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  • Scared of having money

    A place for our whole Gambling Help Online community to connect. Includes special forum events, monthly rundowns and a place to chat with forum friends.
    Roys59
    Junior Member
    Posts: 12
    Joined: Mon Jul 12, 2021 9:17 am

    Scared of having money

    Mon Jul 19, 2021 7:09 pm

    This might sound strange but I am truely happiest when I have no money to gamble with.

    I have given all my money to my wife so I can’t gamble but that doesn’t stop me from taking loans/credit cards etc.

    I know I can’t pay these things back (and have done this before having to explain why I have a c/card debt) . I can’t go back to that guilt.

    The reason I post this is because it’s tax time and I find myself wanting to lie to my wife yet again about my return.

    I’m feeling the guilt I felt only one week ago coming clean to my wife about a gambling problem before I’ve even gambled this money away!

    I know this time around I’m going to tell the truth and not do anything stupid but will this be my life? Can I no longer ever trust myself with money?

    I’ve gambled everything I have week to week for 20 years. Can I change and hold a balance without gambling it?
    4 x
    Anita44
    Senior Member
    Posts: 395
    Joined: Sat May 08, 2021 9:30 pm

    Re: Scared of having money

    Mon Jul 19, 2021 9:25 pm

    Hi Roys59
    How are you doing?
    For me I put extra away in our join account, but I still have some money to treat my self something nice, shopping , going out with friend, weekend away with my partner, I can spend on anything other than gamble.
    I think it's good to let your wife look after for you, but when you don't have urge anymore than you can start control for your money again.
    I am very open with my partner, I telling him I have not gamble since that day and my urge are not their anymore.
    So he stop call me after work every night, cos he knew I am not gamble.
    I noticed after my first 3 weeks, I manage to paid all my bill, than I got around $500, on the way to work I start feeling the urge of gamble, that when I start put money in join account.
    Now I don't have the urge to gamble any more, but I still put the same amount cos we renovating our house anyway so money their if we needed.
    Last 2 month I been spend just over $3000 on new clothes, shoes and hand bags, and new clothes for the kids and new shoes and my partner later birthday presents, I buy all on special which save me alots of money.
    Not just that I but gift for my sister and niece in New Zealand too, cos I have not done thing like that for such a long time now.
    Deep down my heart feel proud of myself that I achieved this addition. My life are completely different than before.
    3 x
    Damaged_Armour
    Senior Member
    Posts: 104
    Joined: Tue Dec 29, 2020 3:17 pm

    Re: Scared of having money

    Tue Jul 20, 2021 9:19 am

    Roys59 wrote:
    Mon Jul 19, 2021 7:09 pm
    This might sound strange but I am truely happiest when I have no money to gamble with.

    I have given all my money to my wife so I can’t gamble but that doesn’t stop me from taking loans/credit cards etc.

    I know I can’t pay these things back (and have done this before having to explain why I have a c/card debt) . I can’t go back to that guilt.

    The reason I post this is because it’s tax time and I find myself wanting to lie to my wife yet again about my return.

    I’m feeling the guilt I felt only one week ago coming clean to my wife about a gambling problem before I’ve even gambled this money away!

    I know this time around I’m going to tell the truth and not do anything stupid but will this be my life? Can I no longer ever trust myself with money?

    I’ve gambled everything I have week to week for 20 years. Can I change and hold a balance without gambling it?
    Take her to the tax appointment with you if you're serious about stopping. That's what I did. Full transparency if you want to be real.

    I been gambling 25 years on the pokies. I don't carry any key cards or credit cards, just a prepaid Mastercard from the post office loaded with a few hundred dollars and $20 cash. If I happen to be walking past a pub in my travels I will walk in and burn that $20 because I can't control myself even 25 years later.

    In short, put enough obstacles in your way that will give you a slight advantage over your habit, enough obstacles to maybe some times turn the tide in your favour.

    The biggest hurdle I had to overcome was convincing myself to have a joint account with my partner. My ego didn't want me to do it because it was "my money". But what is the point of having "my money" if I continually piss it up the wall? I thought to myself, I'd only ever be ahead if I gave my missus control of everything, and I did. Now bills are always paid, we're never short of anything, she gets to treat herself with clothes for doing such a good job.

    I don't know if it's genetic or if its the psychological state you're brought up in as a child that causes you to inherit the habit. My old man was a gambler, from a young age I witnessed him playing pokies, lotteries etc. Some days I fear my kids will inherit this horrible habit, so I don't do any of that in front of them, because they become copies of what we are.

    Here I am sitting on the toilet typing this message out, I finished 15 minutes ago and everyone's wondering why I'm taking so long, so I'll leave it at that for now.
    9 x
    There's No such thing as "Just Once"

    You want to stop gambling? Ok great, put your boxing gloves on.
    Roys59
    Junior Member
    Posts: 12
    Joined: Mon Jul 12, 2021 9:17 am

    Re: Scared of having money

    Tue Jul 20, 2021 12:55 pm

    Thanks everyone.

    @Damaged_Armour its been a few weeks since I’ve laughed but reading the last sentence had me in tears haha

    There’s a lot of truth to that though. What’s the point in having my own money if I’m just going to get rid of it straight away.
    3 x
    katherinerossir
    Junior Member
    Posts: 1
    Joined: Wed Feb 23, 2022 8:37 pm

    Re: Scared of having money

    Tue Mar 01, 2022 12:44 am

    I used to be addicted and I am very ashamed of that, but now I can control myself very well. Since the pandemic started, I haven't stepped into a real casino, but I have begun to play on online casinos. So, I always try to keep as little money as I can on my credit card in order to not lose them, but I always stop playing after a few games.
    1 x
    Stoppissingupthewall
    Junior Member
    Posts: 2
    Joined: Wed Mar 02, 2022 7:34 pm

    Re: Scared of having money

    Wed Mar 02, 2022 8:20 pm

    Very powerful stuff @sacred_armour. Can see how experience and hiding all time turns into this lying beast you hate all the time. I know I can't sleep after a session and constantly kept up in bed going through 'what if's' of what I could of done with the money I just spent in the last 6 hours.
    1 x
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    JinxyWolf
    Senior Member
    Posts: 395
    Joined: Wed Feb 15, 2017 8:51 pm

    Re: Scared of having money

    Wed Mar 02, 2022 11:29 pm

    Hi @Roys59 and Welcome,

    You may think that being scared of having money is strange but I too went through this when I first started my journey. I remember getting my first paycheck after I quit and I was terrified. I was so worried I was going to blow it. So I gave all my cards to my Mother and made sure I had no access to cash. I got an allowance for groceries, bills and any other essentials I needed. Transparency was key, there was no secrets, everything was out in the open and that's the way it has to be. If you want to be gamble free you need to be open and honest about what is going on with those you love.

    I know that you are worried that this will be your life forever, wondering if you can ever trust yourself again. The good news is that you can learn to trust yourself again, you can learn to manage your money with out the fear of blowing it all. It does take time though. For me it was a few months before I felt safe enough to carry my card around with me but even then I made sure I only had access to small amounts. As my confidence grew I gave myself more and more freedom with my access to money. And given enough time I have become financially independent once again. So remember these measures you are putting in place aren't permanent, they are simply stepping stones along the road to becoming gamble free.

    I wish you all the best on your journey.

    JinxyWolf
    1 x
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    Ultramarine
    Junior Member
    Posts: 13
    Joined: Fri Feb 25, 2022 4:35 pm

    Re: Scared of having money

    Wed Mar 02, 2022 11:43 pm

    That's a good initiative to set back @katherinerossir . Any change is inevitable. Hope you succeed entirely soon.
    0 x
    One step at a time towards betterment.
    Roys59
    Junior Member
    Posts: 12
    Joined: Mon Jul 12, 2021 9:17 am

    Re: Scared of having money

    Thu Mar 03, 2022 6:16 pm

    Thanks all for your replies.

    It’s been a long time and since my last post I haven’t looked back.

    I came clear to my wife who was accepting and have become accustomed to having a joint account. Everything is looked after and paid, it’s been amazing.

    I haven’t gambled since my original post but today I got a letter in the mail from the ATO about my crypto transactions when I was gambling. I did this out of need because banks blocked direct deposits onto online casinos (I know stupid).

    These were all used for gambling but seems they think I might owe CGT on top.

    It’s just so annoying how past mistakes keep coming back and now this is another thing I’m going to have to explain.

    Just so sad right now
    0 x
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    Ultramarine
    Junior Member
    Posts: 13
    Joined: Fri Feb 25, 2022 4:35 pm

    Re: Scared of having money

    Thu Mar 03, 2022 6:25 pm

    @Roys59 Have you informed about the the mail to your wife? What has she said?
    0 x
    One step at a time towards betterment.

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