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  • Starting My 100 Day Challenge

    For those taking the 100 Day Challenge. Share your journey, seek support and track your progress here!
    guiltridden
    Junior Member
    Posts: 5
    Joined: Mon Sep 20, 2021 7:02 pm

    Starting My 100 Day Challenge

    Mon Sep 20, 2021 9:59 pm

    Starting my challenge today to ease the guilt and burden of life choices that have seen me loose too many friends and those I would call family. I can’t wallow in this grief any further. I’ll update daily how I am travelling
    2 x
    Wenna (facilitator)
    Moderator
    Posts: 72
    Joined: Tue Mar 27, 2018 5:02 pm

    Re: Starting My 100 Day Challenge

    Tue Sep 21, 2021 2:28 am

    Hi @guiltridden


    100 Day challenge along with daily check ins can often offer the support and focus to make the changes you mentioned. Looking forward to reading more from you.

    Cheers,
    Wenna
    Moderator
    1 x
    Printemps
    Moderator
    Posts: 397
    Joined: Tue May 04, 2021 8:12 am

    Re: Starting My 100 Day Challenge

    Tue Sep 21, 2021 8:57 am

    hey @guiltridden

    Welcome to the forums. As @Wenna (facilitator) mentioned, having this space to check in and track how you're travelling is really useful! Everyone here has lived experiencing and is on their own recovery journey's or supporting that of a loved one. This is a space for judgement free support.

    How are you going today?
    0 x
    guiltridden
    Junior Member
    Posts: 5
    Joined: Mon Sep 20, 2021 7:02 pm

    Re: Starting My 100 Day Challenge

    Tue Sep 21, 2021 9:41 pm

    Hi Guys,

    Day One: I’ve been to three seperate venues today where I could gamble and haven’t. I’m please my first day felt like turning a new chapter. I’ll post daily and give a snippet of my story from past through to present

    It starts off as follows: I once had a friend I put much trust in and left a job of seven years to start a new business with him
    1 x
    Printemps
    Moderator
    Posts: 397
    Joined: Tue May 04, 2021 8:12 am

    Re: Starting My 100 Day Challenge

    Thu Sep 23, 2021 2:25 pm

    @guiltridden

    It sounds like you had a good day on Tuesday! How was Wednesday and Thursday?
    0 x
    guiltridden
    Junior Member
    Posts: 5
    Joined: Mon Sep 20, 2021 7:02 pm

    Re: Starting My 100 Day Challenge

    Thu Sep 23, 2021 8:17 pm

    Day Two And Three

    Have not gambled both days although I got mind blowing drunk last night. I don’t know why so I have to try and keep this in check if I start using this to stop thinking about gambling. I don’t know which would ultimately be worse. In better news i run my own handyman business but took an ADF entrance test just to see what’s out their - the defence force have contacted me today advising my aptitude test was extremely high and I have opened up all career pathways in the defence force including pilot positions I’m considering my options

    Story Continues….

    We started our construction business and things got busy very quickly. As things got busier we started using drugs to both focus and also lose ourselves from the stress
    1 x
    guiltridden
    Junior Member
    Posts: 5
    Joined: Mon Sep 20, 2021 7:02 pm

    Re: Starting My 100 Day Challenge

    Thu Sep 23, 2021 8:21 pm

    **** Guys - I feel like penning all this out gradually will help me. I don’t really have a family so I don’t have anyone to talk to about this so I’m sorry if it’s not to everyone’s taste
    1 x
    Printemps
    Moderator
    Posts: 397
    Joined: Tue May 04, 2021 8:12 am

    Re: Starting My 100 Day Challenge

    Fri Sep 24, 2021 8:18 am

    @guiltridden It is great to hear that you haven't gambled the past two days! Do you feel that you're swapping out gambling for alcohol?

    It might be worthwhile thinking about how drinking can affect our decision making, and whether there is a risk you may gamble while intoxicated. Are there other things you can be doing to keep yourself occupied, other than drinking?

    Also, please feel free to share your story however you feel most comfortable!
    1 x
    guiltridden
    Junior Member
    Posts: 5
    Joined: Mon Sep 20, 2021 7:02 pm

    Re: Starting My 100 Day Challenge

    Fri Sep 24, 2021 10:05 pm

    Day Four: Still haven’t gambled. I managed to do quite a few jobs today and my work was neat which I was proud of. I caught up with a staff member who used to work with me at the construction business. It was therapeutic to me as I got to get a few things off my chest, I’m still being blamed for the business collapse near on 7 months having left regardless of the evidence to the contrary with the traits and ins and outs of the fellow I partnered with. The chap I partnered with does not see reason for anything other than to blame me, however the fellow I caught up with actually said congrats on managing to deal with everything for so long which was refreshing. I’m sad his business has failed and I hope he and his family find happiness in their next journey. I am also sad that he cannot find any fault in his own actions which were exponentially worse than my own - which I take responsibility for and I’m still working through the failure and trying to learn from array of mistakes and bad decisions. Apparently he has also become friends with the guy I used to work with for seven years, a business i left working 60+ hours a week on a salary, definitely some good perks though he did look after me but i got sick of being the one that did the majority of the administrative and development work of his business, it didn’t end overly badly just that sort of tension on resignation but at this point these two basically hated each other. So i can only imagine what is being said about me and it really gets me down that the good things I did for so long for both of them is not acknowledged. I know their personality types - typically selfish, liars and both have Narcissistic traits but looking at it objectively I start thinking - well I am the common denominator. Two people on this earth absolutely hate me for mainly baseless reason that i can see and i question - am I really that terrible? I am doing some soul searching tonight and working through what I think I can do better in my own life to be a better person. I don’t think I’m destined to have people close to me, I feel like I just want to live my life alone and be left alone, be responsible for my own things without people passing the buck and extrapolating blame to me for their own short comings, inability or pure mistakes. I will never work for / with someone again as I don’t want this emotional trauma of trying to figure it all out. I’ve wasted a significant portion of my life trying to do good things for these people and help them make money primarily. I admit my mistakes with my last venture the one prior to that was immaculate to the point where the owner became extremely wealthy off the back of my work. I will continue to elaborate on the latest tomorrow (this is getting long winded) but I’ve never done something that I know of being illegal in business or had any intent on harming someone else I was working with or for. I feel like these people go about their lives personally and professionally doing the wrong things sometimes really wrong things and I’ve helped them find a solution. Then at the end of it all - I am this “bad guy”. Have I had a bad run of luck with the people I’m drawn to or gravitate toward? Or am I missing a piece of the puzzle that their truely is something I need to fix in myself. I’m considering seeing a psychologist, I have to be objective and look at myself, i don’t want go through life where maybe I’m oblivious to my own faults. I know my short comings (I think) but it’s really hard fathom that maybe my own moral compass is in jeopardy. It eats me up but I also know the facts about my relationships with these guys and take solace in that too as long as it’s not incorrect. I’ve never had many friends mainly because I am strange which I think comes from being intellectually endowed with the ability to do and understand some things other people can’t, it comes off as arrogant. Anyhow I may seek proffessional help in the way of psychologist / councillor as I want to be able to talk to someone transparently and be told if I’m right, wrong or whatever in respect to my thoughts. Thanks for taking time to read this
    1 x
    Lovely Cat Lady
    Moderator
    Posts: 608
    Joined: Mon May 03, 2021 9:30 am

    Re: Starting My 100 Day Challenge

    Sun Sep 26, 2021 12:00 pm

    Hi @guiltridden,

    Congratulations for reaching day 6 today! How has your weekend been?

    Thank you for sharing your story with us. I'm very sorry to hear the complications you went through with your ex-business partner. However, seems you're pretty clear on how things went down and where you stand with it all. On the other hand, the ADF looks like a wonderful new opportunity/career pathway for you and a great motivation to look forward to.

    In relation to drinking alcohol, @Printemps has raised a very good point. Gambling and alcohol can often go hand by hand. I would highly recommend to have a look at these blog posts:
    -Your answers from Dr Jane Oakes: The Connection between alcohol and gambling
    -Gambling and alcohol
    -A dangerous combination: When drinking and gambling come together

    And finally, seeing a psychologist or a counsellor is a fantastic idea. Gambling is usually the tip of the iceberg to many other underlying issues. If you don't have someone already, I believe a GP can refer you to one. when do you reckon you'll look into this?

    Keep us posted on you're going. :);
    0 x

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