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  • Need hope

    Is someone you care about experiencing issues with gambling? Come in here to discuss your concerns, connect, and get some helpful tips.
    Alice
    Junior Member
    Posts: 16
    Joined: Mon May 04, 2015 9:31 pm

    Need hope

    Mon May 04, 2015 9:49 pm

    I have been with my partner for 5 years and gambiling is something he has always done. Last year we bought a house (with my money) we started to feel pressure and things grew from there, last week I found out he was 90k in debt from gambling I was shocked (but it didn't surprise me). He has been so proactive in the last week giving me all control over finances and has already made contact with a gambling conseller. He says he is so ashamed and the thought of gambling makes him feel sick. Sometimes I think I'm crazy for sticking around but I love him and said I will support him as long as he wants to change and he has been amazing in showing that. I am wondering if someone can contact me and tell me that I am not crazy for sticking around and that couples make it through this? And are happy?
    0 x
    Michelle3
    Senior Member
    Posts: 109
    Joined: Mon Feb 03, 2014 9:02 pm

    Re: Need hope

    Tue May 05, 2015 10:30 am

    In my opinion your not crazy at all... But I will say I am/ was a gambler. I just read a post that said we gamblers are 98% good people.... But the addiction takes over 2 %.....
    I am in a relationship and have been for 23 years.... I have gambled for 19 of those years lied, stole and deceived my partner....it may sound crazy.... But I love her with all my heart.... We broke up over gambling for almost 18 months.... This , along with some other events made me realise how important she is to me. The worst thing is I have hurt her badly due to gambling,our relationship has suffered for that.....I always thought that gambling was only hurting me but have now understand it hurts more than just me.
    I think it's great you partner is getting help.... I am sure if he was like me you wish you can just snap you fingers and never have an addiction.
    I admire you for sticking by him, I and this maybe because I am the gambler, can not understand why if there is love in the relationship, it has to end. With the right financial controls and of course as long as the gambler is actively trying to change, things can get better.
    At least I guess that's what I hope for in my relationship, we are getting there but still a far bit away from what it was before she discovered my gambling.
    I wish you and your partner every success and happiness.... There is good outcomes ...
    0 x
    Verity [facilitator]
    Junior Member
    Posts: 16
    Joined: Thu Mar 05, 2015 4:50 pm

    Re: Need hope

    Tue May 05, 2015 3:01 pm

    Hi Alice, and welcome to the forum :) I'm Verity, one of the facilitators here. I hope you find the forums to be supportive and welcoming!

    It sounds like you're really conflicted about things at the moment and I'm wondering if you have had people tell you that you should leave your partner because of his gambling? When (usually well-meaning) friends and family weigh in on such a personal issue, it can leave you questioning your own judgement. You are the only one who can decide on what your limitations are within your relationships- and it sounds as though you're committed to supporting him while he is seeking help. I'm sure your support will be a very valuable part of his recovery process :)

    It sounds like you're looking for a sign of hope for a happy future together, which is a natural reaction to this. And it sounds like, from Michelle's experience, that although there can be a lot of trust issues to work through, that a deep love can remain.

    I look forward to hearing what other forum members can contribute too!

    Warm regards,

    Verity
    0 x
    Alice
    Junior Member
    Posts: 16
    Joined: Mon May 04, 2015 9:31 pm

    Re: Need hope

    Tue May 05, 2015 11:37 pm

    Wow. Great responses thank-you! It's good to hear from people in the same situation. Family have been supportive but at times not sure what to say as they don't understand. I am hoping that we caught this early (we are both 22). Very determined not to have a life build around this. Thank-you! Already feel like a little weight has lifted
    0 x

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