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  • Day 0 but feeling determined

    For those taking the 100 Day Challenge. Share your journey, seek support and track your progress here!
    Menz199
    Senior Member
    Posts: 226
    Joined: Sat Dec 23, 2017 8:11 am

    Re: Day 0 but feeling determined

    Fri Jun 18, 2021 12:21 am

    Hello @Lovely Cat Lady and @Printemps
    I am doing alright, thanks for asking I appreciate it. I did type out a reply on Wednesday, but I lost it and I became very busy, and the website had kicked me out by the time I returned and I forgot to save the draft. But otherwise I'm fine.


    I do have a lot on my mind and have been on a emotional rollercoaster these past couple days. I'll go into the details later as I'm very tired and it's rather late. I better be off to bed.


    But most importantly I still haven't gambled. So still proud of myself.


    48 - Soooooo close to half way, still feeling good.
    2 x
    Menz199
    Senior Member
    Posts: 226
    Joined: Sat Dec 23, 2017 8:11 am

    Re: Day 0 but feeling determined

    Fri Jun 18, 2021 11:31 pm

    Hi all
    Today was good I did work today. I'm looking forward to the weekend, I'm thinking I should postpone the Sydney trip as the Covid situation seems to getting worse, I know I'm probably being a bit over cautious but it's better being safe than sorry.

    Also the weather calls for rain all weekend, so I may prefer to stay home and keep dry. We'll see what the morning brings. Either way I won't be at work so I'm happy.

    Otherwise I tired as usual, but I'm planning on going into depth over what's happened over the last couple of days.

    Day 49 - Tired but looking forward to the weekend :D
    I honestly can't believe tomorrow will be day 50 and I'll be half way through this 100 day challenge. :D


    Hope you all have a great weekend too.
    1 x
    Printemps
    Moderator
    Posts: 345
    Joined: Tue May 04, 2021 8:12 am

    Re: Day 0 but feeling determined

    Sat Jun 19, 2021 11:26 am

    @Menz199 It's a tough one with the covid situation, but I agree, better to be safe than sorry. hopefully they will be able to get everything under control soon and you can take your trip!

    A rainy weekend always calls for some rest and a cosy at home day! You sound a lot more positive this morning than on Friday, I hope you're feeling a bit better. remember you can share here if you're feeling comfortable.

    WOW! half way though, that must feel incredible! Do you have any tips, or words of wisdom for anyone starting out?
    1 x
    Menz199
    Senior Member
    Posts: 226
    Joined: Sat Dec 23, 2017 8:11 am

    Re: Day 0 but feeling determined

    Sat Jun 19, 2021 2:31 pm

    Hi all
    First of all @Lovely Cat Lady I'm glad to hear your safe and sound.

    When it comes to journaling back in the past, I didn't really enjoy writing it. Hence why I didn't keep it up. But at the same time I was not 100% committed to giving up gambling, it was more of pressure from others to give it up. Where as now, this is completely my choice. This change is completely my own not someone else's. I find journaling more enjoyable now because it's a great way to write down ideas and A great way to reflect on your own thought's, feelings and mistakes and how you can improve yourself based on what you've written.

    Keeping a journal on here is great because others can support you and provide advice from their own experiences. Someone wrote a great quote on a group on Facebook I'm on. "One day you will tell your story of how you've overcome what your going through and it will become part of someone else's survival guide."

    I feel as telling my story on here, may one day help others with their own battles and reading other stories helps to remind me that I'm not alone on this journey.


    What have I done differently from the past attempts I've made?

    1. Well first of all the obvious one of keeping this journal and sticking with it.

    2. Downloading the 'I Am Sober' app has been a huge help as it keep track from when you stopped. It encourages you to 'Pledge' everyday and review your day by commenting your how easy it was to stick your pledge, mood and what you did that day. It also provides you a little place for notes which I write how that day has gone, similar to what I've done on here. It also has a community and you can follow others journeys.

    3. Whenever I do think about gambling I distract myself by thinking/doing something else. The best thing to do is not let the thoughts linger, because if they do the urge will get stronger.

    Yes @Printemps I hope Sydney calms down soon as well. I am feeling a little guilty about pulling out on my friends in Sydney but they are understanding. The last thing I want to do is come back sick and make others sick.

    Today has been overcast and windy, not ideal weather to be outside, unfortunately I can't do washing either, so mainly just being tidying up house and watching tv and catching up on a few things that need doing. Might head out to the shops for a few things later.

    Now to explain what happened over the last couple of days. I have always felt comfortable writing but wanted to be in the right frame of mind and not be half asleep hahaha, that's why I've kept the last couple of posts short.

    On Wednesday, I got up feeling great, the work car I use had to have an inspection so got that done. But it had to have a tyre replaced but I had to pay for it out of my own pocket, (I have been shuffled around a few cars in the last few months, not my choice) but this was not the first time that I had to get tyres replaced. Being short on money and with my boss taking longer and longer to pay me each week. (I would eventually be compensated for the tyres) When I first started with him he would pay me on Tuesdays, then it became every Wednesday, then Thursday and at the moment he just pays me whenever he feels like it. There's no consistency anymore, and I don't know when I'm getting paid anymore. I have asked him and he has just replied with, (I'll do pays when I get around to it).

    Anyway I had to go to my Phycologist at midday, so I went to that and we had a great chat about me and how I can start to manage my anxiety. After having the car inspected I had decided that I had had enough and that I was going to quit as I was sick of the way the boss did things. So straight after my appointment I went straight to his place to get my personal car and quit. Surprisingly he came out and we had a chat. He did a bit of 'guilt tripping' to me (I won't to into specifics) but he convinced me to see out the week. He did get the tyre fixed so I could continue to work.

    The thing is because it's his car, the onus is on him to maintain it and make sure all tyres and what not are up to scratch. He had never told me it would be my responsibility for maintenance therefore I shouldn't be paying for things myself. Had he been upfront with that I'd had less of a problem with it.

    One of the things that has always bugged me about him is lack of communication, I can text him with a question and It can sometimes take a very long time to get a response. Sometimes I feel he's ignoring me.

    The worst thing is because I don't know when I'm getting paid I can't plan to far in advance on bills. So this week was starting to become very stressful as things were starting to pile up. Thankfully he paid me that afternoon.

    I am still going to leave, just to make that clear. I did ask him to be a clear when it comes to communication and other things, but let's be honest here, that will be the case for a little while but I think things will go quickly go back to the way they are now.

    But on the way home, my head was all over the place. I was thinking, am I doing the right thing? Should I stay? Is this my fault?
    I've talked to a workmate and a friend of mine as they have reassured me that I am making the right choice.

    But for the most part I was very confused for most of the afternoon. I didn't do any work that day. Anyway I went home and relaxed for a bit. I eventually went for a run which was great. I wanted to get my mind off the situation and exercise was the perfect thing to do. Now to try and make a regular habit of exercise that I have been very slack at doing :p

    The last couple of days of work have been very good and my workmate has called me a few times to check up on me. I am very grateful for him to do that for me.

    He did give me some details of someone else potentially work for in the short term so fingers crossed that pans out ok. I met him on Thursday so he seems like a good guy, he was upfront with what he expects of me, so I think it going to work out ok. (It's the same job just a different boss)

    I am a bit anxious about shifting to a new boss but I think it's the right thing to do.

    On the way home yesterday, I said to myself. Use this time as A opportunity, not just to continue to work but try and find out what you want to do. I have been telling myself for a long time but I think the time is right to push forward and look at options. Problem is I keeping telling myself to look at study/new job, but I get myself so focused on the job I have, that it seems impossible to think outside the box. (I hope that makes sense)

    This is the kick up the backside I need, so I need to use the opportunity while it's fresh in my mind before I get bogged down in work again.

    Phew I have belting at these keys for an hour and a half now, but I feel like I've caught up and again thank you @Printemps for checking up with me. I am sorry for the very long post but needed to explain what's been going on.

    I think it's time for a break from screens for a little while haha :p

    I hope that all that make sense and I apologise in advance if that is confusing or poorly worded. I have tried to explain as best I can.

    Day 50 - WAHOO halfway feeling great, feeling a bit anxious about the week ahead but as I said I feel like it's the right choice.

    For anyone starting out, please don't feel afraid to reach out on here for help. It can be scary but remember everyone on here is here to help you.
    3 x
    Printemps
    Moderator
    Posts: 345
    Joined: Tue May 04, 2021 8:12 am

    Re: Day 0 but feeling determined

    Sat Jun 19, 2021 3:19 pm

    @Menz199 I just want to say I'm really happy your shared all this! the fact you're comfortable sharing what's been going on in the forums means a lot!

    I love that quote from Facebook. I think that's such an important way to look at your own journey! It's also very much the point of these forums, I'm certain there are a lot of members who have been able to take away encouragement, tips and strength from you, and other members, sharing their stories here!

    You've got a really good set of techniques to help you stay on track and get to where you are now. The fact that they're varied as well is so important. You're doing things to look after both your mental and physical health at the same time. Any massive change can only happen when we're looking after ourselves holistically, and that's what you're doing right now!

    The recent situation at work sounds like such a massive mess about. I'm sorry to hear your boss is so difficult when it comes to communication, and also basic workers rights, like regular pay. It makes it hard to feel respected and comfortable at work when those you work with don't give you the same respect you give them. I know you've mentioned look for a new job a little while ago, as you say, this was the straw. Your work colleague and friend sound like they really have your back though, and it's fantastic they were able to put you in contact with another boss, so that you aren't without options!

    I'm just wondering with all the goals you've set for yourself recently in regards to your anxiety, how are you going with this change? Is it an exciting prospect?

    Finally, GO YOU!!!! @Menz199 you have come so incredibly far. I wonder if the courage you had now to call it quits at work, getting your psych appointments sorted out etc. would have happened 50 days ago?

    Thank you again for sharing, good on you for your perseverance and strength, seeing your journey to this point has been a privileged :); I'm so exciyted to see what the coming days have in store!

    Now go rest your eyes!
    1 x
    Anita44
    Senior Member
    Posts: 363
    Joined: Sat May 08, 2021 9:30 pm

    Re: Day 0 but feeling determined

    Sat Jun 19, 2021 7:34 pm

    Hi menz199 how are you doing? you must be feeling fantastic congrats you make it 50 days gamble free yay amazing you.
    0 x
    Lovely Cat Lady
    Moderator
    Posts: 526
    Joined: Mon May 03, 2021 9:30 am

    Re: Day 0 but feeling determined

    Sun Jun 20, 2021 4:14 pm

    Hi @Menz199,

    Wow, lots going on for you...

    First of all, Day 51!!!! Woohoo, congratulations!!! :cool: :cool: :cool:

    You've said a couple of times that the difference this time is you're 100% committed to quit, and I think it's fantastic that you're able to recognise this and acknowledge it as such. It's also very important to keep in mind where this determination is coming from because if you're ever tempted again in the future, remembering it can be a powerful tool to avoid a derail (hope that makes sense).

    Beautiful reflection on the benefits you're getting from your journaling. (I need some claps emojis here). You're spot on, the thing with journaling is it helps us form a sort of picture of our mental selves. Being able to go back and identify our own patterns can be a powerful tool to help us learn from our mistakes and improve ourselves, as you've pointed out. Also, love the FB quote! (I've added it to the quotes thread). And again, you're spot on, you're story will help other people on the forums too. For example, someone else might read how the 'I sober app' has helped you and download it too. So thank you for sharing what has been working for you! :);

    Ok, not sure where to start with the work update. Overall, think you're taking it really well (apologies if I'm wrong tho). Sounds like you're looking at it from an incredibly rational perspective, which is great. And I really admire the fact that you're seeing it as an opportunity, because it definitely is. All I'll say about your boss is seriously not cool... not knowing when you'll get paid can be very stressful and obviously you can't plan bills in advance. I'm really sorry to hear you've been paying the tyres too, again, so not cool. I'm not even going to go into work rights.... Kudos on seeing your psychologist, it's great that you get the right supports for yourself when you need them. That's always going to take you a long way.

    Regarding quitting, at the end of the day, only you know what's best for you and for how longer you're willing to stick around because I think, again, you're spot on the chances of things going quickly back to the old ways. When I have to make "important" decisions, more than thinking whether it's right or not, the one thing I always try to keep in mind is: will I be able to go to bed tonight in peace with this decision? I'm getting the sense that you've already made peace with your choice, so that would seem to be to be the right choice for you.

    Nice to read your workmate is checking up on you. That's really sweet of him. Sometimes people don't realise that the little things like that can make a big difference.

    So great you already have another potential work offer doing the same job for a short-term. Crossing my fingers for you too!

    Makes absolute sense. This short-term job does sound like an opportunity for you to have some time to assess what you want to do, and it's fabulous that you'd be getting into it with that in mind so as you said you don't get sucked into the work dynamic. These decisions are big decisions. I've been there not long ago, so 100% get it.

    Keep us posted mate. And seriously, I hope this crossroad works out for the best for you. :);
    1 x
    Menz199
    Senior Member
    Posts: 226
    Joined: Sat Dec 23, 2017 8:11 am

    Re: Day 0 but feeling determined

    Sun Jun 20, 2021 10:33 pm

    Hey guys

    Thank you so much your support, I am so grateful to have you on this journey.

    Day 52 mostly uneventful, because of the rain. I did go out and do some shopping but otherwise a quiet day.

    I regards to my anxiety, thinking about it is a bit scary haha, since discussing it, I'm actually thinking about it more, which is a good thing. Like anything else I've done, I'm going to take it one step at a time. It is an exciting prospect because it's going to help me in the long run.

    Now 50 days ago, I wouldn't have been able to done most, if anything of the changes I've made in my life. 50 days ago I was a wreck. I was depressed and miserable. I had no Idea of where to turn. I could even say stuck in a hole. But I knew I was determined on one thing that night. To get off the never ending merry-go-round. To stop gambling which I have done and will continue to do so. It's only since I've stopped gambling and craving that dopamine fix, that my mind has become clearer.

    Day 52 - Looking forward to the week ahead. Like I said, I'm am a little anxious but know I'm making the right choice
    2 x
    Lovely Cat Lady
    Moderator
    Posts: 526
    Joined: Mon May 03, 2021 9:30 am

    Re: Day 0 but feeling determined

    Mon Jun 21, 2021 12:42 pm

    Hi @Menz199,

    Day 53!!! Way to go! :cool: :cool: :cool:

    One step at a time sounds like the best approach, and definitely the best for not increasing anxiety.

    Makes a lot of sense what you're describing. Seems that once we start to implement changes, more changes start to occur by inertia. The fact you're no longer in that wreck head space also allows you to have more energy and that "clearer mind" to get on top of those new additional changes.

    Hope this week goes well for you.
    :D
    0 x
    Menz199
    Senior Member
    Posts: 226
    Joined: Sat Dec 23, 2017 8:11 am

    Re: Day 0 but feeling determined

    Tue Jun 22, 2021 11:14 pm

    Hey all
    So i'll keep this one short. But the last couple of days have been great. Work has been great, work has been very busy. Things are going pretty well so far, aside from the weather, it's mainly been cold and miserable here.

    Feeling tired so better be off to bed.

    Day 53 Feeling great, i'm in a very good place mentally. Fingers crossed the rest of the week is great. :D
    1 x

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