Here goes everything...

For those taking the 100 Day Challenge. Share your journey, seek support and track your progress here!

Re: Here goes everything...

Postby Crtny_b » Tue Nov 13, 2018 8:31 am

It’s ok to rant. I hear you, and I feel you because I feel the same things.

The venues give me anxiety these days. The last 6 months have been anxiety ridden trips to the same 4 walls. You walk in with hope and desperation but deep down know the end result.

Monday is always very busy at work so I was tied up there for most of the day. My partner and I have promised eachother not to mention it when we are in the car so we aren’t tempted to stop by a venue that may be on the way home.

It’s tough when your thinking about possible wins but they truly don’t exist and it’s all a lie so why dream?

I am thinking If I emerge myself in work and other recreational things then there is no time for garbage.

It’s been 8 days and tomorrow I get paid so it will be a real test.
If I stay strong it will be the first pay fortnight in a very long time my pay is not disturbed by compulsion.
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Re: Here goes everything...

Postby Hopeful_1 » Mon Nov 12, 2018 9:18 pm

Thanks Crtny_b

I am still weak and vulnerable so should know better than to think I can just sit there and watch.

Good on you for taking the necessary steps to avoid gambling at all costs so far

I'm back on the bandwagon again, like you suggested.

With Christmas coming up next month, I would LOVE to be able to say I am over 30 days gamble free (and having extra money to use for Christmas that I would've otherwise gambled is just a bonus)

Onwards and upwards!

Nothing changes with the pokies. They reel you in (pun intended) and then take you for all you've got.
Yesterday when I was at the pub doing my a** in, there was a man there with over $1700 on his credits.. still pushing away at the buttons. I suspect he was after the Major bonus which was maxed out. When we left, he was down to $1100 smashing the buttons. I'd say he kept going until it was all gone, but I didn't stay long enough to watch. Inside I felt bad for him because I know the feeling of desperation one gets when trying to win a jackpot. Maybe he was down several thousands and was trying to get his money back, I don't know. But I do know that's not what I want with my life. Bashing keys on a machine that is designed to take all your money and trick you into thinking you will win.

Pokie rooms are smelly, smokey hell holes that lure you in with their bright flashing lights and "free" drinks and snacks.
The venues make these places as comfortable as possible so you never want to leave.
The chairs are the softest and cushiest leather ones you can get so you can relax and feel at ease.

Anyway sorry for my rant. I'm just annoyed that I'm still a sucker for these things even after all these years and money lost.

I want to break free and I will - 1 day at a time?

How was your day?
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Re: Here goes everything...

Postby Crtny_b » Mon Nov 12, 2018 3:11 pm

Hopeful_1 I’m sorry to hear about. Just get back o the band wagon. I can’t put myself anywhere near because I am weak. If my partner suggested to go I would try and just watch but I know how it would end.

I’ve even had to distance myself from certain friends because I know they will suggest to go for a slap and I just can’t be there, I am too vulnerable.

If I can do this, you can too. Remove yourself from any situation that may lead to gambling.

Stay strong.
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Re: Here goes everything...

Postby pamela » Sun Nov 11, 2018 10:35 pm

Well done..already you are reaping the reward for not gambling..just remember the machines are designed to make us think we are winning or going to win but we dont..they are soul destroying..keep going in this direction
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Re: Here goes everything...

Postby Hopeful_1 » Sun Nov 11, 2018 8:32 pm

That's such great news to hear!

It honestly warms my heart that you've been as strong as you have been so far and have been able to get the car sorted.

If I'm going to be honest, I may as well confess that I stumbled today :(

The whole way there my heart was racing. I kept telling myself I wasn't going to gamble and that I would just sit next to my husband whilst he did.

That was a mistake and you know how it ends.

Trying not to beat myself up about it too much.

Day 1 for me again tomorrow.

Well done on staying true to your pledge so far. You should be proud.
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Re: Here goes everything...

Postby Crtny_b » Sun Nov 11, 2018 1:20 pm

Wow it’s insane reading another persons perspective and experience when it is identical to your own. We will support eachother here.

It’s sunday and we haven’t stepped foot near a pub. I’m thanking the lord. Yesterday I was able to take my car to the mechanic and it cost $600. New tyres new breaks and a major service. I was lucky because my car was playing up and my partner and I kept avoiding taking it to the shop because one, we never had money by Saturday and two if we did we subconsciously didn’t want to spend it so we had it there to gamble.

I have had many thoughts over the last 5-6 days about why we gamble and how much training of the mind is required to beat this. I don’t want to be a tortured and tormented soul later in life filled with resentment and misery. I want to be strong and feel accomplished and unfortunately someone who had a gambling problem at one point in their life.

Remember to keep in mind how unsatisfying any wins even are these days. Gambling is tarnished because of the lack of control we have and therefore is not worth a single dollar that we possess.

Keep in touch. Stay focused. We can do this!
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Re: Here goes everything...

Postby Hopeful_1 » Sat Nov 10, 2018 11:35 pm

Well done on going shopping instead of wasting it on the machines and also for being 5 days gamble free.

They say it gets easier with time

I'm on day 3 but feels like day 300 coz it's the weekend and I have been so tempted to just go and "unwind" for a bit.. knowing damn well it will end bad and I will be angry and sad and miserable again

I am with you on the blame game and how it affects the relationship. When you win, it's all smiles and hi 5's.. but when you lose.. the drive home is usually quiet if not filled with anger and slight panic about what to do until the next pay hits the account.

Would be nice to be free from all that and maybe work on building the relationship back up again

How are you going over the weekend?

You don't need luck - you got this ;) just ride out the urges and I'll do the same. Hope we can check in on Monday with good news *fingers crossed
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Re: Here goes everything...

Postby Crtny_b » Fri Nov 09, 2018 12:26 pm

I know that feeling. Everytime is a blame game with me and my partner. I started to feel like he only likes me when I win when we’re gambling together. It is a terrible thing to do with your partner because it creates so much resentment and blame and an overall stale relationship.


He got paid last night and we went to the gym and the shops an I bought some new work shoes which is small but honestly I haven’t done that because we are always so short on money. I am so thankful. I am so happy. I feel so good today.

5 days gamble free and I feel good. The weekend will be testing. Wish us luck
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Re: Here goes everything...

Postby Hopeful_1 » Thu Nov 08, 2018 9:16 pm

It always helps to have the partner on board.

Mine is somewhat in denial and blames me for being the "ringleader" which is tough at times but he is supportive of me getting help which is good I guess

Today was my first gamble free day for a while and it felt good not to have that ugly feeling in my gut after losing all the money

I am looking forward to many more days like this.. trying to picture my life in the future when I'm no longer gambling and can have some money sitting in the bank for emergencies and small luxuries.

It seems so far away, but I got to start somewhere, right?
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Re: Here goes everything...

Postby Crtny_b » Thu Nov 08, 2018 1:04 pm

Hello

I was just thinking the same thing whilst reading your comments. It’s great to have a place to vent and people to talk to experiencing the same problems. We can help eachother. I want to be firm on myself and really make this a very serious attempt. My partner seems to be on board so I really am placing everything on the line here.
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