Re: To The One's I Love
Been a while since I posted on here, I still read posts a couple times a week though.
I guess life has taken over, so trying to find any spare time to do anything is a challenge.. Its a wonder how i managed to ever get time to go sit in a casino or venue for hours on end...
I'm still enjoying life without gambling. It will be 1 year next week!! I admit that I too have began playing three of the free pokie apps on my phone in the last 3 or 4 months. I have not had any thoughts of beginning to play the real ones at all again, I am still not able to access any money anyway so for me its a little bit of a treat for my downtime, when I'm home having a coffee and a smoke at night once the kids are asleep.
I began my abstinence last February, in fact just thinking about it now it was a year ago today my partner did a bit of snooping around and found my bank statement and I was kicked out of my house. I'd spent over 24k in 13 days in my latest binge... A day i never want to happen again
So there I was sleeping in on a mates floor for a couple nights and in my swag next to my car in a park for the next few. Washing myself in the sink of the local oval's toilets and all the time i never had any intention of quitting pokies, just tried to tell myself I'll just limit it to $50 a week and she'll take me back...
Well she did take me back on the 19th of Feb, upon arriving home she handed me a letter and once I read it and wiped the tears from my eyes I felt an overwhelming sense of clarity and knew what I had to do. Right then and there I pledged to quit gambling for good. I've never looked back.
She wanted me to write a letter for her, I told her I would, I didn't write a letter I started this topic on the forum hence the name 'To The One's I Love'. I don't think she has read it yet, she may have but I'm going to show it to her on my 1 year anniversary anyway.
For those who are doing it tough right now, please take care and please try to remember that the one person that can truly help you though this is you ;) if that inner voice is nagging you to gamble you have to fight that urge and arm yourself with as many tools and distractions as possible. Cut up your cards and set no cash advances, in my case the missus has total control of all money. Tell family, tell friends, hell, I tell 'old Joe blogs' down the shops I'm nearly a year clean and it makes me feel so good. All the support you can get helps so much, building up our self confidence again is crucial in keeping on track.
One day at a time, I will not gamble today.