Hi,
This is my story.
I am a 29yo male who has had gambling involvement for nearly 10 years now with a serious issue for 4 years off and on. A similar tune to others on this site, I have lost plenty..
As an 18yo I worked at a harness race track, though recall I only ever had one bet over that 2 year period. My family never gambled growing up and I myself had no desire for it.
Gambling for me was initiated at the casino, as a few friends at the time enjoyed heading there for a flutter (like any 18yo would). I didn’t lose large sums of money and did not head there often, but do recall maybe being there 5-6 times a year over my young adult life.
The stem of my addiction likely started in my semi-professional sporting life in my mid 20s. With young guys, the term “have a punt” is a lighthearted warm account of spending time with “the boys” and enjoying a few drinks and a bet on the races. This lighthearted Saturday afternoon pastime would eventually unravel me.
I completed my Commerce Degree at 23, and landed a job in the finance industry, what I thought to be a great start to my professional career. By 25, I bought my 1st share in a house and had my girlfriend move in whom was excited to share the rest of her life with me. At 26, I found my world starting to unravel. Throughout the earlier years I gambled on occasions but nothing near referring to it as severe, though the last 4 years has been anything but. I never, or very rarely gambled with anyone but myself and became somewhat of a recluse with it.
In 4 years, I have lost a severe sense as to who I really am, as well as 2 serious relationships with 2 gorgeous women, the latest of which is the love of my life and the essence of my perfect person.. not to mention countless friendships, the trust of those I care about and to top it all off, a cool $150,000+ in cash. I have stolen from family, friends, who although I have always paid back, have the realisation of the respect I have lost along the way as a direct result my actions. It’s time to earn that back, if possible, slowly and respectfully but hopefully with the power and presence of a 19th century steam engine locomotive.
The issue started to rear its uglyy head at around 26. Basically, I had lost maybe $10,000 of savings in 6 months and I was scared shitless of my partner & parents finding out as I was gambling all the money I needed for my housing repayments. I then accepted a loan from my employer with the plan for it to assist keeping my head above water. The fact was, it was the chain & anchor to the depths of despair. I first lost my partner and then my house.
The loan was increased on 3 seperate occasions to an end figure of $50,000. Once that was gone, I leant money from wherever I could, namely other financiers and my dad. Before I knew it, I had over $100,000 in debts. My family found out and helped bring me back to reality though with little ability to pay the mountain of debts. This has culminated in a 2 year legal battle which has taken its toll mentally. I saved my money and gambled rarely but knowing me still on occasions at 27 & 28. I managed to resign in Feb this year from the finance job with my credit history indicating finance is likely the wrong industry. I have subsequently returned to University to complete a post grad.
At 29 after my sport season had finished I slipped again and after saving $20,000 aswell as a dream car, lost them both within 1 week. I have 12c to my name, lost my soul mate, and if it were not for my parents would likely be sleeping in a gutter somewhere (if not 6 feet under).
For me, the worst part of gambling is the lying. You forgot what is important and you say anything to feed your next bet, no matter what the cost. The 100 day challenge I don’t feel will be an issue for me, as I have smashed it before I relapsed, being more worried about my triggers. This seems to lead me down a spiritual journey of re-discovering my young happy bubbly self and getting an understanding into the subconscious mind, where habits, behaviours and addiction hide, though meditation. Wish me luck and thanks for listening.
