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  • Broke,broken and alone

    For people making and maintaining change in their gambling. Connect, ask questions, offer advice, and share your story in here. If you are new to the site drop in and say hello!
    Sjhbailey
    Junior Member
    Posts: 9
    Joined: Sun Jul 28, 2019 5:30 pm

    Broke,broken and alone

    Mon Jul 29, 2019 6:52 pm

    Don't know where to start I know I have a gambling problem chasing a win any where I can and have done things in the past to get past it but have gone downhill again this time not as bad as other times but circumstances have made it hit hard this time around I did the 100 day challenge to kick the pokies over a year ago and found it really easy to the point I though I was cured then decided one night to go in with a small amount within an hour I was 2 paychecks down and fed the machines in till I won it all back and left then a short time back took my father out for the night to have a quiet play knowing I had set a limit but as soon as I go past it without feeling satisfied I turn into a zombie and can't be stoped so that night I didn't loose an amount that concerned me but the fact I set a limit and couldn't stick to it ruined pokies as a fun outing and have not returned which has been easy just don't go in I don't get urges to go and play but once in there I'm done I pass 6 on my way home one way and 4 another but my main problem is the same beast I'm typing this message on my phone gambling from the palm of my hand on ufc and mma that is my biggest concern for my family's future I have slipped away from reality betting on fights which recently I have made some big mistakes and am to ashamed to bring them to light I have missed family events,work functions,holidays I can no longer afford,had work pay out my leave,borrowed money from joint accounts with out permission so really if you look at it stolen money and most importantly neglected my wife and children all this is hard to put on a message let alone come clean with any one close to me so recently I tried to curb my gambling by setting a limit like I did with pokies over a few months telling my self this is my budget only fair I have a lil play I enjoy it but I'm literraly the same if I win 5 or 5000 I'm over the moon but if I loose 2 or 2000 which I have on more occasions than I would like to admit I am so sad words can not describe I've had time of work because I can't function and even contemplated suicide so I have decide the only path forward is to quit for good not to quit and better manage my gambling but put an end to it for good which I don't know if I can i come from a family of gamblers and I love to gamble I've had some great times gambling and resulted wins that I couldn't of done without it I built a house deposit from the ups and am now at my worst exerienxcing the downs which could lead to no roof over my family's head and I don't even know how it got this bad I have tracked every cent over the last 3 years that I have won or lost and how much was spent on every occasion thinking about it now 3 years ago is really when I knew I had an issue and tracking my betting was my coping mechanism but this is it for me time to gro and it's coming loss that most people would cry over losing but as I said earlier the value doesn't bother me one bit only the fact I lost I have shut down al my betting accounts and plan on going to an annonoms meeting this week thanks to gamblers help deleted my shortcuts to tips and predictions and removed any social media pages directed at gambling and set my self a goal in my bank account and to let my loved ones know my journey into the deep thank you for the platform to get this of my chest and for hearing me out cheers
    2 x
    User avatar
    JinxyWolf
    Senior Member
    Posts: 320
    Joined: Wed Feb 15, 2017 8:51 pm

    Re: Broke,broken and alone

    Mon Jul 29, 2019 7:19 pm

    Hi Bailey and Welcome,

    Congrats on having to courage to admit that cold turkey is the only way to go. There is no safe limit for most gamblers and cold turkey I found is one of the only ways to get this demon off your back for good.

    I too come from a family of gamblers, although most play for a bit of fun I did have an Aunty go to jail for stealing to support her habit. But their choices shouldn't be the reason for you to feel that it's not possible to get off this road you on. Your choices decide if gambling deserves a place in your life and from what you've written you have many more important things in your life that need you and want you present.

    It's a hard road we travel to become gamble free but it's well worth it.

    You're not alone, we are here for you and have faith in your family, let them in and show them that you are serious about this journey your starting and they will support you too.

    Be well and keep fighting

    JinxyWolf
    2 x
    Sjhbailey
    Junior Member
    Posts: 9
    Joined: Sun Jul 28, 2019 5:30 pm

    Re: Broke,broken and alone

    Sun Aug 11, 2019 1:57 pm

    2 weeks later and I've gone downhill again decided I was going to have a lil play because I got my tax back and for some reason thought why not treat myself and put a small bet on the ufc few fight in and just like that tax return gone I even had to call the betting site to 're activate my account after being transferred to a manager and ansewing some questions about my reactivation they asked if I wanted to set a limit I said no and now I'm feeling like **** worse than ever thought I was going to play it safe but have messed it all up
    0 x
    Sjhbailey
    Junior Member
    Posts: 9
    Joined: Sun Jul 28, 2019 5:30 pm

    Re: Broke,broken and alone

    Sun Aug 11, 2019 2:19 pm

    I want to tell my wife but I'm scared to do it and ashamed which put me into a spin because if I come clean she will know how bad I am making things and how much I have let her down and I don't want to hurt her but In all honesty she would more than likely know just don't know how to tell her
    0 x
    User avatar
    JinxyWolf
    Senior Member
    Posts: 320
    Joined: Wed Feb 15, 2017 8:51 pm

    Re: Broke,broken and alone

    Sun Aug 11, 2019 9:08 pm

    HI Bailey,

    Sorry to hear about the lapse but please remember that a lapse isn't the be all and end all. Many of us lapse in our journeys to becoming gamble free. The trick is to learn from your lapse, ask yourself "what triggered the lapse" "what were you feeling" and what barriers can you put in place to prevent lapses in the future.

    As for telling your wife I think you should get in touch with a councellor, they should be able to give you some advice on how to handle telling your loved ones about your addiction. It might be worth thinking about perhaps going to councelling together, it may help your wife better understand what you are going through and it also shows her you are serious about tackling this addiction head on. The longer you put off telling her the more hurt she will be. Keeping it a secret will not help you become gamble free. We all know the shame you are feeling, but please know that this shame doesn't have to define your future. Things will get better, when you can be honest with yourself and those you love.

    I wish you all the best. Keep fighting.

    JinxyWolf
    2 x
    pamela
    Senior Member
    Posts: 1716
    Joined: Sun Jun 29, 2014 9:38 pm

    Re: Broke,broken and alone

    Sun Aug 11, 2019 9:42 pm

    It is a relapse so as you can't go aback just accept it.I agree with Jinxy .. maybe think about seeing a counsellor with your wife.Dont let this set back hinder your recovery..learn from it and move on
    0 x
    Sjhbailey
    Junior Member
    Posts: 9
    Joined: Sun Jul 28, 2019 5:30 pm

    Re: Broke,broken and alone

    Sun Aug 11, 2019 10:30 pm

    I just come straight out with it today told my father and my wife . My father listened to what I had to say he understands gambling addiction being a gambler himself I didn't go completely into it with him he asked how the fight went today and I said that's it I lost and I can't do it any more he understands we left it at that I will speak with him again my best friend was here as I lost my money he knows I lost I never hide it from him only the amount spoke with him briefly about not gambling anymore but he may just think it's another days loss and I was just pissed off but my wife asked me how I went today and I told her I have shut down my account and losses I spoke briefly about how much I have lost she knows deep down I can feel it she knows every thing about me you guys n gals are right I can't do this by myself pokies was easy fights not so much I will be completely honest with her and let her know I need her with me and I'm going to answer every one of her questions today's talk was just scratching the surface she didn't dig to deep but I want her to know everything my hardest part is knowing how much I have lost as I keep track of wins and losses knowing if I don't gamble I have lost and I can't get it back bitter pill to swallow thankyou all for your kind words I am trying so hard but keep messing up big time
    1 x
    User avatar
    JinxyWolf
    Senior Member
    Posts: 320
    Joined: Wed Feb 15, 2017 8:51 pm

    Re: Broke,broken and alone

    Mon Aug 12, 2019 12:53 pm

    Hey Bailey,

    God knows we have all messed up but I think you can look at it one of two ways. You can give up and continue to live with the shame and guilt of your gambling addiction or you can dig your heals in, face what you have done, learn from it and fight for the future you want, the future both you and your loved ones deserve.

    You only truly fail when you stop trying.

    JinxyWolf
    3 x
    pamela
    Senior Member
    Posts: 1716
    Joined: Sun Jun 29, 2014 9:38 pm

    Re: Broke,broken and alone

    Tue Aug 13, 2019 11:23 pm

    You have taken huge steps so far and you need to keep going..get your wife to help and support you..don't dwell on what is in the past..look towards the bright future you can have with your family.
    Great work and don't give up he good fight.good luck
    0 x
    Sjhbailey
    Junior Member
    Posts: 9
    Joined: Sun Jul 28, 2019 5:30 pm

    Re: Broke,broken and alone

    Wed Aug 14, 2019 3:22 pm

    Thankyou I have opened up a bit more now I have spoken with my wife mother father and some work colleagues about changes I am trying to make I have set a couple small goals but still feel very average
    2 x

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