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  • How to deal with the lies?

    Is someone you care about experiencing issues with gambling? Come in here to discuss your concerns, connect, and get some helpful tips.
    Dump95
    Junior Member
    Posts: 2
    Joined: Sat May 14, 2016 6:50 pm

    How to deal with the lies?

    Sat May 14, 2016 6:59 pm

    Hi :)
    My partner (soon to be husband) and I have been together for 5 years, he has always gambled, at first I didn't think much of it as I had never dealt with anything like it before, but then it came to a point where bills weren't being paid etc, we had a really big talk etc and he did stop gambling for around 6 months. His dad was a greyhound trainer so has always been involved with the 'gambling world'.
    But the reason I'm here now is: I don't mind him having a bet, the bills are paid now, we support all of our children, we are renovating a house etc but we are doing ok(ish) financially, it doesn't really get to me, but my problem is he lies to me about it ALL the time, or he will twist the story to only tell me a bit of it. Like he will say he put a bet on, where he actually put 2 on. Some win some lose you know how it is, but regardless I have never been angry at him, never belittled him for any of it yet he still lies, I find out from Facebook msgs etc, then he tries to turn it to me that I shouldn't look at his facebook.
    How do I help myself through this? It kills me everytime I find out he has lied or simply not told me at all. I have no trust in him anymore because of this, because it's always on my mind 'what's he lied about?, is he telling me the truth?'. Not just about betting but about everything now.

    Thankyou in advance for your time!
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    pamela
    Senior Member
    Posts: 1716
    Joined: Sun Jun 29, 2014 9:38 pm

    Re: How to deal with the lies?

    Sun May 15, 2016 9:34 am

    Hi.it is a difficult situation for you..being a gambler I appreciate comments concerning the partners of gamblers because it makes me more determined to stop.Unfortunately every gambling story told here is much the same.Something inside us makes us lie to the ones closest to us andI think it is just a defence mechanism and although we dont mean to hurt anyone our lies have a big impact.maybe some counselling would be good for you to help you deal with it..I wish you well
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    Jo-Anne
    Senior Member
    Posts: 457
    Joined: Fri Feb 12, 2016 11:40 pm

    Re: How to deal with the lies?

    Sun May 15, 2016 1:28 pm

    Hi I agree with Pamela. At the time we do not mean to lie and hurt our loved ones. Most of the time this addiction backs us up against a wall and we don't know the way out, as we are so desperate. Most of the time we are just trying to make it right, not understanding that this is not the way to do it. It is only later when we have been able to think, that we realize how much we have hurt ourselves and others (again) I'm sorry that you are in such a difficult place right now. Have you been able to talk to someone about this....perhaps a counselor through GH. I wish you both well.
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    Andy
    Junior Member
    Posts: 17
    Joined: Tue Mar 31, 2015 1:13 am

    Re: How to deal with the lies?

    Mon May 16, 2016 12:24 am

    Being a problem gambler on the mend, i can relate to the subtle lies/deceit/excuses/reasoning that i have even told, those closest to me.

    i limit myself to $50 a week.. however that was with 3 different agencies totally 150 per week. "lie"

    only announcing the times you actually win, discounting the times you lost.. who wants to talk about those times? "deceit"

    betting more in the week because you have had a few wins therefore its OK "reasoning"

    I have even felt resentment that i had limits because i wanted to bet more and would have won more, pretty much blaming it on my partner. "excuses"

    pretty bad hey. Those that know me would be so shocked.
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    pamela
    Senior Member
    Posts: 1716
    Joined: Sun Jun 29, 2014 9:38 pm

    Re: How to deal with the lies?

    Mon May 16, 2016 8:13 am

    Andy that is so true of all of us but at the time we can justify all our lies..so sad
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    ang
    Senior Member
    Posts: 206
    Joined: Thu Feb 11, 2016 8:28 pm

    Re: How to deal with the lies?

    Mon May 16, 2016 10:29 am

    andy, i think we all have ''lied'' to allow ourselves to keep gambling,, once the gambling stops so do the lies and it is a much better life,, i too surprised myself how easily i could make up lies to cover up my gambling...no more for me....
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    User avatar
    AnnaB (facilitator)
    Senior Member
    Posts: 363
    Joined: Wed Oct 24, 2012 2:15 pm

    Re: How to deal with the lies?

    Mon May 16, 2016 3:34 pm

    Hi Dump95 and everyone,
    I've been away and it's so great to hear how active the community here is and see the wonderful support being offered. I agree with Pamela it is great to hear from partners and families as it reminds us all of how great the impacts can be of this issue for everyone involved. Talking with GH is a great suggestion as they are there for family/partners/friends as much as for the person with the issue and can use their experiences with others who have been in similar places. Trust is such a fundamental part of a relationship - am wondering how others have gone in rebuilding it or what has helped. Thanks for sharing what can be such a difficult and painful experience all round.
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    Dump95
    Junior Member
    Posts: 2
    Joined: Sat May 14, 2016 6:50 pm

    Re: How to deal with the lies?

    Thu May 19, 2016 9:34 pm

    Hi guys, thankyou so much for your replies. What you have said has made me understand why it's happening, so thankyou! It doesn't make it easier that's for sure, it defiantly still hurts but I understand. This is the first ever time I have sought any help for myself so I think I will take the advice of talking with someone about it. He wants to stop doing it but doesn't even realise he's doing it at the time, so I may be able to encourage him to talk to someone aswell.
    Thankyou again and I wish you all the very best in the future :)
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