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  • HELP!! Fiance has just admitted his gambling problem

    Is someone you care about experiencing issues with gambling? Come in here to discuss your concerns, connect, and get some helpful tips.
    Penny1
    Junior Member
    Posts: 1
    Joined: Fri Dec 13, 2013 10:22 am

    HELP!! Fiance has just admitted his gambling problem

    Fri Dec 13, 2013 10:42 am

    Hello there

    I am new to all this. My fiance has recently admitted he has a gambling problem and wants to get help. Firstly I am thankful he has recognised the problem and proud of him to be able to tell me. But what the hell do I do now?? I don't think I can cope!!

    We have had a very difficult year. He tried to commit suicide earlier this year and I found him when I got back from work. He was rushed to hospital and stayed the night then was transferred to a mental health hospital for a week. They allowed him to be discharged with a intensive home treatment team but I really didn't feel ready to have him home at that point.

    He has a number of other issues. His mother committed suicide when he was just 4. His mother and father had split up and she was seeing another man, this was a domestic violence case to which my fiance heard alot of. However they then split and he had a restraining order I am led to believe but was there the night she comitted suicide. His father is an unconfessed alcoholic, whom he has little contact with - this, I think, he finds difficult as his father visits his sister regularly. His grandparents brought him and his sisters up but they have recently died within 2 years of each other expectantly. Again this is something he struggled to come to terms with and still hasn't.

    He has a CPN and sees a psychologist for CBT each week but this will soon end and now he has come forward about his gambling.

    He attended his first GA meeting earlier this week which is good but I can't cope. I feel he has soo much going on, if it was just the gambling maybe I could manage but I don't know if I can stay with him. We are due to be married in 5 months!!! I can't spend the rest of my life like this.


    I have looked for support meetings for myself but there do not seem to be any locally


    I just feel so many emotions. Anger at the amount of money he has lost when we struggle as it is, upset and betrayed due to all the lying he has done and the amounts of money lost. Frustrated that he doesn't open up when clearly something is wrong!! He tells me this is the way he was brought up and doesn't think he can change that. For me, I feel if he can't talk to me then there is no point of our relationship. He simply tells people what he thinks they want to hear.


    Earlier in the year we managed to pay off the majority of his debts and we moved in with my parents due to support and financial reasons. His family are not particularly helpful.


    I just don't know where to turn and feel so isolated. I don't know what to do for the best. My parents have been brilliant but I feel guilty putting them through all of this too. They have also said he is on his last chance now too


    Help and any advice would be hugely appreciated


    Penny
    0 x
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    Noah (facilitator)
    Senior Member
    Posts: 308
    Joined: Mon Nov 05, 2012 2:53 pm

    RE: HELP!! Fiance has just admitted his gambling problem

    Mon Dec 16, 2013 2:27 pm

    Dear Penny1,
    Welcome to the community and I hope that you will find it a warm, safe and supportive space as so many of our other members have. My name is Noah and I'm one of the facilitators here.
    It sounds like life feels totally (and understandably) overwhelming for you at the moment. It seems that your fiancée has been through multiple traumas in his life and both of you are feeling the effects of these past and present experiences in very immediate and intense ways.
    I have heard you say that you are proud and thankful but also feeling angry betrayed. It is normal to have these sorts of conflicting feelings about a partner who is gambling but this can also make it feel confusing about how to respond to your partner.
    It is clear that you and your partner are going through a practical (in terms of money and other considerations) and emotional (around your relationship) crises. Sometimes in a crisis, it feels like there is so much going on you have no idea what to pay attention to first! And even if you did, it probably all feels to difficult and exhausting anyway. It is common in this mental and emotional state to bounce back between thinking about immediate needs as well feeling anxious about the implications this has for your future... but this can also leave you feeling paralysed. – Can you relate to this at all?
    What I have heard you say quite clearly is, that:
    · (Regardless of what you decide in the future) you are not ready to enter into a marriage or plan a wedding at this very moment.<span style="color: black; font-family: Symbol; font-
    0 x

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