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  • I need my life back

    For those taking the 100 Day Challenge. Share your journey, seek support and track your progress here!
    User avatar
    nolife
    Junior Member
    Posts: 6
    Joined: Mon Oct 12, 2020 3:31 pm

    I need my life back

    Mon Oct 12, 2020 4:23 pm

    Hi all, I've read many beautiful post here filled with people with similar problems and how to get through this tough time and I think it's my turn to sort of commit myself to this journey too.
    As I'm writing this, I believed this will be my first step of many. I had 2 beautiful kids and married. My wife really had no idea about my demon inside of me.

    I was merely a light gambler back 2 years ago only on soccer bet. I put on multis for just a maximum 50 per week just for my fav team.
    Then last year I had friends visit from overseas and asked me to bring them to Casino. This is when I was introduced to pokies. I did not have the urge back then, only when friends came visit from overseas.

    Then a month before lockdown in February 2020, I saw a new pub just finished renovated on my way to work, for some reason, I pay a visit myself and had some beer/smoke and put $50 note. Guess what? I won $700. Then the next day, I went there again and won $800. I lost 200 the next day but at the end of the week I won a total $1700.

    That's when I realised I probably had a luck in this thing. Then lockdown happened and I was feeling glad and also sad and lonely. Life slowly turn back to normal and the urge has completely gone.
    Until the govt decided to open the pub again, that's when the demon spoke to me and I went back in.

    I tried to discipline myself to set a limit of $50 per day on my way home from work prior picking the kids up from school or using my lunch time from work. If I won a free spin for example $120, then I will cash out and put $20 in just to see how it goes and if i lose that 20, then I'll head out and end up win just $50. Sometimes I won more from that 20 dollars. but anyway, It kept on going until 3-4 months and I checked my account transaction and turn out I already lost around $2000. I did not realise until I checked my account.

    My partner checked on our shared account (home loan) and found so many small transaction with amount range of $70-$150. Then I lied that I used those for buying fishing equipment on pre-order and paid cash in installments. I had to borrow money from my friend to actually purchase the fishing stuff. She believed it and I felt relieved but also felt like crap because I rarely lied to her.

    So I stopped the pokies for a week and tried to fish during my lunchtime at work. It worked for that week only then the demon came back haunting me each bloody time I passed the pub! it sort of whisper to my ear and giving me ideas how I should lie again paying off monthly credit card for an extra couple hundreds, or filling up fuel and cash out some money from there.

    I felt crap and just kept losing until yesterday. There were so many times instead of going home to have a proper lunch, I lied to my family that work provided free lunch so I can just go to the pub and put in 50-100.

    This has got to stop.

    So today is day 1.

    My strategy
    1. Using iCal reminder set at 11:55AM with a heading "You can do it, NEVER GIVE UP" because this is when my lunch start. It'll prompt me
    2. leaving my wallet at work so I can't swipe my card at fuel station or atm
    3. have my fishing rods and equipment in my car ready
    4. Will try keep posting once every few days in here so I know where I'm at.
    5. Back to praying routine each day.

    Wish me luck
    1 x
    User avatar
    JinxyWolf
    Senior Member
    Posts: 371
    Joined: Wed Feb 15, 2017 8:51 pm

    Re: I need my life back

    Mon Oct 12, 2020 7:48 pm

    Hi NoLife and Welcome to the forum,

    It takes a lot of courage to admit that your gambling is out of control so congrats. You have taken the first step to getting this demon off your back and you should be proud.

    Putting barriers in place is a great start. A gambling problem can sneak up on you for sure, sometimes you don't realize just what it is costing you. Not only in monitory value but also in lost time with family and friends. The lies that must be told to hide money lost can weigh you down and the emotional toll it takes shouldn't be overlooked either. Perhaps reaching out to a councellor or the help line might help you to come up with some other strategies you can use to get on top of your addiction. I know for me email councelling was a huge asset.

    Know that this forum is a wonderful platform, there is no judgement as we are all fighting the same demon and on the same journey.

    You deserve a gamble free future, so fight for it. Stay Strong and Be Well.

    JinxyWolf
    1 x
    User avatar
    nolife
    Junior Member
    Posts: 6
    Joined: Mon Oct 12, 2020 3:31 pm

    Re: I need my life back

    Wed Oct 14, 2020 8:38 am

    Day 3. Had a Covid test which prevents me to go anywhere. but the urges still there, it kept whispering to me to go and put some money in.
    results was negative by the way.
    1 x
    Ila123
    Moderator
    Posts: 68
    Joined: Fri Dec 07, 2018 11:50 am

    Re: I need my life back

    Thu Oct 15, 2020 11:40 am

    Hi @nolife

    Welldone on day-3, good work.

    It can be challenging having those thoughts in your mind playing you. It could be helpful during those times to do a list of the pros and cons about gambling again by reflecting/comparing that to the past.

    What strategies have you got in place to cope with the urges?

    Have you thought about how you might celebrate when you reach the 1 week milestone? It's important to stay motivated and positive.


    Keep up the good work!
    0 x
    User avatar
    nolife
    Junior Member
    Posts: 6
    Joined: Mon Oct 12, 2020 3:31 pm

    Re: I need my life back

    Tue Oct 20, 2020 3:47 pm

    Day 8. wow didn't realised it's 8 now.
    I haven't touch the machine so far but the urges still there when it reach 11:55AM. This is when usually I quickly rush to ATM machine and draw some money out.
    So what I did was to leave my wallet with all the cards in it, delete my net banking from my phone (you can still cashless withdraw with your phone), got the fishing rods out in the car and fishing during lunchtime.
    In the weekend I usually had no issue since mostly I spent my time with the kids. just those weekdays during lunch/home time.

    will update again
    3 x
    Calvin (facilitator)
    Moderator
    Posts: 620
    Joined: Tue Mar 27, 2018 5:01 pm

    Re: I need my life back

    Thu Oct 22, 2020 9:26 am

    Well done!!! Already over a week!
    Great to hear that you were able to stop yourself without reacting immediately to those urges, instead you've put some great strategies in place! Keep it up :D
    0 x
    User avatar
    nolife
    Junior Member
    Posts: 6
    Joined: Mon Oct 12, 2020 3:31 pm

    Re: I need my life back

    Fri Dec 11, 2020 6:28 pm

    Hi all. I’m back. Sorry for the long response. I have not touched machine all these time. Been busy myself with lots of fishing schedules and work. I smoked more than usual though. But overall I’m quite happy with the lost of desire to touch the machine.

    My daily routine changes drastically. I still not bring my wallet to me when work.

    I hope everyone stay safe and strong
    1 x
    Calvin (facilitator)
    Moderator
    Posts: 620
    Joined: Tue Mar 27, 2018 5:01 pm

    Re: I need my life back

    Fri Dec 11, 2020 6:32 pm

    Good to hear from you @nolife !
    Wow well done for staying away from the machines!! How long has it been now since you last gambled? What strategies have worked for you?
    0 x
    User avatar
    nolife
    Junior Member
    Posts: 6
    Joined: Mon Oct 12, 2020 3:31 pm

    Re: I need my life back

    Mon Dec 14, 2020 11:17 am

    Hi Mod. To get my mind off I changed my daily routines from waking up to finish work in the afternoon. What really worked for me was leaving my wallet at home. It has my key card to get money from atm machines. Because i have gotten used to pull money from atm during lunch and after work, this cut me off completely. It take few weeks to get the desire off your mind
    2 x
    Calvin (facilitator)
    Moderator
    Posts: 620
    Joined: Tue Mar 27, 2018 5:01 pm

    Re: I need my life back

    Mon Dec 14, 2020 1:52 pm

    Well done! Yes cutting access to money is definitely a good strategy to have!
    0 x

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