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Journal to 100 days

Posted: Tue Aug 16, 2016 10:37 pm
by Kickingit2016
Well just thought I'd add to this part of the forum and share a bit about my progress - it's only day 3 for me so I guess I'm feeling a bit optimistic :D

This is not new for me, I have tried to quit many times - especially over the last 4 years. But once again I've reached that all too familiar point where I'm awake and want to take lasting action.

Day 3 is no big deal - I can usually easily go without a week or two, but the danger zones are the weekends. I've gone back to my single bank account and cut up all the other debit cards so I only have access to a couple hundred cash for basic living expenses. It's amazing how a place like the casino you can totally lose the perception of the value of money. I just paid my mum $100 for a full box of health foods, vitamins and cooked pasta meals. At the casino that gets me one little black chip which lasts about 10 seconds - 1 roulette spin. And for what? to watch a bloody ball go around a wheel.

It's taken a long time to sink in, but even when you win, you lose. All the winning does is desensitise you to larger losses. I've won many times but always ended up handing the winnings back plus a lot more. Once again I'm finally starting to accept you just have to cut the losses and walk away. I just hope it sticks this time and I achieve some real, lasting success!

Re: Journal to 100 days

Posted: Wed Aug 17, 2016 9:52 am
by pamela
Hi kicking does help when you put it in perspective..I never worried about putting hundreds of dollars through a poker machine but now I am always aware of just how much good you can do and how much you can buy for $100...keep going with that positive attitude

Re: Journal to 100 days

Posted: Fri Aug 19, 2016 11:09 pm
by Kickingit2016
Thanks Pamela. I've found it's too easy to get lose that positive attitude quickly - I'll get all miserable about the losses, get positive again to try and fix it. Then a few weeks pass, I forget the losses, lose more and the cycle starts all over again.

This time though I'm determined to break that cycle though that's why I find this helps. I thought I'd post tonight as I'm on day 6 and about to head into the danger period for me which is the weekend. I'm planning on doing some meditation tomorrow morning. I'll empty my bank accounts tonight so I only have access to $100 or $200 in case I need to get some food or general bits and pieces. I've also decided to try and use these 100 days to drastically cut down and maybe even eliminate alcohol as well as some other lifestyle changes.

It's all well and good to have all the theory and ideas behind how to stop and make your life better but you have to take massive action. I've tried that before and met with limited success, but this time my hunger is more than it has ever been before so bring on the 94 remaining days I say!!

Re: Journal to 100 days

Posted: Sat Aug 20, 2016 8:20 am
by pamela
Kicking it .thats have to be so determined to make this work..and it takes hard work and you said the weekend is a danger period so put other diversions in place and cut access to money..I used to just carry my visa card so I couldnt access any cash...try any tactic so you dont gamble..and take one day at a time dont think too far ahead..if you want this you will do it..good luck

Re: Journal to 100 days

Posted: Fri Aug 26, 2016 9:24 pm
by Kickingit2016
Heading into Day 14 tomorrow - 2 weeks which is great, but I don't want to get too far ahead of myself I've been here many times before!

Danger zone again for the weekend, so just focusing on planning my Sat and Sun now so I can keep myself occupied doing something else. Felt a bit down during the week sometimes the memories of these losses, both money and time just hit me and I find myself thinking 'what if'.

I'm just focusing on future goals and trying to be as optimistic as possible for the future.

Anyway thanks to all the replies they help alot and it's good to know I'm not alone! :)

Re: Journal to 100 days

Posted: Sun Aug 28, 2016 6:30 am
by pamela
Good job kicking it..looking back on our gambling is always depressing so just look forward..take each day one at a time and dont look too far ahead..every day without gambling is a good day

Re: Journal to 100 days

Posted: Fri Sep 02, 2016 2:48 pm
by Charlotte (facilitator)
Hi Kickingit,

welcome to the forum and good on you for taking the step to get support. This is a great space to learn about other people's journeys and to explore strategies and plans for yourself. It sounds like you're making progress day by day - well done on getting to day 14. Meditation is a great way of brining into the present moment and for returning equilibrium to our mind and body, something that gets destabilised through gambling. I'm wondering what other lifestyle changes you have made or are thinking of making?
Any thoughts from other people in terms of what helps in the early days?

Kickingit, as well as the forum, there is plenty of support in the community, and if you want to talk to a professional counsellor you can start by calling Gambler's Helpline (24/7): 1800 858 858.

All the best, keep us posted.

Charlotte :)

Re: Journal to 100 days

Posted: Sat Sep 24, 2016 10:24 am
by Kickingit2016
So it's been a while since I last posted, technically I'm on day 42 but it feels like day 1 again. Unfortunately I've had a few relapses most recent being last night. Once again I find myself on that merry go round forgetting everything I'm trying to achieve and just throwing it all on a few spins of a roulette wheel.

These only seem to happen after I've been drinking alot, and I did try to limit my alcohol consumption but obviously not good enough. Mainly what I wanted to do instead of just drifting off into the sunset without another post, was to be accountable. I thought about starting another 100 day challenge but to be honest I'm so emotionally exhausted after trying to stop the last few years, I think I just finish this one first with the goal of staying gamble free the remainder of the days. After that I can always start another one - but I feel like I just need a small win first, even if it's only 30 or 40 days gamble free.

Make no mistake about it, unless your in or have had this addiction it's hard to understand how tough this habit is to break. But I have faith it can be done. It's just i've been doing it so long now it has messed up the pleasure center in my brain and I need to rewire all those neural pathways. Something which will take time - maybe many months and years. But I'm up for the challenge.

Anyway enjoy the weekend all - will be back with another post in a week or two.

Re: Journal to 100 days

Posted: Sun Sep 25, 2016 4:33 pm
by AnnaB (facilitator)
Really glad to see you posting and despite the slips saying you are up for the challenge! Stay strong, I think one of the most important factors in this is holding on to the faith you can do it. Look forward to reading your next post in a week or two. :)

Re: Journal to 100 days

Posted: Sun Sep 25, 2016 7:14 pm
by pamela
staying strong is really hard but not when you look at the big get sick of being on that merrygoround and the day will come when enough is accountable for your gambling and be conscious of it everytime you do it..stay focused and determined