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RE: just found out my husband has a gambling problem

Posted: Wed Apr 17, 2013 1:40 am
by Angelina.
Hi Aaren,

I noticed that you have kindly welcomed members, but I don't think that anyone from our team has welcomed you yet. So, I am pleased to say: 'welcome to the forum Aaren'.

Angelina

RE: just found out my husband has a gambling problem

Posted: Wed May 01, 2013 10:37 pm
by Loui
I called Gamblers help about a year ago and could not get a reply. At least with this online there is actual help. I found the other very disappointing and gave up trying for another year. NOW I AM FULL OF HOPE.

RE: just found out my husband has a gambling problem

Posted: Wed May 01, 2013 10:49 pm
by ansert
Me too Loui xxx

RE: just found out my husband has a gambling problem

Posted: Fri May 03, 2013 3:37 pm
by Leeroy
Hi Bellbub,

I wanted to make contact with you as I am the partner of a long term gambler who is currently accessing help through this service. Firstly, to you and to everyone coming here - CONGRATULATIONS!!! YOU ARE ALL BRAVE AND ARE TAKING STEPS TO GET THIS UNDER CONTROL - that is the first step on what may be a long path but you are reaching out and that is to be commended.

I was told about my partner's addiction when our son was around 8 months old which was tough but the hardest part was when the gambling continued and escalated while we were going through the process of diagnosis for our son's Autism. This is not same as being in the later stages of pregnancy but I can empathise with the added stress of wondering how you will afford to care adequately for a child with high support needs, as with a newborn. It is really important to make sure you have someone to support you while you try to support your partner. I called Gambler's Helpline often to vent so that I could try to control my reactions when slip ups occurred - and they most likely will. Many people suggest that you take control of finances but this can be a dangerous and stressful thing to do, especially when you are already dealing with pregnancy and the impending arrival of a child that will need most of your attention. I took another route and my partner and I discussed how I could support him to make better choices without taking full control. For example, I was going to buy my partner a cheap phone with no internet access to avoid some of the easy access issues. After discussing this with my partner I didn't buy it for him but he did for himself. This allows your partner to still have control over their own healing and affords them the right to be proud of even little steps and decisions they make while avoiding becoming a target for blame if things go off the rails. Support groups for family are great however I know it can be difficult to get to these things when you are preparing for the birth of a baby but keep it in mind and keep using this service to get support in the interim. GA groups for your partner are so great but it can be hard for guys to get up the confidence to go and admit such tough stuff with strangers so maybe telephone counselling is a good place to start to try to get to the bottom of why he gambles first. See if he would be at all interested in checking out this site as it is great for the anonymity.

It is important to remember that it is totally normal to be confused, frustrated, hurt and the whole myriad of feelings that come with it but try to feel empowered and respected by the fact that your partner loves you so much that he wanted you to know. He is reaching out and ultimately that means he trusts you with something really frightening. That rocks!!

Thanks for sharing your story and I hope this helps. Find me on here if you need to talk at all.

GOOD LUCK to both of you.

RE: just found out my husband has a gambling problem

Posted: Sat May 04, 2013 1:37 am
by Angelina.
Dear Leeroy,

I just wanted to say that I really enjoyed reading your post- it was very positive (and sincere), yet realistic and practical.

So...WELCOME TO THE FORUM

Wonderful to have 'partner's support' here on the forum and to hear a successful story. It is great to be reminded about how gambling effects loves ones.

Kind regards,

Angelina

RE: just found out my husband has a gambling problem

Posted: Mon May 06, 2013 7:59 am
by Leeroy
Thanks Angelina,

This site has given our family a new approach with a deeper level of support that can be accessed anytime of day or night so we say THANK YOU!!

Cheers,

Leeroy

RE: just found out my husband has a gambling problem

Posted: Mon May 06, 2013 11:02 am
by BriM
Hi Leeroy,

I echo Angelina - what encouraging and beautiful advice.

If you don't mind, I think this post is so nice I'm going to cut and paste it into a new thread (I'll leave it here too). The thread you've replied to is a few months old, so I just want to make sure everyone can find your words to read

All the best,

Bri

RE: just found out my husband has a gambling problem

Posted: Mon Aug 12, 2013 6:13 pm
by Glan
Dear if you feel, so why not ask to him directly??? If you asked him your stress will over and if you found that he is really gambling out of home then you found the treatment for it. May he is not gambling out there.

RE: just found out my husband has a gambling problem

Posted: Thu Aug 29, 2013 11:52 pm
by Angelina.
Dear Glan, Leeroy:

Glan thanks for sharing your thoughts.

Leeroy- I can see your reply there from a while ago -sorry I didn't see it previously :ermm: ...we are just such a busy team...

Just checking in to see how you are travelling guys?

Warm regards,

Angelina

RE: just found out my husband has a gambling problem

Posted: Fri Jan 10, 2014 9:11 pm
by emily1
One way to stop your husband gambling problem is to analyze what is needed for gambling to occur, work on removing these elements from your life and replace them with healthier choices. The four elements needed for problem gambling to continue are:

A decision: Before gambling occurs, the decision to gamble has been made. If you have an urge to gamble: stop what you are doing and call someone, think about the consequences to your actions, tell yourself to stop thinking about gambling, and find something else to do immediately.

Money: Gambling cannot occur without money. He may be playing with credit cards. So Get rid of your credit cards, let someone else be in charge of your money, have the bank make automatic payments for you, and keep a limited amount of cash on you at all times.

Time: Gambling cannot occur if you don't have the time. Schedule enjoyable recreational time for yourself that has nothing to do with gambling, find time for relaxation, and plan outings with your family.

A game: Without a game or activity to bet on there is no opportunity to gamble. Don't put yourself in tempting environments or locations. Tell the gambling establishments you frequent that you have a gambling problem and ask them to restrict you from betting at their casinos and establishments. Block online gambling sites on your computer.

Learn more about Gambling Addiction & Problem Gambling : http://www.helpguide.org/mental/gambling_addiction.php