100 day challenge.. What feels like my last hope

For those taking the 100 Day Challenge. Share your journey, seek support and track your progress here!

Re: 100 day challenge.. What feels like my last hope

Postby Mona58 » Mon Oct 16, 2017 3:59 pm

Congratulations on 44 days. Thank you for sharing. stay strong!
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.~Confucius
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Re: 100 day challenge.. What feels like my last hope

Postby Springhope17 » Sun Oct 15, 2017 4:10 pm

Today I am 44 days GF!

I have just read through all my posts from the past 44 days. I remember first posting and thinking i just want to reach 1 week and then 10 days. And now its been more then SIX WHOLE WEEKS. At the start it was definitely 1 day at a time. But as time goes on I am starting to think about those stupid pokie machines less and less. I am still making sure I have limited to no access to cash and I am paying rent, bills as soon as my pay hits my account.

This week I am going to try and reach out to a few friends that I have lost touch with due to gambling practically taking over all of my free time! I would say in my head im going to the casino for an hour and $100 that could lead to 5, 6, 7 hours and an empty bank account nearly every pay!

Today I will not gamble and ill take one step closer to regaining control of MY LIFE.
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Re: 100 day challenge.. What feels like my last hope

Postby DFP » Sun Oct 08, 2017 9:14 pm

Congratulations springhope17. 37 days is fantastic. And your words make so much sense - regaining your senses etc. I believe that this is 100% evidence that pokie addiction is a disease - it takes over all of our control, all of our rationality and our values. It takes over all of our true selves. Keep on keeping on top of it and enjoy gaining back control of your life, your true self and your true values. I feel much the same as you and am delighted to be on day 47. Staying strong. Always on alert. Striving for control. Congratulations once again.
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Re: 100 day challenge.. What feels like my last hope

Postby Springhope17 » Sun Oct 08, 2017 1:21 pm

Today is day 37 GF!

Cant believe I have made it this far! I feel like over the past 3 years the longest i went without gambling would of been 2 weeks and the only reason would of been losing my entire paycheck on payday and then having to wait 2 weeks to gamble again.

I feel like I am starting to regain my senses! When I was playing the pokies it was like all my emotions and senses were out of whack. My body was full of so much anxiety all the time. The push of every button hoping and praying I would get a jackpot, a feature or even a big win. Saying over and over in my head just one big win and I swear I will never gamble again. No matter how many promises I made to myself i always broke them!

I know that I can never gamble again. Just one push of the button of those evil pokie machines and I'll be hooked again. On the rollercoaster unable to get off.
Its so frustrating suffering from gambling addiction, the brain says hello, wake up, you are destroying your life! Then the other voice says you have already done so much damage one big win will help out so much pay back some of the debts. Its like I know all the damage that gambling is doing but i was unable to stop.

Hope everyone is having a GF weekend. Lets all try and beat this addiction and regain control of our lives!
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Re: 100 day challenge.. What feels like my last hope

Postby DFP » Tue Oct 03, 2017 11:39 pm

Congratulations on staying GF. And also thank you for sharing your thought processes about being overwhelmed when thinking of the past, and trying to let that go, focus on the future etc. Great insights.
I think one of the really hard things about the gambling disease is that you can be GF for a hundred days, but then have a small 'bust' period which can financially undo all the progress made during the slog of abstinence. Essentially it is flagging that we can never be cured of gambling, our abstinence must continue indefinitely one day at a time. It is hard to come to terms with this. But I'm focused and positive. And ready to continue indefinitely to control this disease.
One again, well done on your journey so far. Keep going - I'll hopefully be with you all the way. Day 42 for me today.
Always a 'work in progress'
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Re: 100 day challenge.. What feels like my last hope

Postby Springhope17 » Tue Oct 03, 2017 9:46 pm

Today is day 32 GF!

Its been hard but I am slowly adjusting to gambling being out of my life. No late night trips to the casino when i get paid and then back again the next day chasing my losses!

I'm trying not to dwell on the giant mess that gambling has created in my life because this quickly becomes overwhelming and leads to lots of frustration and negativity. I am just trying to focus on one day at a time and I keep looking forward. I cant change the past and I can only deal with the massive amount of debts by looking forward and accepting responsibilities for my actions.

I am slowly reaching out to friends that I have really let down over the past few years. More let down in the sense by always making excuses why I couldn't attend something due to either never having enough money to catch up or feeling so sorry for myself I couldn't leave the house.

One day at a time but still gambling free.
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Re: 100 day challenge.. What feels like my last hope

Postby DFP » Thu Sep 28, 2017 11:14 pm

I hear you!!!! It's so hard. And it will always be there. You are dong brilliantly. I have urges too - but fortunately I've resisted and I have not had cash or ATM card on me, which keeps me honest. Well done and stay strong. Day 37 for me.
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Re: 100 day challenge.. What feels like my last hope

Postby Springhope17 » Thu Sep 28, 2017 5:27 pm

Today is day 27 GF.

Fighting this addiction has been hard!
I've had a couple of urges to gamble but I have stopped thought about it and reminded myself that gambling has destroyed my life. Urges tend to happen for me after a couple of weeks, as the feelings of loss and worthlessness fade from my last big casino visit the voice in my head starts saying just go and try a couple of 100. But then another voice says NO STOP DONT BE STUPID! its never a couple of 100 you will walk out with $0. So this time round i made sure the voice screaming NO was stronger!

So I guess this is a small victory for me fighting the urges the past few days.
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Re: 100 day challenge.. What feels like my last hope

Postby Springhope17 » Sat Sep 23, 2017 10:06 pm

Thanks for replying DFP,

The post was positive, uplifting and reinforcing.

I like what you said about viewing the regret voice as part of the disease. Its just trying to break me down to get me back into the casino to feed the machines in the hope of winning the big (it would have to be massive) jackpot to call it even and move on with my life.

You are right it was the stupid pokies that got me into this mess! I have vowed to never put another dollar into them. I hope so much that is the truth! So far so good and these days I am keeping my promises and it feels good!

I like the devil reference it reinforces the battle which we are all currently fighting in an effort to regain control of our lives.

I reached out for some email counselling last night and I really think it will help me over the coming weeks!

I hope everyone is having a GF weekend!
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Re: 100 day challenge.. What feels like my last hope

Postby DFP » Sat Sep 23, 2017 7:53 am

Congratulations on 21 days. Stay strong!

I recognise the regret emotion, and feeling "how could I have been so stupid". It's really hard to accept.

For me, I now think of the regret voice as being part of the disease - it is one of its devious strategies to try to get you back on the pokies. 'Why don't you try to win it back. One win, and you can quit again after that'. The real intent of the regret voice is to get you back on the pokies big time, so you can lose another 100k.

Thinking rationally, it was the pokies that got you into this mess, so the chances of them getting you out of it with a big win are pretty slim. But the gambling demon does not work with rational part of your brain, rather it manipulates the emotional part.

So keep on with your strategies to stay GF. Don't let the demon back in with its devious manipulation. Try to stay positive about how you are choosing to spend your money now (accepting that it's repaying the debt rather than giving you savings and getting ahead - but at least you are not going backwards). I am not sure if a debt councillor can help? Going back to the pokies certainly won't.

Well done on 21 days. Keep strong to 100 and beyond.
Always a 'work in progress'
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