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If Nothing Changes.......Nothing Changes

Posted: Sun Jul 07, 2019 12:15 pm
by ABeatenMan
Hi All,

And so the merry go round continues...for me at least to has been going around for 38 years, during which I have wasted countless amounts of money, self esteem and self worth

I am a broken man when it comes to pokies machines. What started out as a bit of fun, spiralled into something far more sinister. I have tried to give up before, and have been to GA for a few different attempts, but if I am honest with myself, I have never really committed to giving up gambling. I hate to say it, but I like playing the pokies. They take me away from my other troubles, only to get me into more.

I wonder sometimes what the people who work in the pokie venues think of us. They must see us as sad losers I think, and wonder why we do it, and they are right. What they don't see through is that this is an insidious addiction, as strong as any other addiction. They don't see the anguish,a nd internal battles we fight on a. daily basis, it is so exhausting.

This time has to be different. This time I commit to this completely.

My fight is over, they have won. I cannot, and will not submit to them again.

I finish this off with a quote from a GA meeting I went to..........."If I always do, what I always did.......I'll always get, what I always got".

Stay safe, stay strong and gamble free....this is day 2 for me

andrew

Re: If Nothing Changes.......Nothing Changes

Posted: Sun Jul 07, 2019 2:44 pm
by Mona58
Hi Andrew

I believe that some of the people who work in the venues do play elsewhere... so I think they can empathise.

After 20+ months gamble free I've not really forgotten how difficult it was to break away from the D dens. Try and keep busy to help pass the time and occupy the thoughts .-as the saying goes ''An idle mind is a devils playground!"

Life has become quite routine, much calmer and stable.

All the best on your journey!

Stay strong!

Mona

Re: If Nothing Changes.......Nothing Changes

Posted: Tue Jul 09, 2019 6:24 pm
by ABeatenMan
Hi Mona,

Thankyou for your words of encouragement.

It is day 4 for me today and at the moment I have so much else going on that gambling hasn't been an issue for me to think about. It's pay day on Thursday though and with money in my pocket, I know I will be tempted. Still I am looking at this as being a life long commitment, one day at a time. It can't matter whether it is a pay day or not, I am committed not to gamble

Andrew

Re: If Nothing Changes.......Nothing Changes

Posted: Wed Jul 10, 2019 12:42 pm
by Mona58
Hi Andrew'

Maybe don't think its payday.... change the thoughts.

l can go pass "paydays" like its another day. In the beginning l told myself payday was the day after so I fought through the day till it became a new habit ... so now payday can be any day l need something or a bill to pay.

It is a slow process ... one day at a time!

Mona

Re: If Nothing Changes.......Nothing Changes

Posted: Thu Jul 11, 2019 10:02 am
by TimTam
Hi @ABeatenMan

Thank you so much for sharing your story, it is a very courageous thing to do.
It sounds like you have been suffering for a very long time, and now is your time to change your life!
How are you going now?
I really like Mona's comments on changing your thoughts about pay day. Do you have other strategies in place to protect your money when you get paid?
Some people like to hand over their finances to someone they trust so they don't have access to money for a while. Others use the money to buy a gift card, so they have to spend the money on things like food, petrol etc.

Take care,

Tim Tam

Re: If Nothing Changes.......Nothing Changes

Posted: Thu Jul 11, 2019 11:55 am
by ABeatenMan
Hi TimTam,

Yes I do have a few strategies I use. One is that I rarely take an ATM card to work (gambling during lunchtimes is my big problem).
I have credit card that does not allow cash withdrawal so that helps the urges as I have no quick way to obtain cash.

I am lucky in the my wife is very understanding and that she controls access to our main account, and I have a small account to buy bits and pieces, or save up for something for myself.

As it turns out Im not at work today (payday) because I have a shoulder injury, and in no small amount of pain. On the usual meds from the dr so hoping that will kick in soon.

To be honest I am feeling good (injury aside) from the gambling aspect. I am feeling like I am taking this seriously this time, and that am reconciling myself with the reality I can never gamble again.

The stories I read on here are inspiring for me, as at times I have felt that I could never give up. I know though this will not be easy, but at least for now, any I can only think in those terms, I will not have a bet today

Andrew

Re: If Nothing Changes.......Nothing Changes

Posted: Sat Jul 13, 2019 10:42 am
by dragon007 (facilitator)
Hi Andrew @ABeatenMan

Try to notice all the nice things you are getting back in your life.

The feeling of control, calmness and hope.

Be patient and enjoy your life again.

All the best
dragon007

Re: If Nothing Changes.......Nothing Changes

Posted: Tue Jul 16, 2019 7:10 pm
by ABeatenMan
Day 10 today and so far so good. Some of that boils down to having so mush other stuff going on, that gambling has not even entered my mind. When you have pain though it's hard to think of anything else apart from the pain, so I am not patting myself on the back for that.

With that said another day gamble free is a good day from that particular type of pain

Andrew

Re: If Nothing Changes.......Nothing Changes

Posted: Sat Jul 27, 2019 1:11 pm
by ABeatenMan
Day 22 today. It has been a week full of bad urges. If I had not have taken away quick access to cash, I would have been in trouble.

It is true what they say though, the urges do pass in a relatively short period of time. My mind is distracted onto something else and it goes away.....and then comes back later on but hey this was not meant to be easy was it.

I'm dealing with a few other life dramas at the moment, and I'm not sure if that is a blessing or a curse. Life dramas can be a gambling trigger, but then again with so much else going on it takes my focus away from the pokies.

To be honest though after just reading what I wrote, I don't think I needed a trigger of something else in life going on, I just use it as an excuse for why I gambled.
When I used to go to GA they talked about why people gambled, and it seemed to be mostly about a way to escape other troubles. Ironic isn't it that the one thing you do to try to escape troubles, ends up being probably the biggest problem in my life.

Re: If Nothing Changes.......Nothing Changes

Posted: Fri Aug 02, 2019 7:48 am
by TimTam
Day 22 @ABeatenMan is a great achievement!
You have done well to sit with those urges, yes they can be very uncomfortable, but as you realised, they don't last very long. Over time those urges will be less strong and won't pop up as much.

Take care