Welcome to our online peer support community - A supportive place for anyone making change in their gambling, as well as concerned friends and family.
  • Connect, be inspired, motivate others. Share your experience & strategies.
  • Safe. Anonymous. Professionally monitored. Free of judgement.

    To join the discussion, sign up today.
    Join us Tuesdays at 8pm - 10pm AEST for Chatty Tuesday.
  • My husband broke his promise never to bet again

    Is someone you care about experiencing issues with gambling? Come in here to discuss your concerns, connect, and get some helpful tips.
    Peggy
    Junior Member
    Posts: 3
    Joined: Thu Sep 18, 2014 1:42 pm

    My husband broke his promise never to bet again

    Thu Sep 18, 2014 1:47 pm

    Hi I am new on here and am looking for some advice. When I met my husband I did know that he bet on the horses,usually together with a friend. There weretimes when he seemed to have no money and so relied on mine. I didn't really worry about it as we werestudents but later of course I realised this was because he had spent it all ongambling. After we married he didcontinue his betting, but it seemed less of a problem as we seemed to haveplenty of money. It was when he was made redundant and when money was tight that it became problematic. I was walking round with holes in my shoesand sold jewellery to pay for the kids clothes and found he was still spendingmoney on gambling. Things came to ahead and he promised that he could get it under control and that he would neverbet again, other than on special races such as the Grand National etc. and thathe would tell me. Maybe that was my mistake. I told him that if ever he broke his promise I would leave him. We are originally from the UK and now retired and living inAustralia where we came to be with our daughter and currently still living withthem. We were hoping to eventually buy ahouse here and make a new life for ourselves. We are pensioners and finding it quite expensive here so don't havemoney to throw away. After suspectingfor a while, I have recently discovered that my husband is again betting on thehorses. He doesn't know that I know and I feel shocked and that he has let medown badly. It is mainly the fact that he has been lying to me, that hispromise obviously meant nothing and I feel I cannot trust him anymore. I feel as if I sho
    0 x
    User avatar
    GameChanger (facilitator)
    Senior Member
    Posts: 156
    Joined: Wed Oct 24, 2012 1:48 pm

    RE: My husband broke his promise never to bet again

    Thu Sep 18, 2014 5:40 pm

    Hi Peggy, welcome and thank you for your heartfelt message. I can really understand the sense of betrayal given that your husband has made assurances in the past.

    I really appreciate your reluctance to talk to your husband about what you've discovered, but can't help but feel there are so many questions that cannot be answered unless you approach him directly. Perhaps there's an opportunity for both of you to get away from your other family members for a private chat?

    I'm sure you'll receive plenty of replies from other members here and please keep us updated as time goes on.
    0 x
    Glen1
    Senior Member
    Posts: 120
    Joined: Sat Sep 13, 2014 7:32 pm

    RE: My husband broke his promise never to bet again

    Fri Sep 19, 2014 10:07 am

    Hello Peggy, I think you should tell him you know as it will hit home. I hope you can sit down and discuss the issue with him, or even better both of you go and see a counsellor together to discuss why he gambles and discuss how it effects you.

    Good Luck Peggy
    0 x
    SusanM
    Member
    Posts: 35
    Joined: Mon Jul 07, 2014 3:12 pm

    RE: My husband broke his promise never to bet again

    Fri Sep 26, 2014 3:44 pm

    Hi Peggy,

    Just wondering how you are travelling this week and if you have found an opportunity to discuss your concerns with your husband about his gambling? Reading through your questions, I would say that it's very hard for someone to control their gambling behaviour once they have become dependent on the thrill / buzz it can bring in the moment. It is a bit like alcohol dependence and the brain research shows us that the same reward centres are triggered as for alcohol or drugs.

    If people are to be successful with controlled gambling, they need external controls in place e.g only gamble with partner present, family member controls finances and gives them gambling money, no access to online betting etc. There is probably more chance of success with total abstinence and your husband finding other things in his life that bring enjoyment now he is retired.

    Counselling for you both together has been suggested, and confronting him is the only way to get him to see the impact his behaviour is having on you and others. If you want to talk this through further with a supportive counsellor, call the Gamblers Helpline anytime.

    Take care of yourself,

    Susan
    0 x
    Peggy
    Junior Member
    Posts: 3
    Joined: Thu Sep 18, 2014 1:42 pm

    RE: My husband broke his promise never to bet again

    Sun Sep 28, 2014 5:32 pm

    Hi Susan

    Thank you for your input. I think that he has an addiction, and as you say is addicted to the 'buzz'. He also has more time on his hands now that he is retired. I think he is gambling almost every other day now, if not every day. The problem is I think he has been winning recently as he has paid for various things for the baby in cash, but no cash seems to have been taken from our account. Maybe he sees it as helping to make money for the family. I know that he has been on betting, horse racing websites nearly every day, although as far as I can tell has not been betting online.

    By total abstinence do you think this should also include watching racing on TV? He is always glued to it.

    Peggy
    0 x
    User avatar
    Noah (facilitator)
    Senior Member
    Posts: 308
    Joined: Mon Nov 05, 2012 3:53 pm

    RE: My husband broke his promise never to bet again

    Mon Sep 29, 2014 1:55 pm

    Hi Peggy,

    I'm Noah, one of the other faciliators here

    It would be difficult to answer questions like these in a meaningful way without having a more detailed conversation with you...I wonder if you would consider chatting with a telephone counsellor about this or even someone face to face. You could access free face to face counselling aimed at partners of people with gambling problems - Counselling could answer your questions and help you to figure out what is the best way for you to manage the gambling problem in the relationship. It would not be necessary for your husband to attend the appointment with you.

    You could start the process by making an anonymous call to Gamblers Helpline on 1800 858 858 - they can provide you with emotional support, information and a refferal to your local counselling service.

    Keen to hear what you think about this option...

    Take care and let me know how you go!

    Noah


    0 x
    Peggy
    Junior Member
    Posts: 3
    Joined: Thu Sep 18, 2014 1:42 pm

    RE: My husband broke his promise never to bet again

    Tue Oct 07, 2014 7:49 pm

    I finally took the opportunity this weekend to speak to my husband. I told him I knew what he had been doing and that it had to stop. He admitted it and said he was relieved in a way that I had found out. It seems that it has been consuming his every waking minute. I offered for him to get help online, but he has decided that he is going to try and sort it out himself. I have taken control of the finances and he has no access to cash other than what I give him. It will be hard, but we are going to see how he goes for 6 months. I think he realises that he has put our future together in jeopardy. He said he already feels as if he has had a weight lifted off his shoulders.

    Thank you everyone for your support. I am going to see how it goes and hopefully I won't have to ask for more help. I will report back in a few months with an update, which may help someone else. Many thanks again for your support. It gave me the courage to confront him.
    0 x
    User avatar
    AnnaB (facilitator)
    Senior Member
    Posts: 363
    Joined: Wed Oct 24, 2012 2:15 pm

    RE: My husband broke his promise never to bet again

    Wed Oct 08, 2014 9:14 pm

    Great to hear from you Peggy. I'm glad that you have found the courage to confront your husband. It is a brave a step and it sounds like it has brought some 'relief' for both of you.

    Look forward to hearing your update,

    Take care
    0 x

    Return to “For Family and Friends”