Page 1 of 1

Biggest regret of my life

Posted: Sat Dec 12, 2020 2:37 am
by Yeahnah
Today is my first day of quitting pokies after 1.5 years. I've been a member of multiple clubs and lost fair bit of money on pokies (don't know how much exactly and nor want to know.)

For me finance has never been an issue. Though, these machines have really destroyed my life, my social life and its one of the biggest regret of my life. I honestly don't believe that I will ever go back after last night - People say that everyone says that but this time I think Its going to change it once for all. My last spending was about $800 on a machine that didn't give 1 feature or coin spin. I got extremely angry and instead of pulling out more money I smashed the club membership cards (all 4 of them), chucked it in the bin and went home.

I am extremely angry at how corrupt and greedy this whole system is. These guys should be taken to court! Its not the loss or losses that made me take this first step but rather being treated like an absolute fool.

I think the anger will help me recover from this faster.

I have no plans to even going back to a club for dinner or to have a drink. For the past 1 month, every time I walked passed a poker machine it makes me feel so crap inside whether I even play on it that day or not. I feel like a close friend or relative passed away. It reminds me all the bad memories and wasted time.

I have a list of what has negatively impacted my life and this has to change now!
- Amount of time I spent in the clubs (For pokies or other events like food, drinks etc...)
- Money I spent
- The lights destroying my eyes
- I wake up tired for the next 2 days at least (If I play after 12am its even worse the following day)
- Destroying sleeping pattern
- Mood swings
- Feeling very depressed or/and angry when you instantly lose without even getting a chance
- Sometimes waking up feeling frightened about losing X amount (I did mention that money is not an issue but you still wake up feeling scared or frightened about 'omg i lost X amount of money' for a second. Its such a bad thing that it has an impact in your daily life...its like a bloody snake!)
- A life without a purpose
- Surrounded by people who are massive liars and fake (Especially in the smoking area when you go outside to socialise. They always talk about their wins or losses or how crap the machines or club is. Its like watching the same movie everyday and I always hated it.)
- If I lose 1-3 times in a row I become grumpy or very angry person (harmless to outside and machines). I feel anger at myself most likely which goes away after few hours.
- Gained about 12KG weight in 5-6 months
- Feeling tired all the time
- Affecting my work progress (It took me a lot more to complete a certain task compared to life before pokies)
- People kept telling me; You are an educated person and you really don't deserve this life. Go home or go out...dont waste your time here. Don't be like us.. we lost thousands and thousands.. You are only 28 and you haven't gambled for long so quit now and go home!

Look I could have more on this list but its 2:20am in the morning and my brain is slowly shutting down. All I can say to people is, it doesn't matter if you have 100k or 500k in the bank and whether you do $0.50, $3 or $10 bets. You get destroyed this way or another because the system is not actually random or completely random. Its so rigged!

I know i made a massive mistake and its my fault.

For those who are keen to know how I started. I don't even know the rules of a simple card game so I had no idea about how these machines worked. It was my friend who got me to play it. He said that we get free and unlimited drinks if we play pokies and we can put in $1 and do $0.01 cent bets and drink all day long. We used to go to club to just have a chat and pay $4 or $5 for a drink at the front of the club (seating area). That $0.01 bet was enough to get me addicted to go back and thats how I ended up playing for 1.5 years and eventually it went all the way up to $10 bets (Maximum bet).

Re: Biggest regret of my life

Posted: Mon Dec 14, 2020 6:29 pm
by Calvin (facilitator)
Hi @Yeahnah and welcome to the forums! :D
Thankyou so much for sharing with us all. We really appreciate your honesty and openness.

Sometimes it takes some time to get to that point of realization of how toxic gambling really is and how 'winning' gets taken out of the equation quite quickly.
I'm glad to see that you're working towards making a change. Use this time to treat yourself with some kindness, engage in lots of self-care, prepare for what you need to do next to help get yourself some support and figure out what your main urges are that way you can pinpoint when they come up for you.
If you would like to learn a little more about the pokie machines and how people do become addicted to them, I would suggest you watch this short doco here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bny1qgKO46A
Also consider taking part in the 100 day challenge https://www.100dc.com.au/
Its a great way to measure your progress along the way too.

Does anyone have any words of support for Yeahnah?