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  • Back again

    For those taking the 100 Day Challenge. Share your journey, seek support and track your progress here!
    Zaromerkand
    Junior Member
    Posts: 5
    Joined: Sun Dec 03, 2017 12:37 pm

    Back again

    Fri Feb 28, 2020 10:48 pm

    4 months ago, just like usual, I placed my bet to recoup my loss chasing that money and hope that I can bet the system to win back all my money lost. And yet again, I put myself even in more debt. I stood up, closed my laptop and told myself today is the day it will be the last day I ever want to place my bet ever again.

    Since then everything was going so well, I start to steer away from the thought of gambling, filled my free time with staying healthy, going to the gym, picking up a new hobby. Finally i was be able to pay back on my credit card and save up some money. Life was good, very good then one day I start to want to buy a new TV, then a thought come to my mind telling myself if I could gamble to earn some money so that I can buy the TV. Then I decided to open up my laptop, starting to sign up for a sporting gambling website (because the one I usually go on, i have closed it down and self-exclude myself) and placing my first bet after 4 months of staying clean. The adrenaline rush in, my mind lights up after the team i placed my bet on score, I feel like i am invincible , nothing can stop me, I am clearly win this. Not too long later, the opponent scored, from feeling exciting, energetic and extremely happy now I am drop down to feeling angered, agitated, worried.

    Eventually, i lost the bet, and then the cycle started one more time, placing more bet to chase my loss and recoup my money but the result as we know, placing me into deeper water. I start to withdraw from my credit card again and told myself i can do this, i can win all of them back because I know how to beat the system but the end result will be the same, throwing myself into deeper crisis and bigger debt. I lied on my bed after countless sleepless nights, drained out of energy from staying up late watching countless of matches and placing bets on teams that I never heard of, just hope for that one miracle bet that will save me from this darkness that I pulled myself into even though the end result will be the same every time. Feeling hopeless, powerless, and unable to cope with reality, I sit down in the corner and cried. I have thrown all my 4 months worth of saving and now in debt from my credit card.

    I have to pick myself up again. Tomorrow will be my day ONE and hopefully , it is the only day ONE i ever mention from now until the rest of my life. The road to recovery starts now... once again.

    Day 0 (28/02/2020)
    3 x
    Zaromerkand
    Junior Member
    Posts: 5
    Joined: Sun Dec 03, 2017 12:37 pm

    Re: Back again

    Sun Mar 01, 2020 6:08 pm

    Day 2 01/03/2020

    Waking up today with mixed feeling. Feeling fresh after countless of sleepless nights glued my eyes to my computer screen on betting websites. My body somewhat recovered from all the mental and physical stress I put my body through. Starting with a healthy breakfast and off to the gym. Recently my co-workers noticed my change saying that I have gain some muscles and you are looking good. I should use that as a motivation to reach my goal of getting more muscular. Working out hard in the gym using my setback as motivation, gotta admit it works in a way.

    Cleaning up the house today and did some self care chores. However, my mind is still in a mixed world, still thinking about the all the trauma of losing all my money, trying to eliminate that thoughts by doing something else useful. Mom and Dad texting me saying they miss me as I am living away from them. I guess the most important people in this world is your family. Maybe I should start spending more time with them. Gotta find my strategies to get through the trauma and the regrets. Life is much more than this, I have to keep fighting.
    3 x
    Springhope17
    Senior Member
    Posts: 234
    Joined: Fri Sep 08, 2017 10:16 pm

    Re: Back again

    Mon Mar 02, 2020 6:09 pm

    You are doing so well.
    Reach out to family and friends it can be a long process to start to reconnect but worth it in the end.
    Keep up the great work!
    3 x
    Calvin (facilitator)
    Senior Member
    Posts: 465
    Joined: Tue Mar 27, 2018 5:01 pm

    Re: Back again

    Wed Mar 04, 2020 12:36 pm

    Hi @Zaromerkand
    I understand its tough especially during the beginning stages. like any habit it takes a whole lot of readjusting.
    Continue to keep yourself busy. Emotions can be running high throughout this time trying to accept all the money spent overtime.
    But try everyday to practice kindness to yourself, by firstly forgiving the choices you made in the past.

    Keep it up !
    1 x

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