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  • Day 1 - 20 & Tired.

    For those taking the 100 Day Challenge. Share your journey, seek support and track your progress here!
    Mamamia
    Junior Member
    Posts: 25
    Joined: Sat Sep 26, 2020 8:16 pm

    Day 1 - 20 & Tired.

    Sat Sep 26, 2020 9:13 pm

    Hi 20yo sports/racing addict here (hate the pokies for whatever its worth!)...

    I started gambling at age 17, my mate who turned 18 a month before me let me use his account, been hooked ever since along with my mates. I remember saying "why wouldn't people just do this whenever they are bored" - thousands of dollars later, now i know.

    Its strange, i consider myself financially responsible (i've always been frugal, saved every dime and been anxious about wasting money because when i randomly need it i wont have it) however, whilst i still am this way, since gambling, whatever i've saved through my frugal habits, I then lose 10x that in a betting session. Obviously, this pains me and destroys my self worth.

    I'm lucky, i live at home and don't have to pay rent or anything, also i've always maintained a level of savings (however small it is, compared to what it should/could be) but when i'm wasting my life by using all my hard earned cash to either save or bet with (+ any minor items i purchase i.e pub visit with mates or food) i know i need to change.

    In the past two days, i lost $450. This was my designated 'spending' money for the fortnight which, excluding betting, i wouldn't typically spend more that 60% of this amount, especially during these COVID times - i lost all of it. I'm going to have to lean on my savings (again) for the necessary expenses until next pay...i feel like ****. Whats the point of setting goals (holidays, investments, etc) when i never do anything to further them. I'm afraid i'll be 10 years down the line, wishing i'd stopped today, and being stuck behind in life as a result. Thats how i feel today, behind where i believe i should be because ive gambled away thousands.

    It's strange, i go into autopilot and start losing, either until i have a moment of realisation OR ive lost all my money OR until whatever amount i win (however high) is completely gone along with my deposit - and then, as **** as i feel, i am almost relieved because i think, 'hey, at least this might be the time that whetever i tell myself im going to do (quit betting, not bet for a month etc. etc) - this might be the time that that sticks'. Then a week passes, and i forget the pain, and get bored, and i think this time will be different, 'i'll just put $10 in and if it loses, it loses' - Skip forward a few hours, without fail, i'm deep into a hole. Pathetic really.

    I dont believe myself when i say 'this is the time i'll quit/get in control of this habit', with the amount of permanently self excluded accounts, newly opened bookies, temporarily excluded accounts, variations of deposit limits... my track record of failed attempts doesn't give me any hope. But, i do hope this is the time i stop or control it, I really do. I've opened this online help account, my parents have recently become aware and i'll speak to them about today's loss, i've set my goals, banned my accounts, given myself every chance to give this a true crack - now, i've just got to fight every urge and voice in my head telling me to bet. I need to remind myself i'm an addict not a casual punter. I don't want to have to think about NOT thinking about ***** greyhounds and ponies every time i quit, so today is the day - the line in the sand.

    No amount of luck or regret can undo the past three years of wasted time and money, i've got to put it behind me and accept responsibility for my future.

    My goal: i can see two days where i won't be able to not gamble between now and december (Melb cup + Race day at mates), if i keep a strict max loss of $50 for these occassions, and dont gamble any other time between now and 2021 - ill be happy... even if it wasn't 100 consecutive days without gambling.

    Apologies for the spiel, but here's to Day 1 of 100 (kinda) - it's now or never!
    0 x
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    JinxyWolf
    Senior Member
    Posts: 358
    Joined: Wed Feb 15, 2017 8:51 pm

    Re: Day 1 - 20 & Tired.

    Sun Sep 27, 2020 5:37 pm

    Hi and Welcome to the forum,

    Congrats on taking the first steps to becoming gamble free. It takes real courage to admit that your gambling is out of control and to realize this at such a young age is a credit to you. It took me 15 years to finally admit I was a gambling addict and I wish I had your clarity when I was your age.

    Boredom was a big trigger for me as well so I know where you are coming from. Trying to fill that time with other activities will go a long way to helping you kick this habit. And Gambling is a habit, it becomes ingrained in our daily routine and our daily thought processes. Although hard this is a habit that can be broken and once it has you will know a freedom you never thought possible.

    The feeling of loss, guilt and shame is hard to shake. You will find yourself looking back and kicking yourself for not saving that money but just remember that the past is the past, it can't be undone but it can be learnt from. Letting yourself be dragged down for past mistakes is not how you move forward. All you can do is acknowledge those mistakes, own them and try not to repeat them.

    I used to get the same autopilot sensation when I played the pokies. It gave me freedom to let all my problems disappear and just loose myself in the act of gambling. But this freedom came at a terrible cost to both my emotional wellbeing and my financial future. Gambling is an escape, whether it's trying to escape boredom or problems in your life. You have already done some great working in putting up barriers to gambling which is a credit to you. Identifying ahead of time when you might feel bored and want to gamble gives you the ability to put in place other activities that you will enjoy to fill that time. Whether that's watching a movie, going for a walk or whatever.

    I hope this wasn't too long winded :p

    I wish you all the best on your journey and know that we are all here to help you along this road.

    JinxyWolf
    1 x
    Mamamia
    Junior Member
    Posts: 25
    Joined: Sat Sep 26, 2020 8:16 pm

    Re: Day 1 - 20 & Tired.

    Sun Sep 27, 2020 7:26 pm

    Cheers Jinxy!

    Not long winded at all! Its good to hear people reaffirm and validate my concerns because i know the path i'm headed, but many others don't. Hit the nail on the head there, when i'm gambling its got ALL of my attention, its hard to find something that engages you to this extent, but fear of losing is hardly a healthy manner of being engaged.

    Day 1 over - not so bad but the wounds are fresh and i know the real temptation will come when i have money, time, access and a 'its not that big of a deal'/'ill just bet x amount' mentality...if i can prevent these things i reckon i can do it.

    I'm afraid that when i do kick this habit, the drunken-like haze will settle and i'll be even more gutted about the amount i've wasted. I'm also afraid the price ill pay for not keeping all this money is yet to be seen (e.g travel, moving out, nights out etc). Like a terrible sense of impending doom. Truly my biggest regret so far has been developing this habit... but hey, i will grow from this.

    99 More days to go...then a lifetime after that lol.
    0 x
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    JinxyWolf
    Senior Member
    Posts: 358
    Joined: Wed Feb 15, 2017 8:51 pm

    Re: Day 1 - 20 & Tired.

    Sun Sep 27, 2020 8:17 pm

    Hi Mamamia,

    Fear and regret is a natural reaction to what you are going through. I found that facing it on head on is the way to go, avoiding it, bury it, is the fastest way to returning to your habit. Fearing the future is not going to help you beat this addiction nor is getting bogged down by the past. Yes, you have lost money, like all of us, and yes you can't get that money back and the sooner you understand and accept this the sooner you'll be able to move on.

    I started gambling when I was 18 and it took till I was 35 to give it up completely. Now if I was to focus on all the money I lost in those 15 years I would want to crawl into a hole and never come out. Instead I focus on what I've been able to achieve since I quit. I bought my first new car, I renovated my house, hell I even bought a Nintendo Switch and a graphics drawing tablet. That's what I've been able to achieve in just 3 short years. Imagine what you can achieve being so young if gambling was out of your life. Start small, set an easily achievable goal, once you reach that goal set another, perhaps this time a bit bigger and so on. Also remember to reward your self when you reach a goal. Shout yourself a treat or simply give yourself a pat on the back.

    Try not to think about the future or dwell on the past, today is the only day that matters. What you do and the choices you make today are the only things you can control.

    So here's to taking things one day at a time. Be well.

    JinxyWolf
    1 x
    Mamamia
    Junior Member
    Posts: 25
    Joined: Sat Sep 26, 2020 8:16 pm

    Re: Day 1 - 20 & Tired.

    Mon Sep 28, 2020 6:59 pm

    Okay Day 2 done.

    Spoke to parents - hard conversation but necessary.

    I feel bad because no one can help me except me, and i need to treat helping me like my future depends on it - because it does.

    I need to be more desperate to not bet than to bet. Fingers crossed i can do that!
    0 x
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    JinxyWolf
    Senior Member
    Posts: 358
    Joined: Wed Feb 15, 2017 8:51 pm

    Re: Day 1 - 20 & Tired.

    Mon Sep 28, 2020 7:35 pm

    HI Mamamia,

    Congrats on having the talk. I know it's a hard conversation to have, it takes guts and real strength to open up and admit that you need help, so well done.

    I know you feel like the only person who can help you beat this addiction is you and that is true to a certain extent, as only we can make the choice to not gamble but please know that there are plenty of other tools that can support you on this journey. This forum for one and I also found councelling a huge help in my journey. I got some great advice on strategies to cope with urges and how to identify gambling triggers.

    Please know that you are not alone in this, we all need someone to lean on in tough times, we can't always do it on our own and luckily we don't have to. So if you feel yourself sliding or just want to talk to someone reach out, ask for help, whether that is a family member, a councellor or this forum. All these tools are here to help us on our journey to a gamble free future, which is something that we all deserve.

    Stay Strong and Be Well.

    JinxyWolf
    1 x
    Mamamia
    Junior Member
    Posts: 25
    Joined: Sat Sep 26, 2020 8:16 pm

    Re: Day 1 - 20 & Tired.

    Mon Sep 28, 2020 7:58 pm

    Cheers Jinxy

    I'll definitely make use of this forum and look into face to face counselling.

    I'll post a small update each day confirming i've not gambled. I know Thurs-Sat will be my danger days so i'm going to make sure im extremely aware of myself on these days.

    It's good to know there's community support around me!
    2 x
    Mamamia
    Junior Member
    Posts: 25
    Joined: Sat Sep 26, 2020 8:16 pm

    Re: Day 1 - 20 & Tired.

    Tue Sep 29, 2020 4:50 pm

    Day 3 not over yet, but i wont be gambling today!

    Had, and had to shut down, thoughts minimising my addiction and reasoning ways i could bet on the nrl/afl finals coming up, e.g:
    - just put a small same game multi on and leave it at that
    - you could just put small multis on just sports nothing else
    etc. etc...

    I didn't entertain these thoughts but they definitely entered my mind. Just told myself, make 100 days then, i can think about if i'm capable of this, because right now i'm definitely not.

    Onto day 4 :)
    1 x
    Calvin (facilitator)
    Moderator
    Posts: 591
    Joined: Tue Mar 27, 2018 5:01 pm

    Re: Day 1 - 20 & Tired.

    Tue Sep 29, 2020 5:04 pm

    Hi @Mamamia Thanks for your up date.
    Well done on reaching Day 4!!
    It can be challenging to experience those thoughts that try to persuade you, instead try to challenge them!
    Distract yourself as best you can. You would find as days go by, urges become less instense.

    Keep up the great work!! :D
    1 x
    Mamamia
    Junior Member
    Posts: 25
    Joined: Sat Sep 26, 2020 8:16 pm

    Re: Day 1 - 20 & Tired.

    Wed Sep 30, 2020 3:53 pm

    Hi Guys

    Again Day 4 not done, wont be gambling today however.

    Busy with uni + fam dinner, probably would've procrastinated by gambling by now if i wasn't putting in an active effort. Still procrastinating but at least not gambling...

    Lots of mates sending their bets for the weekend, have to ignore and keep on keeping on...

    Onto day 5!
    1 x

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