100 day challenge.. What feels like my last hope

For those taking the 100 Day Challenge. Share your journey, seek support and track your progress here!

Re: 100 day challenge.. What feels like my last hope

Postby Springhope17 » Thu Sep 14, 2017 4:36 pm

Thanks for all the positive comments.

Today is day 13 GF.

I spoke to an online counsellor last night as I was feeling really down and negative with myself. I was like how could I have been so stupid why didn't I stop years ago? How could I get myself in SOO much debt? It feels like it will take a lifetime to pay off! It helped me focus on the positive and not be to hard on myself.

Last night I dreamed of pokies.. I was at the casino and I won a $8000 jackpot and then a $1500. I woke up frustrated that I was dreaming of gambling. I kept busy all day and made sure I had no access to funds just in case I was tempted to go and play.

When does it get easier?
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Re: 100 day challenge.. What feels like my last hope

Postby User 586eee5282d07 » Tue Sep 12, 2017 10:20 pm

You have made some really smart choices over the past 11days and are doing great. Everyday you don't gamble the feelings of wellness will grow and start to push away the anxiety and remorse. You can do this, keep posting :-)

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Re: 100 day challenge.. What feels like my last hope

Postby Springhope17 » Tue Sep 12, 2017 8:36 pm

Hi Cam,

I hope you make today a GF day its a horrible thing to suffer from.

Lets not feed anymore of our hard earned dollars into the machines!

I really appreciate everyone's support and comments on here it helps to have people to talk to who suffer from the same addiction and problems.
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Re: 100 day challenge.. What feels like my last hope

Postby Cam » Tue Sep 12, 2017 5:15 pm

Your initial post was so similar to my situation. I feel your pain and only people that have been down this road could know what it feels like! Keep up the good work. I'm going to start from today and make sure I never waste another hard earned dollar.
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Re: 100 day challenge.. What feels like my last hope

Postby Springhope17 » Tue Sep 12, 2017 3:48 pm

Today is day 11.

I dont feeling as good as I have the past few days. I am feeling down and anxious. I am stressing about money, about bills and then I think how could I have been so stupid to let things get so bad. Then i start worrying what if my family, friends or work find out about my addiction. There is no way they could possible understand, hell i dont even understand.

Why was I so stupid, why didn't i stop sooner, surely I could see the damage it was doing to my life. In all honesty I could see that it was destroying my life but I couldnt seem to stop! It was like I was a robot going time after time after time chasing my losses! Every time I walked out with no money in my account, having lost everything -feeling completely worthless. The anger and frustration I have felt and still not feel within myself is the most horrible feelings. I feel worthless like there is no hope and there is no escape.

Writing how i feel down actually makes me a little better. I spend hours reading posts on the forums seeing how many people are having similar struggles and feelings. I find it useful and it makes me feel like I am not completely alone in this world.

In the past when I have had feelings like this I would take what ever money i have and go and gamble in the hopes of winning enough just to cover this weeks bills! I felt like it was my only option that there was no other way of paying these bills.

Instead this time I have made sure i have no access to cash and I have logged on to this forum instead!

Has anyone read or watched any programs that have helped them? Books or articles on gambling? Or on regaining happiness or a life in general?
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Re: 100 day challenge.. What feels like my last hope

Postby Ceejay » Tue Sep 12, 2017 8:59 am

It sounds like the person who is really you is waking up again, Springhope. I hope the world is a brighter, better place for you today.
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Re: 100 day challenge.. What feels like my last hope

Postby Dependz » Tue Sep 12, 2017 12:02 am

Awesome Stuff! Doing well, will follow along with your story, best wishes to you on your journey :)
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Re: 100 day challenge.. What feels like my last hope

Postby DFP » Mon Sep 11, 2017 9:11 pm

Congratulations! That's a great milestone. Making better choice and staying strong. You should feel proud. Keep going, one day at a time!
Always a 'work in progress'
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Re: 100 day challenge.. What feels like my last hope

Postby Springhope17 » Mon Sep 11, 2017 4:17 pm

Its been 10 days! YAY

I am still staying strong, remaining positive! I am proud of myself i'll quickly explain why! We stayed in the city, had dinner at a restaurant in the crown complex. My other half and a friend went into crown after dinner for an hour or so, I choose to go back to the hotel. I was happy and proud of my decision! I have spent the day in the city walking around went to Fitzroy gardens, botanical gardens, NGV and lots of window shopping. It has felt good! I feel alive again! Rather then a robot sitting for hours and hours in front of machines!

I am trying to start to normalise my life again and trying to find other interests to fill up my time!

I know I have a huge road ahead of me to fight this addiction! As well as the financial implications that this disgusting habit has cost me. Honestly its going to take me years to pay off all the loans and credit cards that I have taken to feed this addition over the past few years! But I need to keep looking forward! I cant let this addiction take anymore from my life.

Day 10 of the rest of my life im feeling hopeful !
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Re: 100 day challenge.. What feels like my last hope

Postby Jerry (facilitator) » Sun Sep 10, 2017 11:04 am

Hi Springhope17 ,

7 days is a great start.

Gambling is a tricky thing to beat, but you are showing that you have the persistence needed to conquer it. It's not easy to quit gambling, but there is plenty of support available. This forum is a supportive place.

I look forward to hearing about your progress.

Welcome to the forum
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