Why can't I leave?

[Samantha]

Hello,

My partner is a gambling addict. I have known our entire relationship (7 years). The thing is he knows he has a problem, he tries to an extent to change. He seeks counselling every single week without fail. He tries to block accounts but it never lasts. He has gone months without it. but for the most part, he gambles constantly. His pay is gone within a day or two. He lies, he borrows money all the classic textbook stuff. I know that him as a person is seperate to his addiction. There has been many bad times and selfish choices he has made but somehow im still here.

When do you know when it's time to leave. Theoretically, I know this is toxic and unhealthy to be in a relationship with him. I know it is unrealistic to think he will change if no permanent changes have happened longterm so far. He is a sensitive, loving, amazing person, but he is also the most selfish person and the addiction always comes first.

Do you just have a feeling and know when it's time to leave, or do you just fight how badly you want it and walk away even if you dont want to?

[Pikachu]

Hi @Samantha,
so sorry to hear what you've been through. 7-years is a very long time. I can't imagine how overwhelming and tiring the situation is for you. I'm afraid there is no answer to your question about how long you should wait or when you should leave. Everyone is different and every situation is different. The most important thing for you should be yourself. You should listen to your inner voice and see what you really want and work towards that.
You mentioned your partner is regularlly seeking support, how about you? Are you looking for some support for yourself?

[Pinacle2020]

I agree with Pikachu. There is no right time and everyone has to make their own choice. What I will tell you is that it has taken me 12 years to leave. And I took the option of leaving even though I didn’t want to. I gave my husband the choice of getting help or I would leave and he did not get help. I was hoping me leaving would make him see he needed help and that things might get better but it hasn’t, his gambling has become much worse. He still asks me if I want to be married and I tell him I do, but he’s left me with no choice but to leave. We can file for divorce soon. I will be, even though I don’t want to.

[MA 123]

I too am asking myself the same question thought I have only been in this relationship for 18 months . It breaks my heart everytime he galmbes he goes to his meeting every week . He is a very kind and caring partner when he is not galmbing I hate he puts me In this position where I question our relationship

[Pikachu]

Hi @MA 123,
Thank you for sharing. It is difficult to see someone you cared about struggles with something. In these difficult situations, it's even more important to take care of yourself. If you are considering getting some support, let us know and we can help point you to the direction. Take care of yourself and looking forward to hearing from you soon.