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  • disappointed & cofussed

    Is someone you care about experiencing issues with gambling? Come in here to discuss your concerns, connect, and get some helpful tips.
    emma24
    Junior Member
    Posts: 3
    Joined: Sun Jun 22, 2014 12:46 am

    disappointed & cofussed

    Sun Jun 22, 2014 1:05 am

    Hi,

    Never really posted on anything like this before but I really need some advice and help.

    I have been with my partner for about 2.5 year and we have been engaged for 7 months. He is without a doubt my best friend. A few weeks ago I discovered that he has a very significant gambling problem, he is gambling almost his entire paycheck and then some (cash transfers from his credit card etc.) He is a sailor and was away when I made the discovery and I haven't felt that I can confront him about it over email or during a very limited phone conversation. Since I made the discovery he has also withdrawn a significant sum of money from the joint account we had set up to save for our wedding with no explanation whatsoever as to why so i am obviously assuming the worst.He comes home next week and I just don't know how to begin to approach all this. I would really appreciate any advice from anyone who has made the discovery and had to approach their partner about the problem as I just don't know how to approach it with him when he does finally get home.

    Thanks in advance for your help
    0 x
    User avatar
    AnnaB (facilitator)
    Senior Member
    Posts: 363
    Joined: Wed Oct 24, 2012 2:15 pm

    RE: disappointed & cofussed

    Sun Jun 22, 2014 6:21 pm

    Hi Emma24,

    Welcome to our community. My name's Anna, I'm one of the facilitators on here J.

    I'm glad that you have posted and appreciate it's not easy to write this stuff down. It must have come as a huge shock.

    I'm sure our members will have some good advice and support to offer.



    Stay in touch
    0 x
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    POPEYE
    Senior Member
    Posts: 664
    Joined: Tue Mar 12, 2013 12:28 am

    RE: disappointed & cofussed

    Sun Jun 22, 2014 6:43 pm

    .
    0 x
    emma24
    Junior Member
    Posts: 3
    Joined: Sun Jun 22, 2014 12:46 am

    RE: disappointed & cofussed

    Sun Jun 22, 2014 9:02 pm

    Hi Anna,

    I realize I didn't really include much information in my haste to post something last night so sorry about that but I really appreciate the support.

    It was an awful discovery to make, I was going through our mail and saw on his bank statements that over the month he had withdrawn over $3000 in cash at places with poker machines - he seems to have a burst or something 1 day a week where he does it - withdrawing $1000 a day in these clubs. I actually used to work in a sports club and am all to aware of where the money is then going. Fairly terrible discovery to make only 2 weeks after he has gone knowing it is just not possible to confront him about it till he returned at the beginning of July.

    It is really helpful reading through the forums and knowing that I'm not alone
    0 x
    emma24
    Junior Member
    Posts: 3
    Joined: Sun Jun 22, 2014 12:46 am

    RE: disappointed & cofussed

    Sun Jun 22, 2014 9:15 pm

    Thank you so much for your advice Pope ye, I really appreciate it and it is very helpful.

    I understand that he needs to recognize the problem and that he needs to be ready to try to address it before there is anything I can do to help him. I feel that this may be the case though, just from a few conversations we have had I feel as though he is maybe hoping I will find out, not sure - but I am preparing myself for him to completely deny it, get aggravated etc. Not expecting it to be pleasant either way.

    I realize that it is going to/ has already had a massive impact on our relationship and I can't say what the future will hold for us as clearly as I could a month ago but before we were a couple we were friends for 7 years, best friends, and I have to at least try to help him and support him through this, what happens after the confrontation I guess depends on his willingness to try to address his addiction. I understand it never goes away and it will always be there, but I love him too much not to try.
    0 x
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    POPEYE
    Senior Member
    Posts: 664
    Joined: Tue Mar 12, 2013 12:28 am

    RE: disappointed & cofussed

    Sun Jun 22, 2014 10:40 pm

    .
    0 x
    Michelle3
    Senior Member
    Posts: 109
    Joined: Mon Feb 03, 2014 9:02 pm

    RE: disappointed & cofussed

    Mon Jun 23, 2014 2:40 pm

    Hi Emma,

    Welcome to this forum although I am sure you probable never wanted to come on this type of forum. Firstly I am a gambler ( getting better all the time but still) so my advice comes from the gambler. I agree with Popeye really great advice on being calm and controlled and supportive. This will also serve you better in the long run as if he does give up and has a relapse it will be easier for him to come to you and let you know what is happening with him.

    I was once a sailor as well......must be something in the sea air that makes us gamble...haha. Sometimes it may be that he finds it hard to be away and gambling fills the void, I don't know how long he has been gambling for but hopefully you will be able to get it under control early.

    I lost everything my partner my home job everything cause of my gambling it just got so out of control and the very worst thing was that my best friend and partner was not the easiest person to talk to, and so she found out when the AFP knocked on the door with a search warrant. Don't get me wrong she knew I gambled a bit but never how much and how often.

    At the end of the day I have to own my problem and beat my addiction with whatever tool are available to me ( this site has been great for me).

    It is a horrible addiction, but I will say I never loved my partner any less because I was a gambler, I was selfish....but I loved my ex partner. We were together 20 years it has been now 18 months since we parted we still talk but the future is unknown.



    Good luck with it Emma...I really hope all works out well for you and your fiancé.

    Just 1 thing, as hard as it may be for you...protect your finances at least until he gets himself on track and you feel you can trust him with money again. I may just help your relationship now and in the future.
    0 x

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