Page 1 of 1

Some Advice please

Posted: Fri Feb 13, 2015 6:57 pm
by Michelle3
Hi All
I am (was) a gambler. In brief, I stole from my employer for which I am awaiting sentencing and from my partner, for which I am back living at her place after moving out for over a year. I have been living here for 4 months now and we have been together 23 years.
I thought that if I gave up gambling, got a job and told the truth about everything that my re United relationship would flourish given that all the lies and deceit were behind us. This is far from being the case.
I find her distant and at times feels like she avoids me. She is very much into golf and that is her priority now as well as work, this also was happening on a lesser scale before she found out what I had done.
I feel so empty, I don't want to gamble but I do what a relationship in that I come first and not someone who is just here when she hasn't got anything else on.
We were the best of friends for 18 years until my gambling really spiralled well out of control. I do understand she will have huge trust issues with me and that is why I go to work and come straight home.
I don't know if I am being selfish or pushy and really don't know if things will change over time. Things have progressed very slowly over the 2.5 years with us but I feel frustrated and alone.
I was wondering if anyone on here has broken up with a gambler and then reunited and how they overcame trust issues etc.
Thanks.

Re: Some Advice please

Posted: Mon Feb 16, 2015 12:58 pm
by Charlotte (facilitator)
Hi Michelle3,

Welcome to the forum and good on you for reaching out for support. The forum is a great space for connecting with other people who have had difficulties with gambling, both past and present. I hope that you find it a welcoming and safe environment for you to express your thoughts and feelings in an open and honest way.

It sounds like your relationship took a real knock from gambling, and that you are both still trying to recover from that. It is indeed very tied up with trust issues, and it can take a long time for a relationship to get back on track in the aftermath of gambling. I'm hearing that you've been working really hard to regain your partner's trust, which is great, so keep it up! I'm wondering if you've spoken with her about how you're feeling? Or whether you've both sought any support throughout this difficult period? Sometimes talking things through with an impartial professional can be helpful. There are a number of gambling support services, including Gambler's helpline, which offers counselling and referrals 24/7.

Keep in touch :)

All the best,
Charlotte

Re: Some Advice please

Posted: Tue Feb 17, 2015 9:12 pm
by Jasmine
As a partner of a gambler I can only give you some insight as to how I feel sometimes & why I distance myself- she's afraid you will hurt her again & if she tries not to care/have other things in her life she lessens the pain if you slip again (in theory anyway pain is always greater each time regardless) it will take time LOTS of time so just keep doing what your doing, let her have her time if that's what she needs & don't take her actions personally if she didn't love you you wouldn't be back together so focus on that

Re: Some Advice please

Posted: Wed Feb 18, 2015 1:22 pm
by Michelle3
Thanks so much Jasmine.... Your insight is exactly what I needed.... She has come a bit further and gave me the most adorable card.... I love her more and more everyday.... Even after 23 years.... I think ( know) I am so scared as well that she will walk away.... I will never hurt her as much as I have done .... She deserves a wonderful loving life and that is exactly what I will try my best to give her

Re: Some Advice please

Posted: Thu Feb 04, 2021 7:04 pm
by AngusKane
Jasmine wrote:
Tue Feb 17, 2015 9:12 pm
As a partner of a gambler I can only give you some insight as to how I feel sometimes & why I distance myself- she's afraid you will hurt her again & if she tries not to care/have other things in her life she lessens the pain if you slip again (in theory anyway pain is always greater each time regardless) it will take time LOTS of time so just keep doing what your doing, let her have her time if that's what she needs & don't take her actions personally if she didn't love you you wouldn't be back together so focus on that
Same here, just opposite way...