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  • GF of 5 years of a gambler - his behaviours are hurtful, but is it personal?

    A place for our whole Gambling Help Online community to connect. Includes special forum events, monthly rundowns and a place to chat with forum friends.
    Junior Member
    Posts: 9
    Joined: Mon Nov 25, 2013 9:43 am

    GF of 5 years of a gambler - his behaviours are hurtful, but is it personal?

    Wed Nov 25, 2020 5:52 pm

    I have been with my gambling partner for 5 years. In summary He knows he has a problem, but only makes certain changes that suits him. He hasn't ever "do everything it takes" or "take the hard road". He has gone really well for some periods, but it never lasts.
    He may give me his bank details, but constantly ask for money with no proof as to where it's going, or just take the bank details back so I can't control it. He goes to counselling most weeks, however isn't always implementing all strategies or taking the skills and tools he uses into the real world

    The first 4 years I have been very supportive and forgiving. I get hurt, he is sorry and we move on, make a fresh start.

    For some reason this year things have turned, he's not as sorry and I am not as forgiving. He still is trying, not 100% but he is to an extent with counselling and excluding where he can, however it has gotten to the point where we are more like housemates instead of partners. He has a short fuse when I bring up any issues, whether it's helping clean up (which he ever does) or asking him can he show me proof of a receipt. He seems to blame me, instead of just being nice about it?
    He never wants to commit to anything like a walk on the beach, or a weekend away, going to the gym or dinner.
    If i ask to watch a movie he's too tired most of the time. I ask to not go the iPad at dinner and he justifies why he should as "he's allowed".I just want to him to be present at dinner. Basically he thinks I am a nag, but I am just telling him my needs, I just want the basic fundamentals of a relationship, he thinks I am asking too much.

    When we argue, he can be quite defensive, causing me to cry. Instead of comforting me, he can be tough and say "oh here we go again, why are you crying"
    We never resolve anything as he doesn't want to talk he just wants to "move on". This frustrates me as it seems to always be his way

    Am I alone here? is this him as a selfish person, or is it 'the gambler' trying to avoid reality? I feel like I am invisible and he can't see the affect his behaviour has on me. It is like Every time he hurts me or ignores me, I can't bring it up or he gets annoyed and instead of hearing me out, he just gets defensive. i can't remember the last time we hung out without a TV or couch, or gone out to dinner etc
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    Posts: 65
    Joined: Fri Dec 07, 2018 11:50 am

    Re: GF of 5 years of a gambler - his behaviours are hurtful, but is it personal?

    Thu Nov 26, 2020 3:21 pm

    Hi Samantha ,

    Welldone in reaching out. From what you are describing I can see you are going through allot of distress and you are feeling hurt, as a result of your partner's gambling.

    You are not the only one, and you are not alone. A person's gambling behaviour can have serious social, emotional, physical and financial impacts on those who are close to them. A relationship with someone who has a gambling problem can be very distressing and overwhelming.
    It's important to reach out for help as much as you need.

    What strategies do you have in place to look after yourself and to manage how you have been experiencing?
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