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HIs gone tonight

Posted: Sat Jun 06, 2015 8:01 pm
by Kaity
My partner went to work this morning. we were suppose to go to the gym together at 12pm because we are both athletes. But he didn't come home and still isn't home and its 8pm now. he wont answer his phone or any of my text. I try not to textr or call often because it does stress him out but I know his out gambling. I don't know what to do to help him anymore. its been like this for over a year now. He has gambled twice this week that I know of and he disappeared for a whole night last week and I didn't see him for almost 2 days. We have talked about getting help together but he just said no... he doesn't want to... what can I do?? his just slipping away and I just want to stop it

Re: HIs gone tonight

Posted: Thu Jun 11, 2015 12:55 am
by Shirley
From a gambler to a non gambler, I have been guilty many times of ignoring the phone, messages etc.
It happens like this, at first you think, or well, I won't be much longer, then more time goes by, and then it becomes harder and harder to come home because you know your 'partner' knows the truth, and you are kind of angry at them and at yourself.
Sometimes I would simply lie, other times, I would get defensive, and defend my actions, and more or less say, well, it's my life, I can do as I wish.
Basically I chose gambling over everyone I loved.

I don't think you can make him stop gambling, he will not stop until he wants to himself.

Maybe he does not think he has a problem.

I feel sorry for partners of gamblers, because it must be horrible to see someone wasting all their time and money like this, as I know only too well where it has brought me. Good luck with your efforts to stop him, perhaps you could get some relationship advice from professionals how to deal with this.
Gamblers are addicts, and like all addicts, we don't really want to have to give up our addiction. This is probably not what you really want to hear, and I hope you can get through to him. Unfortunately my ex husband could not.

Re: HIs gone tonight

Posted: Thu Jun 11, 2015 3:45 pm
by Charlotte (facilitator)
Hi Kaity,

Welcome to the forum - it can be daunting reaching out for help, so I hope that you find this a warm and supportive environment. If you take some time to read through different threads, I'm sure you will find other people who have felt the same as you do know. It can feel very isolating, so this can be a good place to connect with people.

I'm inclined to echo some of what Shirley has already said- your partner may not think he has a problem and may not want to stop gambling. He may not even want to talk about it. Which of course leaves you in a difficult place.... I'm wondering how you're looking after yourself in the relationship? Do you have other people you can talk to? You can always call Gambler's HelpLine if you want to speak to someone about what's going on for you - 1800 858 858.

All the best for now,