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  • Do I stay or do I go?

    Is someone you care about experiencing issues with gambling? Come in here to discuss your concerns, connect, and get some helpful tips.
    Kellie
    Junior Member
    Posts: 1
    Joined: Thu Mar 12, 2015 12:35 pm

    Re: Do I stay or do I go?

    Thu Mar 12, 2015 12:56 pm

    Hello, I am also at this point in my life, do i stay or go, either option is not very appealing. I am looking at poverty and lose of property if i leave. I am so angry, sad, frustrated, embarrassed, sick, of the reoccurring situation and the same fights going around and around. I have a son to consider and he is getting to an age where the negative environment will become obvious to him. I also dont want his fathers gambling to influence him to go down this path. It will be a 4th generation if this happens and I could not forgive myself. But if I leave will the gambling escalate due to extra funds available and more time and maybe depression on my partners behalf. So then am i my partners guardian, I have been at this for 18 years now, I am worn out and worn down by it all. And reading the posts here today it seems to me that gamblers don't change. Has anyone got any advice to offer after coming out the other side and leaving their partners?
    0 x
    User avatar
    GameChanger (facilitator)
    Senior Member
    Posts: 156
    Joined: Wed Oct 24, 2012 1:48 pm

    Re: Do I stay or do I go?

    Thu Mar 12, 2015 8:50 pm

    Hi Kellie and welcome to the forum community. It sounds like you're really weighing up the pros and cons of this huge decision. Although I haven't been in this situation I wonder whether speaking with a counsellor might give you the opportunity to nut this difficult situation out further; having an impartial listening ear can help enormously at times like this.
    Even contacting the 24/7 gambler's helpline on 1800 858 858 might offer you the opportunity to discuss this situation further. Keep us posted.
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    Michelle3
    Senior Member
    Posts: 109
    Joined: Mon Feb 03, 2014 9:02 pm

    Re: Do I stay or do I go?

    Fri Mar 13, 2015 8:10 pm

    Hi Kellie
    I am a gambler but haven't gambled for over 12 months..... I hurt my partner very badly due to gambling and we split for over 12 months... We are now trying to work things out..... So really feel for you and hope your husband can get help and quit
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    Rosie
    Junior Member
    Posts: 4
    Joined: Tue May 12, 2015 6:30 am

    Re: Do I stay or do I go?

    Tue May 12, 2015 6:56 am

    Hi Natasha,
    I am feeling the same after my very shirt marriage of 5 months. I found out last night that my partner after being free from gambling for 5 years it has come back.
    When marrying him 5 months ago I didn't realise he wasn't paying for our mortgage, 2 car loans and our savings was just mine and was being eaten away. I would have been none the wiser hadn't he been fired from his family business for stealing and having the bank come to reposess my car. He is a good liar and I believe he even believes his lies.
    His family despite being through this once before are playing the blame game with me. I should have seen it, I should have said something. I tried to trust him and that was my only downfall.
    Aside from this I love him, but do I want to bring children into this, not now. Do I want to live like this forever, not likely. But I am a fighter when it comes to my heart and I will stay for now and support him to get help, I will take control of our money. The moment my trust is lost (the small but left I have), I may walk away. But I won't until I at least try.
    Today is day 2 of knowing about his problem and I can barely move or think. This is paralysing but I know I have support of my family if I need it.
    Should you stay? How long do you put yourself last? Starting again is hard and loneliness is terrible. If your scared of your partner then it's more than gambling and you should consider your options. My husband isn't violent and showers me with gifts to make me feel good and he is good to my family and friends. I know deep down the good man that stopped gambling is somewhere and today we take the first step in trying to find him together.
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    Verity [facilitator]
    Junior Member
    Posts: 16
    Joined: Thu Mar 05, 2015 4:50 pm

    Re: Do I stay or do I go?

    Tue May 12, 2015 4:50 pm

    Hi Rosie,

    Welcome to the forum :)

    It sounds like you've been completely stunned by the revelation that your partner is gambling again. Your trust has been broken, but I liked your comment- " I am a fighter when it comes to my heart"! There are a lot of raw emotions to deal with at the moment, and it might be a good time to remind you (and other posters on this thread) that you can access free face-to-face counselling through Gamblers Help as an affected family member. You can access this by calling Gamblers Helpline 1800 858 858 and chatting to a telephone counsellor who can get the referral process rolling for you. It can make all the difference to get some good support around you at this difficult time.

    Warm regards,

    Verity
    0 x

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