental programming.

On a really practical note, self exclusion is also really helpful. Gambling websites based in Australia are required to have a self exclusion policy (Websites based in other countries might not). If you are having trouble excluding yourself it might be worthwhile investing in some gambling blocking software. Try http://www.gamblock.com or http://www.betfilter.com

Lots of help is out there. Try everything and keep what works.
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Re: Payday blues...

Postby Mona58 » Wed Dec 13, 2017 3:37 pm

Hi blahblah '

Welcome to the forum. Thank-you for sharing your story. You have taken a great step to admiting your problem. It is difficult to break away from the addiction. If you read the posts and journey of the many gamblers on here you will find you are not alone.

I think it may be worth your while to seek face to face counselling. The Gamb help line on 1800 858 858 is a good place to start,

l can understand your position of secrecy ... If you googled Australia's problem gambling You will see that the addiction to pokies does not discriminate. Professors... Members of Parliment... Lawyers... to the mere housewife all get hooked and dragged into this social addiction! We did choose to gamble . I agree.. but then many are stuck in the vicious cycle because Gambling is "programmed" to get us back and take our life... especially those of us most vulnerable because of the type of persons we are.

I really appreciate your posting and hope that you will continue SO we can support you as you journey into recovery and into a happy carefree life. It helps us also to stay strong as we journey through the everyday normal stuff without hiding away in those what I call... demons dens!

Mona in day 60 ... one of those days where things right went wrong! technologically!
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.~Confucius
Mona58
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Re: Payday blues...

Postby blahblah » Wed Dec 13, 2017 3:05 pm

so I have never ever before told anyone of my gambling problem. this is my first time sharing my story, and I hope by doing so it will give me the strength I need to be stronger than my addiction.
My problem began back when I turned 18. My grandmother would take me to the pokies after bingo and give me half her winnings. I was hooked.
I had worked since I was 14 on a part time job and any time I could, I would gamble.
I went to university and I was still underage. That never stopped me.
After a few months I was finally 18. Every cent I got was put strait back into the pokies. I would have a win and just bet bigger or return again and again until I was out of money again. Looking back on it was like I was never happy until I was broke and miserable and then I was trying to work out where my money was going to come from.
So I eventually left university in my second year and started to get myself together. I got a job (which luckily I never had an issue doing) and got my own one bedroom apartment. Basically this is when I fell off the wagon again.
I then saw an add in the newspaper for girls wanted paying top $$$ and I was in.
This lead me down a road that consisted of me working as an escort at night with drugs and alcohol galore to gambling what I was making the next day.
For a year I was living the ultimate gamblers dream or so I thought.
After around a year of this lifestyle I had had enough and decided to call it quits. This is when I met my husband, we have been together almost 20 years and to this day he has little to no idea I have a gambling problem. I have worked my way up into a senior roll in a company on a very good wage for the past 18 years. I have always paid my bills first but have never saved a cent. I have gambled away millions and it is time to get out. I have in the last 2 days gambled over $35000.00 and I feel sick. I never had such an issue as I do now with online gambling. It seems I can control myself at casinos etc as I am limited to the cash I can spend. Anyway now I have purged for the first time. There it is in black and white. My life the lie part 1.
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Re: Payday blues...

Postby Mona58 » Wed Dec 13, 2017 8:37 am

Thanks Glenda! Its getting on hot your way today.

l am thinking too much this morning,...
think being nervous about tomorrow makes me do that.
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.~Confucius
Mona58
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Re: Payday blues...

Postby Jeddie » Wed Dec 13, 2017 8:18 am

Well done Mona on 60 days 😀
IN GAMBLING THE MANY MUST LOSE IN ORDER THAT THE FEW MAY WIN
George Bernard Shaw
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Re: Payday blues...

Postby Mona58 » Wed Dec 13, 2017 7:46 am

Gosh... I don't think I'm brave enough to do that! lt could ruin my disposition for the rest of the day.

Yesterday's Christmas shoppIng was an emotionally filled day! I never did like the hustle and bustle of shopping complexs. I'd much rather do my shopping on the quietest of day. When I had my car it was great.. but now I have to depend on friend a bit and my little trolleys! Not that I am complaining mind you. Its' the way it is ...

l had friend (my adopted brother) taxi'ing me yesterday and then stay till late fiddling with my new phone and computer and wifi. I don't want to hear another technological word for a longtime! What bugged me most was trying to find a "decent plan for my phone / internet / mobile phone ... at the moment I don't have access to internet on my mobile. I'd had thought it easy to pick a "plan" and away I go... BUT all I got was 2gb not enough if you blah blah blah... this plan You will blab blah blah... and if you use too much Data blah blah blah... and you get unlimited txt and talk but if you blab blah blah... so you see... NO decision made because if I change the plan now l will lose the $40 plus credit left on my existing prepaid plan... that had suited me for some 20 years and so ....

I don't know if life is supposed to have become EASIER or more bloody complicated for the likes of us. All around me whilst trying to decide on presents... was screamisg capitalism! Its all about giving you a bit of money and doing anything basically clever brain wishy washing to make you spend it.. to take it off you ... whether its at the pokies or in shopping complexs! But all that whinging aside ... I actually enjoY being broke this Christmas because Money got lost in a shopping complex and I can see the money all over the floor and I am HAPPY.

Last night I read a few posts... and I wanted so much to be honest and speak my mind... but I couldn't and can't as it is inappropriate!... even when I see someone post something I think is inappropriate!. , Mostly though .... :.my thoughts was about the TYPES of people we are, I am basically a shy person and learnt to enjoy my own company and my books!. I'd often find many posts where the person carries so much creativity within them... most especially the Gift of writing. This ability within only needs slight nurturing. ... Parenting... I'm lost for words now... so I think I'll stop here... and get back at a later time or not .

Mona In day SIXTY ... 60 .. I am so glad!
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.~Confucius
Mona58
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Re: Payday blues...

Postby Jeddie » Tue Dec 12, 2017 12:18 pm

Mona walk past those pokies and glare at them. Then go to your function 😀
IN GAMBLING THE MANY MUST LOSE IN ORDER THAT THE FEW MAY WIN
George Bernard Shaw
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Re: Payday blues...

Postby Mona58 » Tue Dec 12, 2017 9:49 am

Thank you Springhope'

I will . I've been thinking about how I'm going to get to the dining area without having to pass the D. Den. Whether to go in the front door or the back door ... through the bar or climb the bloody fence! lol

I'd posted in jeddies tread how I don't miss the pokies. I look forward to going shopping today for Christmas presents. I had gone to bed early last- night instead of being awake pass midnight waiting for my payment . I'd not even checked my bank accounts this morning as I'd know what's in there. l feel no longer anxious.

Oh maybe just a tad anxious as I'm waiting on Telstra Technician to find out what 's wrong with my internet / phone ... hoping it is an outside issue and won't cost me anything.

I like how today I do not have knots in my stomach and my head is not full of anxiety let alone racing a marathon of thoughts,..

Mona in day 59 GF
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.~Confucius
Mona58
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Re: Payday blues...

Postby Jerry (facilitator) » Mon Dec 11, 2017 5:32 pm

Congratulations Springhope,

100 days is a huge milestone.

May the next 100 be much easier.
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