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  • My partner is a gambler.

    Is someone you care about experiencing issues with gambling? Come in here to discuss your concerns, connect, and get some helpful tips.
    Mikaela21
    Junior Member
    Posts: 3
    Joined: Sun Dec 14, 2014 6:10 pm

    My partner is a gambler.

    Sun Dec 14, 2014 6:16 pm

    Hello everyone,
    Im new here, and don't usually do this sort of thing, but Im pretty desperate.

    I have been with my partner for 2.5years, and we really wanted to get married. He told be about 6mnths into our r/ship that he had an issue with gambling and we tried a few things then (controlling finances, counselling etc). The issue seems to be that when he thinks he has control of it, he slips back into it.

    We separated for a couple of months at the beginning of the year and tried to give it another go. I thought that he had been doing really well since about March/April and had believed that he hadn't been gambling since then. He had been linking in with a few people about the gambling but hadn't really been honest with me about it. Yesterday his aunty messaged me & told me that he had been dishonest and had been gambling again.

    I confronted him and he has been 3 times since that March/April (which I know isn't very often, its more the principal that he had been lying to me). He had also spent all of the money he had saved for an engagement ring on the pokies.

    Im now at a crossroads and not sure whether to stay and try again - how do you trust someone who lied to your face? I'm not sure.

    I would love to hear from other people - even gamblers to understand a bit better.

    Thanks.
    0 x
    SusanM
    Member
    Posts: 35
    Joined: Mon Jul 07, 2014 3:12 pm

    Re: My partner is a gambler.

    Mon Dec 15, 2014 1:30 pm

    Hi Michaela21,

    Welcome to our forum and I'm glad you posted about your dilemma with your partner's gambling. It's a very difficult situation and I'm sure you will get some good support and a range of views on this forum.

    Trusting our partner is essential to a healthy relationship and many people talk about the lies being the hardest part of problem gambling.

    I wonder if the counselling you mention was specific gamblers help counselling rather than couple counselling? What is your partner's committment to continue counselling (maybe alone initially) to review tools and strategies to avoid gambling. Either of you can call Gamblers Helpline 24/7 to talk to a counsellor about a specific situation or book into a local service.

    In addition to this forum, you may wish to call GHL to discuss your dilemma about your relationship.

    best wishes,
    Susan
    0 x
    Mikaela21
    Junior Member
    Posts: 3
    Joined: Sun Dec 14, 2014 6:10 pm

    Re: My partner is a gambler.

    Mon Dec 15, 2014 6:38 pm

    Hi Susan,

    Thanks for your reply. He had been going to some gambling specific counselling but hadn't lasted for very long. He later went to some GA meetings, and again didn't last very long. I guess its that old thing of you can't make someone change, and they're only really going to commit when they really want the change for themselves.

    He is open to counselling this time around as well - more so a psychologist I think.
    0 x
    doug
    Senior Member
    Posts: 380
    Joined: Fri Jan 11, 2013 7:51 pm

    Re: My partner is a gambler.

    Wed Dec 17, 2014 11:41 am

    HI Michaela21
    its very hard to quit, its very hard to be honest.
    It doesn't mean he doesn't love you, or want to be with you. It could be a lot of things.
    This is something that can be managed, if people are really wanting to quit/manage .
    But is not something that can be done quickly , there are no shortcuts.
    There will be ups and downs and every sort of stress involved.
    Be honest with yourself first, and I am not saying you are not..
    But in the end you will have to make your decisions as to what you are willing to go though.
    Some take one day at a time, and try to find a headspace they are ok with.
    hope this helps.
    0 x
    Will
    Junior Member
    Posts: 1
    Joined: Wed Jan 14, 2015 9:47 pm

    Re: My partner is a gambler.

    Wed Jan 14, 2015 9:48 pm

    Hi Peggy, welcome and thank you for your heartfelt message. I can really understand the sense of betrayal given that your husband has made assurances in the past.

    I really appreciate your reluctance to talk to your husband about what you've discovered, but can't help but feel there are so many questions that cannot be answered unless you approach him directly. Perhaps there's an opportunity for both of you to get away from your other family members for a private chat?

    I'm sure you'll receive plenty of replies from other members here and please keep us updated as time goes on.
    0 x
    imran

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