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  • My Last Day One

    For those taking the 100 Day Challenge. Share your journey, seek support and track your progress here!
    Jc
    Senior Member
    Posts: 137
    Joined: Mon Sep 07, 2015 5:13 am

    Re: My Last Day One

    Wed Jan 02, 2019 9:44 pm

    Hey everybody,

    I hope you all had a great Christmas and New Years.

    As for me, I’ve been up and down. I’ve gambled, quit for a week, gambled again, quit for a week the last 6 weeks I’ve been absent. I’m lucky because I’ve tucked my savings away that I cannot touch them. However, it’s still a struggle from week to week with my pay.

    Aaaaand you were all right. A few months back I decided to ‘scratch that itch’ which led me to spiral. I did something REALLY stupid. I mean incredibly stupid during my gambling stints. I smashed my phone. I got so upset that a bet didn’t go my way...I just threw my phone and it got destroyed. It really threw me off for the Christmas budget and all. And I had just bought one a few months prior. Absolutely idiotic.

    This Christmas I felt incredibly lonely, isolated and depressed. I thought this was going to be different. I thought Christmas would be better, I was on such a good roll - 8 months without gambling and I blew it. It would have been the first Holiday period in years that would have been gamble-free. The downside of tucking my savings away was that i did not have much money over Christmas. After presents, new phone, bills etc etc, I’m left with very little money left over until work begins again. I’m young and I just had to stay home all by myself, giving excuse after excuse why I couldn’t even go out. It was déjà vu from the last 5 years. But it’s my mess and my fault, and these are the consequences of my actions.

    I need to accept what I have done, because I can’t change it. The more I think about it, the angrier I get at myself. I do not want to start the year with so much self-loathing. I cannot undo the past but I can alter my present and change my future. 2019 is one of self-forgiveness.

    I needed to practice what I preach: I’ve been quoting gamblers anonymous the last 8 months saying ‘one bet is too much and a thousand bets are not enough’. And yet there I was, putting that first bet down...

    I have felt so crap the last few weeks. The highs that you get from gambling are just not worth the misery. I felt so good being 8 months gamble free, I’m going to start again.

    I also said that keeping track of days is not a good idea because it makes you constantly think about gambling. However, it gives me something to work towards. And that’s what i’ll do.

    I’ve been gamble free for seven days, but I shall not count them. Tomorrow is Day One.


    Some tips for me

    - self forgiveness
    - a day at a time
    - not peruse the betting websites just to ‘look at odds’ as that triggers me
    - cut back on sports as that, unfortunately is a trigger for me.
    - read more

    Ok guys, feel free to add more tips.
    5 x
    Under the rug
    Member
    Posts: 36
    Joined: Sun May 06, 2018 6:09 pm

    Re: My Last Day One

    Sun Jan 06, 2019 1:41 am

    JC, Cazza.. I’m sorry to here.

    JC it sounds like we slipped up around the same time. Here too had an urge I just couldn’t stick it out. I was going fine, it was non existent to me. And all of a sudden I was there...

    It’s unfortunate because we both were going well. But I have realised that I don’t enjoy it anymore. It was a few hundred that I had spent, but at the start of the year I would leave big, or with not a cent to my name. It’s weird how that works..

    I had access to more money on my card, but I just stopped and just thought. It’s 2am... I could be in bed resting and being up early the next day and being productive. I just think sitting in front of a machine does nothing for me anymore. It kind of felt like a chore.

    It was being in that same position I was a few months ago, I get back into the car to drive home. Feel helpless, stink of cigarette smoke, constantly over hearing that “oh the feature was so close” or “that would have been such a big win if that was there” from people on the machines around me ect. What really done it for me was watching people wave there hands against the screen hoping for a miracle to happen. That’s when I really thought “what the f*ck am I doing back here”

    I just played and whatever the outcome was, it was. I guess I’m trying to saying I wasn’t hoping for anything. It was more, get it out of your system. Leave, and don’t come back..


    I’m going to get back onto the path I was, it was a good one so i can’t wait to be feeling right again. I prefer not to count this time, because when it reached the 200 day mark, I thought one small bet shouldn’t hurt? Right?

    Wrong.....
    3 x
    Jc
    Senior Member
    Posts: 137
    Joined: Mon Sep 07, 2015 5:13 am

    Re: My Last Day One

    Wed Jan 09, 2019 2:55 pm

    I agree 100% Dan. I did not enjoy it one bit. All I did was sit down on my as$ every weekend like the old days and binge on sports betting. From morning to night. I hated myself for it, I just kept saying one more bet, I’ll win my money back and everything will be alright. I did end up winning it back and more...I could’ve pulled out then and there. Gambling winnings is just tainted money. It will only be used to be put back into gambling. And that’s what I did...


    I was feeling so good throughout last year. I want to get back to that place.

    Today is day 9.
    3 x
    How the F did I get here
    Senior Member
    Posts: 259
    Joined: Sun Apr 08, 2018 11:05 pm

    Re: My Last Day One

    Mon Jan 14, 2019 12:36 am

    Hey JC,

    So sorry to hear. Yep you and Dan were doing so well! Oh well it's just a bump in the road as they say. You guys have done amazing before, so no doubt you have the strength and determination to do it again.

    All the best, keep pushing!
    2 x
    Jc
    Senior Member
    Posts: 137
    Joined: Mon Sep 07, 2015 5:13 am

    Re: My Last Day One

    Tue Jan 15, 2019 9:30 pm

    Today marks Day 15 :)
    3 x
    Jc
    Senior Member
    Posts: 137
    Joined: Mon Sep 07, 2015 5:13 am

    Re: My Last Day One

    Mon Jan 21, 2019 10:42 pm

    Day 21
    1 x
    How the F did I get here
    Senior Member
    Posts: 259
    Joined: Sun Apr 08, 2018 11:05 pm

    Re: My Last Day One

    Tue Jan 22, 2019 12:10 am

    Good one JC!!
    1 x
    Calvin (facilitator)
    Senior Member
    Posts: 318
    Joined: Tue Mar 27, 2018 4:01 pm

    Re: My Last Day One

    Tue Jan 22, 2019 12:17 pm

    Hi @Jc

    So good to hear you say that you can't undo whats done in the past but can only focus on the present.
    Sometimes this is the only way to look forward.

    At times, it can be helpful to revisit these difficult feelings of anger etc the next time an urge occurs, that way it can act as a reminder of the potential consequences of giving in to an urge.
    1 x
    onemorechance
    Junior Member
    Posts: 14
    Joined: Sat Jan 26, 2019 9:12 am

    Re: My Last Day One

    Sun Jan 27, 2019 11:53 am

    Hi JC.

    You definitely have the right attitude mate, you absolutely cannot change what happened in the past but you can change what happens in the future.

    In my recent therapy session my therapist told me something that I thought was fantastic and I wanted to share it with you.

    When we gamble part of our brain becomes infected. The longer and more we gamble, the larger this space becomes.
    When you want to stop gambling, you are using a different part of your brain which you are not used too. He compared this to walking along a cliffs edge.
    Every day you go without gambling the part of the brain which was infected with your gambling addiction becomes smaller. And the cliff edge you walked on to stop becomes greater, from a cliffs edge, to a path, to a road, and so on. Not only is the infected part of your brain getting smaller, but the other side of your brain which you haven't exercised before starts to grow. Remember this every day you do not gamble. I found this out after I stopped gambling however I think it's a really great driver for someone to stop as it's something you can use on a daily basis to remind yourself that you are repairing your brain.

    I hope that can help a little :);
    4 x
    Jc
    Senior Member
    Posts: 137
    Joined: Mon Sep 07, 2015 5:13 am

    Re: My Last Day One

    Tue Jan 29, 2019 8:48 am

    Hey everyone, thanks for the kind words. Means a lot to me.

    I was incredibly bored during the long weekend...temptations almost getting better of me.

    Day 29 today
    4 x

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