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please help!

Posted: Fri Jul 11, 2014 10:35 pm
by georgia1
Hi,

My partner has recently admitted to a gambling problem I had a fair idea it was going on and finally got him to talk to me about it. He has lied alot about it in the past like getting cash out and making excuses about where its going. He has told me he wont do it anymore but I still cant trust him and stress out when ever he gets cash out etc. He dosent gamble lots of money at once but my concern is the lieing and because we are only young will it just get worse in the future will he start gambling more and more money? I want him to stop the gambling and lieing and I want to trust him I feel so fustrated and stressed I need some advice!!

RE: please help!

Posted: Sun Jul 13, 2014 8:35 am
by andrew6
Georgina1,

This is a sickness and a tough one at that. The fact that your partner admitted it is a big step in the right direction. The first thing you must do it cut off all access to cash. If you can't get the money you can't gamble it's that simple. You MUST monitor all cash and transactions. Gamblers are very smart people and the do thing that fake themselves and others out. This is a fight that you must do every day if you don't do it every day there will be setbacks which you need to avoid at all times. USE THIS WEB SITE !!!! read and post on this site every day so you can see the pain gabling causes and it will give you ideas for combating the illness. Look for things called "triggers" these are things that spark your partners urge to play. There are some commons ones but everyone is different. Take alcohol for instance if you drink a lot and gamble after that it could be a trigger as it dulls your decision making ability. So if you know your partners is going to drink then monitor the cash big time, so on and so fourth. I hope this gives you a start. Again take your time and read the posts on this site they will be very educational.

Kind Regards,

Andrew

RE: please help!

Posted: Sun Jul 13, 2014 5:54 pm
by AnnaB (facilitator)
Welcome to our community. My name's Anna, I'm one of the facilitators here J.

I'm glad that you have connected here Georgia1. Thanks for responding Andrew6 and for the helpful advice around putting in boundaries around access to cash.

It can feel like a lot to take in and sometimes partners find it helpful to talk this through face to face. There's free counselling and financial counselling available for family....I can give you more info on this if you're interested just let me know
Stay in touch!

Anna

RE: please help!

Posted: Wed Jul 16, 2014 12:54 pm
by Noah (facilitator)
Hi Georgina1 I'm Noah one of the facilitators here.
Just wondering how it's all going?
Keep in touch!


RE: please help!

Posted: Tue Sep 16, 2014 1:10 pm
by Catherine1
Looks like I have blown it again. I went to the doctor's yesterday to get a spot on my nose checked (looks like a small pimple). Turns out to be Basal cell carcinoma. Thankfully not an aggressive cancer but will most likely have to be surgically removed. I was pretty upset after getting out of the doctors and 6.30pm, so silly me decided to go to the pokies to allow myself to wind down/forget my current situation, or that is the excuse I made. After playing for 2 hours, I managed to lose about $800. I am really wild with myself, as I had been going quite well. I am now back to Day 1 again (this seems to be a never ending cycle). I managed to book a specialist appointment for next week (on my birthday - what a nice birthday present), so hopefully we can see what can be done about it getting removed and to stay away from the pokies. They are a waste of time and a waste of money.

RE: please help!

Posted: Tue Sep 16, 2014 2:50 pm
by Phoenix
Hi Catherine. So sorry to hear about your skin cancer, hopefully it is just a straight forward procedure to remove it. I am also very sorry about your relapse. I know how angry you must be with yourself at the moment because I have been there many times myself. You wonder how many times you have to keep sticking your hand back in that fire before you finally learn that you will get burnt. It's no good beating yourself up about it, you are just behaving compulsively like us compulsive gambling addicts have a tendency to do.
The justifying that you did to allow yourself the reward of gambling to cope with your bad news, was actually that gambling demon that resides within you (and in all of us gambling addicts) whispering in your ear. Those times when we are stressed &/or down hearted is when it loves to strike because we are at our most vulnerable. When the pressures of the world get too much, we gambling addicts are thrown into 'flight' mode and we fly straight to gambling to escape... that is until we learn better ways to deal with our 'flight' mode and begin to overcome our addiction triggers. Yes we may fall off the wagon a few times along the bumpy road to recovery but we get back up a have another go. Like you said, today is day 1 of your recovery again.

We are all here to support you Catherine and despite this latest setback, you can rise to the 100 day challenge. You just have to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and take it one day at a time mate. I would suggest that you make it a priority to come to this site every single day, especially for the first month. Quite a few people have said they logged onto here when they felt a strong urge to gamble and have been saved from the inevitable by this forum. This site is one of the best tools at your disposal so use it!

I am 22 days GF today = $3,080.00 Saved!

RE: please help!

Posted: Tue Sep 16, 2014 6:47 pm
by Noah (facilitator)
Hey Catherine,

I'm with Pheonix -sometimes the road to recovery is not a straight line. And I am wishing you lots of health and happiness in your future - hopefully this skin cancer will be a blip on the radar as will this slip up!

I called it a slip up and not a relapse because it sounds like even though you did have a hiccup - rather than going back a few hours later, you jumped on the forum and shared it with us! That is the behaviour of someone who is in the process of recovery not the behaviour of someone in the throws of a gambling problem. I'm not trying to be 'Polyanna' (I can imagine how dissapointed and angry you must feel) but I think it's an important distiction. You are making progress! There are differences in the way you are behaving around gambling despite the slip up (I imagine)? What do you think?

We're all here to support you through it

Noah