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  • How to care for a gambling parther left behind

    Is someone you care about experiencing issues with gambling? Come in here to discuss your concerns, connect, and get some helpful tips.
    Savonrepus
    Junior Member
    Posts: 2
    Joined: Sun Jul 29, 2018 7:14 pm

    How to care for a gambling parther left behind

    Wed Nov 24, 2021 1:49 pm

    I know there is no hope for my partner to change. Lockdowns were bliss for me and now they are a memory I will not let go. I still care for my partner but know that I must leave the relationship. I have a place to go to but the leaving process is a nightmare. The lady cycles from a world beater to desperation. It is the hardest thing in the world I have ever done so am creating this post to provide a space I can document the process to a like minded audience. Next time I get hit with dispair which is likely to be tomorrow morning my plan is to offer a joint GP visit. This post sounds hopeless but am going to post and not hit delete.
    1 x
    Lovely Cat Lady
    Moderator
    Posts: 665
    Joined: Mon May 03, 2021 9:30 am

    Re: How to care for a gambling parther left behind

    Wed Nov 24, 2021 2:58 pm

    Hi @Savonrepus,
    It's great that you've reached out for support, so well done and thank you for sharing with us a bit of what has been going on for you with your partner. Seems like it's been a lot and I'm really sorry that the process has been a "nightmare" for you. The joint GP sounds like a very good idea.
    I'm going to tag a few other members that have gone through similar experiences: @Jimap @CaffinatedCathy @Yelyah @Actionorientated @Resilient @indigo_skies
    Please keep reaching out at anytime and let us know how you're going. You don't have to go through this alone.
    0 x
    Savonrepus
    Junior Member
    Posts: 2
    Joined: Sun Jul 29, 2018 7:14 pm

    Re: How to care for a gambling parther left behind Thursday Update

    Thu Nov 25, 2021 1:19 pm

    Last night my friend pranged the car it is at a panel shop somewhere. This morning my friend was again distraught that I was leaving her. She was very in my face and.or clingy. I activated my strategy of taking to the GP. She rang GP on the way but could not get appointment to Saturday. I diverted to hospital whilst she was in mood to see GP. In hospital interviews she would not speak. It seemed she trusted me to speak for her. My message was simple I can not say with someone who begs money from friends and family and then goes out all night gambling. She is cycling between very strong and self harm. Unfortunately me continually repeating the message just reinforced within her the problem is I am leaving her. In hindsight I should have not spoken about myself. She is getting increasingly agitated as we entered hospital at 9am and she has a work appointment at 11am. I agreed if this is not finalised by 1030 we will go and I will take her to work. I know she is safe at work even if she is in a mental state. My next task is to start to move. Her reaction is very unpredictable but at least I will have a place to escape and think. One of her daughters is sane (I hate to use this term perhaps not highly strung is a better word) twin at first year university her other twin massive intelligence but highly strung. They live with their grandmother. I have been communicating with this daughter on the developments. She is supportive.

    Thanks for listening.
    0 x
    Jimap
    Member
    Posts: 70
    Joined: Thu Apr 01, 2021 2:17 pm

    Re: How to care for a gambling parther left behind

    Thu Nov 25, 2021 5:19 pm

    Hi @Savonrepus. I am sorry this Is happening in your relationship. Deciding to leave is a very hard decision as it’s normal that there is such a deep grief in ending any relationship. When I reached the decision to leave i realised that if I stayed nothing was ever going to change and I mentally could not live like this anymore.
    You must make a change in yourself and she will either seek help or continue to gamble. It is not your job to save or rescue her. She must do this herself to ever see real change in her life and beat this addiction.
    It’s likely you leaving may escalate her mental state but if she has access to services and other family and friends then this may assist her in the initial stages of your separation.
    Don’t expect she will change if you leave..i made this assumption and have been hurt badly with the decisions my ex has made since we separated over 12 mths ago.
    Get support for yourself and have a safe place to go to. You will need to make some strong boundaries with her once you leave so that you don’t get sucked into her addiction. Maybe try to find a psychologist who deals with addictions and codependency. Us partners of addicts usually are codependent or become codependent in these relationships due to how addiction works.
    And lastly be prepared to hear a lot of lies and promises of change from her…change can only be seen in actions and time. She has a disease and may say anything to keep you together. She needs help.
    Keep in contact…
    1 x

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