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  • 22 yes old discovered my partners gambling problem - advice please!

    Is someone you care about experiencing issues with gambling? Come in here to discuss your concerns, connect, and get some helpful tips.
    indigo_skies
    Junior Member
    Posts: 3
    Joined: Wed Sep 15, 2021 3:05 pm

    22 yes old discovered my partners gambling problem - advice please!

    Wed Sep 15, 2021 6:15 pm

    Hi everyone, I am 22 years old and have been with my partner for the past five years. I just found out last week that he has been hiding a gambling addiction from me for around the past two years, which came as a complete shock to me. I honestly never saw any signs of it at all, and even in hindsight I am shocked at how well he hid it. I am very confused because I have been with this person for my entire adult life, and can't even imagine life without him. I was starting to see a future with him, including kids etc but now all of that has been wiped away in an instant. We are currently travelling together so I have decided to stay with him for this phase of our life and do what I can to support him during it while keeping myself sane and healthy. So far I have been as supportive and calm as possible, while still trying to not let him off the hook for things or think he can walk all over me. Any advice for how to get through this as well as how to not take the betrayal and lies too personally would be greatly appreciated, I just want to hear from some people who understand. Empathetic responses would be appreciated as I am not ready for anything too harsh (believe me the harsh thoughts are already running through my head). Many thanks and love to you all
    1 x
    AGHS
    Member
    Posts: 64
    Joined: Tue Jul 25, 2017 10:43 am

    Re: 22 yes old discovered my partners gambling problem - advice please!

    Thu Sep 16, 2021 11:04 am

    Hi Indigo_skies, good on you for reaching out and realising you need help to understand your bf's gambling addiction and the impact it can have on your future relationship with him. He obviously hid it very well from you given you had no idea and did not see any signs....that's why gambling addiction is called the silent disease. there is ALOT of help for people affected by another persons gambling. You can call the gambling helpline on 1800 858 858 and talk to a counsellor, post on this forum of course and even share your concerns with a close trusted friend. Remember, you are not at fault here. I am sure that when you are ready you will raise it with your boyfriend. There is life after gambling and if you do see a future with him then you can both work on a gambling free future.
    3 x
    indigo_skies
    Junior Member
    Posts: 3
    Joined: Wed Sep 15, 2021 3:05 pm

    Re: 22 yes old discovered my partners gambling problem - advice please!

    Thu Sep 16, 2021 11:31 am

    Thank you I really appreciate the support ❤️ We had a year of long distance due to Covid and that's when the addiction really got hold of him (at least that's what he says). I realise now how important it is to be honest about finances with your partner because of what's happened...but still just don't know if there is a future there. Once again thank you for your response ☺️
    1 x
    Jimap
    Member
    Posts: 70
    Joined: Thu Apr 01, 2021 2:17 pm

    Re: 22 yes old discovered my partners gambling problem - advice please!

    Thu Sep 16, 2021 8:40 pm

    Hi @indigo_skies sorry to hear that this has happened to you and your partner. You have done nothing wrong. He also hasn’t gambled to hurt you. I can totally understand how you are feeling, the lies and betrayal behind your back, broken trust, irresponsibility etc…Although my relationship with my ex partner who has a gambling addiction did not last I realised I spent a lot of time blaming myself, trying to control him and where his money went and putting alot of energy into ‘fixing’ him when he really didn’t want to be fixed. My advice would be to keep your finances separate, get advice on ways not to enable his behaviour eg don’t pay his bills/don’t make excuses for him, stay connected to family and friends so you don’t feel isolated, learn more about addiction and how if affects a person and those around them, don’t rush into any major financial commitments with him, make him earn back the trust in the relationship since he has been the one to break it. Feeling angry and heart broken is going to be normal right now, don’t feel bad for having these feelings. Many relationships can survive this disease but it is up to your partner to decide whether he wants to heal from it. If he chooses to continue gambling then you may need to rethink whether this is something you can live with and accept.
    Take care❤️
    3 x
    indigo_skies
    Junior Member
    Posts: 3
    Joined: Wed Sep 15, 2021 3:05 pm

    Re: 22 yes old discovered my partners gambling problem - advice please!

    Fri Sep 17, 2021 6:02 am

    Thank you @Jimap for your profound words and understanding, it really helps me to know that there are people like you our there who know what it's like. ❤️
    3 x

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