Starting 100 day challenge - 2nd day

[Squeaky]

Lost a lot over a couple of days On the pokies since not gambling for 10 days. Felt sick in the stomach, had 2 bat nights. Spoke to the online chat yesterday, very helpful and no judgment. Meditated and did my breathing exercises yesterday, was at my training this morning, did not take my card with me so was pleased got the shopping and came home. Fortunately am not in debt, but added up what I have gambled since July, after going 84 days no gambling partly because of lockdown, it’s a lot. I have made the commitment to do the 100-day challenge. I am sure it will not be easy and next step is to phone for a telephone counselling.

[sherpa09 (facilitator)]

Hi Squeaky,

Its Sherpa09 here (one of the moderators on the forum). Its not easy to pick yourself up after a relapse, however you've shown great strength in dusting yourself off and giving the 100 day challenge a go! We look forward to your future posts and please keep us updated on your journey :)

Regards,

Sherpa09.

[Squeaky]

Hi Sherpa. Lovely to b accountable on this space and feel the support.

[Calvin (facilitator)]

Hi @Squeaky
Good on you for reaching out to us :)
Relapses are a normal part of journey towards getting rid of gambling for good. What matters the most is what you have learnt from those relapses, how you can prepare for the next trigger/urge that comes up for you, and figure out ways to respond differently to those triggers. Glad to hear you've put meditation in your routine and some breathing exercises, this can help a great deal!

Let us know how you go with the 100 day challenge :)

[Squeaky]

Day 5 of 100-day challenge. Different emotions surfacing about where my life is now. Yes fresh start to build and do it all differently; seems a long slog at the moment to live by change. Stomach is churning. That feeling is still there from the last relapse, which is a good reminder for me. Tired today. Going swimming in a while with some pals and then will come home to do some art, this is a new inspiration for me so will see where the inspiration takes me. One day at a time.

[Squeaky]

Now into my 8th day, proud of myself, and so much more of life is opening out. Feeling so happy. It reminds me of a quote “our deepest fear is our lightness not our darkness that destroys us”.
When things feel really light, this is a trigger for self sabotage for me, so think of this quote and it is so guiding me to stay in my lightness and make better use of my time. Having been painting over the weekend and participated in an online cookery class. Bought myself some flowers today, all part of my new self care regime. Feeling blessed.

[Calvin (facilitator)]

Love that quote!! Sometimes its that fear of unknown that that light can bring also!
Great to hear you are engaging more in self-care, those sounds like fun ideas! Keep up the great work

[Squeaky]

Now onto my 14th day - keeping focussed.

[Squeaky]

Thanks Calvin - love that quote too.

[JinxyWolf]

Hi Squeaky,

Just thought I'd pop in and congratulate you on your progress so far.

I too love my art especially since giving up gambling. Put a pencil in my hand and the world drifts away, I can loose myself in a project and it is something I have always been passionate about. Finding my way back to that passion is something I will always be greatful for. This forum has a lot to do with that .

I love the way you are being kind to yourself as well. I think its important to give yourself a pat on the back when you reach a goal and not get stuck on past mistakes.
I wish you all the best on your journey.

JinxyWolf

P.S. Love the quote too.