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Re: JBs 100 day challenge

Posted: Thu Dec 24, 2020 6:55 pm
by JB-nsw
Day 6, first day off work for Christmas. A couple of fleeting thoughts about gambling, nothing too major though. Back tomorrow.

Re: JBs 100 day challenge

Posted: Fri Dec 25, 2020 6:39 am
by Squeaky
@JB-nsw well done. Great posting is helping; this accountability is fabulous.

Re: JBs 100 day challenge

Posted: Fri Dec 25, 2020 8:13 pm
by JB-nsw
Day 7, merry Christmas. A bit tougher today, some urges - but not going to act on it. Best wishes to all, back tomorrow.

Re: JBs 100 day challenge

Posted: Sat Dec 26, 2020 6:09 pm
by JB-nsw
Day 8, toughest yet.. my mind was trying to justify why it would be ok to go gamble "a little bit".. have had that conversation with myself many times before and I know once I go all reason will go out the window until I leave angry and disappointed with myself. Interesting thing, and probably the only thing that stopped me, was the thought of having to post here. I also thought about the reasons, today probably boredom - then I thought what would I do tomorrow when I was bored, the next day and so on.. answer being I can't go off and waste hundreds of $$ only to be in the same spot tomorrow anyway - just with the added bit of feeling really bad about myself. So I have chosen not to go, and battled a bit with it today. Maybe tomorrow will be easier, maybe it will be worse, but regardless it will be better than had I of gone and gambled today.

Re: JBs 100 day challenge

Posted: Sun Dec 27, 2020 4:40 pm
by JB-nsw
Major slip up today.. same feelings as yesterday and I acted on it and went. Boredom was the reason.. I even considered lying here and pretending it didn't happen, but that's just lying to myself.

Unbelievable, but it happened I just have to own it and try to learn. I am somewhat obsessing with this posting thing, im going to cut back to posting once a week or so - I think on some strange level posting every day is triggering me a bit as well.

So how do I feel right now? Messed up, hating myself and calling myself all sorts of names, and then just empty inside. No longer bored thats for sure but the cost of that was insane. Had this feeling so many times I know it well - wont feel like gambling for another week. Next time, what will I do different? I will read this post and hopefully it will be enough to avoid it.

This is for the future me that will read this (this is just for me): dont do it, you have no control to stop, you hate it when you are there and start to lose, and then you snap and just lose more and more money. It makes you feel worthless, empty, depressed.. it makes you feel like a loser. Ask yourself how much money you have lost over the years, how much happier you may have been and how your life might be different. There's time to change, just bloody suck it up and don't go.

Re: JBs 100 day challenge

Posted: Sun Dec 27, 2020 5:02 pm
by JB-nsw
Correction to last post, 20 minutes and im bored again ffs.. so everything was a waste all for 2 hours. Im done with it, maybe I can use this to strengthen my resolve so it's not a complete waste. Ok that's my vent done, can't change it so letting it go for now but will try not to forget how this feels so I don't do it again.

Re: JBs 100 day challenge

Posted: Sun Dec 27, 2020 5:20 pm
by JB-nsw
Ok, had a shower and calmed down a bit. Everything will be ok, it was just a slip. Reset the focus and continue on, I can do this.

Re: JBs 100 day challenge

Posted: Mon Dec 28, 2020 7:06 am
by Squeaky
Hearing u .. @JB-nsw . It was a slip. Keep going, your resolve is still there. U doing amazing as consciously aware my friend. :);

Re: JBs 100 day challenge

Posted: Mon Dec 28, 2020 3:31 pm
by JB-nsw
Thanks @Squeaky. I feel much better today. So I'm counting this as day 10 of 110 haha I'm not going back to 0.

Re: JBs 100 day challenge

Posted: Tue Dec 29, 2020 7:46 pm
by JB-nsw
11/110.. ok today, start of the cycle (recent history is once a week gambler) so I probably have another 2 or 3 days before any signs of urges..