100 day challenge.. What feels like my last hope

For those taking the 100 Day Challenge. Share your journey, seek support and track your progress here!

Re: 100 day challenge.. What feels like my last hope

Postby Springhope17 » Sat Sep 23, 2017 12:45 am

Today is day 21 GF.

I have spent the last hour on the forum reading other peoples stories.

I am still is a state of shock with the mess i have made of my life. I was looking further into all my loans/ credit cards that I am trying to repay. I recon over the past 4 years I have lost well over $100,000 into pokie machines! I don't own anything! I have nothing to my name! Its not even like I can say I am starting fresh or starting over because it feels like I will be paying off these debts for the rest of my life!!

I am happy I have stopped and physically I dont feel as stressed or anxious. But these debts are killing me !!!!!!!!!!!
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Re: 100 day challenge.. What feels like my last hope

Postby Springhope17 » Thu Sep 21, 2017 6:18 pm

Hi Wits end and DFP,

Thanks for the reply, I am happy to say today I am 20 GF.

I paid all the bills/rent etc when it hit my account. I didn't have enough to cover them all but i paid the most essential.

I am trying to remain positive about my decision to quit. It is frustrating that for the past 20 days I have done everything right and I still have no money. All gone on pay day and now another 2 weeks basically living on nothing!
But at least I don't have the horrible feelings of self hatred and worthlessness. And rent and some bills were paid!

I watched the show 'you cant ask that' it was a real eye opener, Could of been me up there easy.

Today I choose not to gamble.
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Re: 100 day challenge.. What feels like my last hope

Postby DFP » Wed Sep 20, 2017 8:05 pm

Hi Springhope17
The voice in our head is devious. In terms of protecting your current pay, are you able to quickly pay as many bills, rent etc. as possible straight away; this then leaves you with minimal cash left to do any damage. I found it easy to abstain and resist urges if I had no money - the destruction kicked again in once I had cash. So can you get rid of your funds (constructively) as soon as you get paid, and then continue to abstain? I am on day 29 today, and every day I have severely limited my access to cash - and this works for me. Take care and best wishes with beating the urges.
Always a 'work in progress'
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Re: 100 day challenge.. What feels like my last hope

Postby Wits end » Wed Sep 20, 2017 5:21 pm

I know how you feel. It is such hard work fighting the voices in my head. I know if I play I will end up with $0 in the bank. When I have urges I try to remember how it felt last time I blew all my money, But my mind seems to block the feeling. But I am not going to play them NOT today.
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Re: 100 day challenge.. What feels like my last hope

Postby Springhope17 » Wed Sep 20, 2017 4:23 pm

Hi everyone,

Thanks for all the positive advice.

Today is day 19 GF.

I am struggling alot! I can feel all the old warning signs!

I am about to get paid and as usual I don't have enough to cover all the rent, bills and all the loan and credit card repayments i have accumulated from this addiction. I can feel the urges in my head saying you have no way to pay all the bills if you play just a couple of $100s and then win $500 it will help cover some bills to next pay. But we all know its never just a couple of $100s I will go in lose $50 then chase that and sit there until there in $0 in my account. Having these thoughts are making me feel agitated and annoyed with myself, in addition I am feeling down and tired!

I am determined to keep myself busy and NOT gamble.
Springhope17
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Re: 100 day challenge.. What feels like my last hope

Postby DFP » Tue Sep 19, 2017 12:55 am

Hi Springhope

I think the second program to watch (in addition to kaching) would be "you can't ask that" on gambling (series 2 on iview). A group of gamblers answer questions about their addiction
Very powerful.
Hope you are going well. Stay strong and focused.
Always a 'work in progress'
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Re: 100 day challenge.. What feels like my last hope

Postby Dependz » Sun Sep 17, 2017 4:00 pm

Hey Springhope,

Doing so well, understandable to have a bit of a reflect on things, but definitely better now than never. Keep up the good work.

I've heard good things about the Dalai lamas - art of happiness and have recently been reading Buddhism for busy people by David Michie

All the best, look forward to keeping up with your progress :)
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Re: 100 day challenge.. What feels like my last hope

Postby Springhope17 » Sat Sep 16, 2017 5:43 pm

Today is Day 15 GF!

A few people have mentioned a couple of documentaries to watch one was KA CHING and I cant recall the name of the other one? Can anyone please advise me?
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Re: 100 day challenge.. What feels like my last hope

Postby Springhope17 » Fri Sep 15, 2017 6:09 pm

Thanks for the advice Lee,

I am hoping like you, with time the feelings of uselessness and misery will begin to fade.

I will always remember them any time i feel the urge I will remember feeling completely worthless leaving the casino losing every dollar to my name!

Its Day 14 today.

One day at a time.
Springhope17
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Re: 100 day challenge.. What feels like my last hope

Postby FamilyFirst » Thu Sep 14, 2017 9:33 pm

Hi Springhope17,
Hello and congratulations for having a good go at it.
13 days GF is a great effort!!
For me, I felt ashamed and useless for about 3 weeks after my last bet.
I had and still do have strict measures regarding cash and cards, so I couldn't really gamble anyway. But those desires to gamble eased up eventually and I was able to move forward a lot easier.
What's done is done, don't dwell on your past mistakes, try and forgive yourself but never forget.
Use all your horrible gambling experiences as tools, next time an urge strikes, try to think of how bad you have felt after a crap gambling session... Punch that urge away!
Seriously try to keep limiting access to cash and try to fill your spare time :D
Keep up the good work, it does get easier, one day at a time.
Cheers, Lee
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