My Sisters Addiction & The Pain it has Caused me.
I know that I needed to write somewhere what it is that I have been through over the last 12 or more years of my life. My sisters gambling and alcohol addiction has become the prime focus in everyone's life. I feel guilty and selfish for how I feel right now, but I need my life back. I am 27 years old and have been dealing with this since I was 15 or younger. Most of my life has been spent trying to help my sister out of her addictions, acting as a buffer between my sister and my patents, or having to save her. I should mention both of my parents are sick and elderly, and I live in the same house with my parents and sister.
I don't really know where to start or what to say, I guess I'll list several things that have torn into me the last decade...
- She has been arrested for stealing and I had to help bail her out.
- She has stolen money from work places and I had to give her the money to repay it.
- She has stolen money from my wallet.
- She lies about where she is going and who with.
- She was once kidnapped and bashed and we didn't find out until she was taken home the next afternoon by police men.
- She has gambled herself into so much debt, selling phones and laptops to make quick cash.
- She has stolen phones off or strangers and then people have shown up to us house wanting to bash her, meanwhile she is passed out and we happen to look the same so they thought I was her.
- She has passed out many times in the front of our house and I have to carry her inside.
This has caused a severe panic disorder within me, I know I have high functioning anxiety always feeling like there is something I need to anticipate when it comes to her and her addictions. She isn't my responsibility but at the same time she hasn't responded well to any one on one conversations, she always ends up lying, she didn't appreciate our family all coming together to do an intervention either. We have tried every approach, the soft and compassionate side and empathetic way as well. I am at the point that I don't even want to be her emotional clutch during her inbetween phases of trying to not gamble, as I know I am simply being used as a temporary distraction.
I feel that I don't have any options left. I want my life back, I want to be a normal girl in her twenties who is enjoying her life, not hanging out with her friends and worrying if her sister is okay. I often say I live in the shadows of my sisters addictions, merely acting as a buffer for my parents not bare the burden of all of her addictive ways.
I just don't know what to do anymore, I need to move out but that isn't an option right now because my Dad needs to find a new job otherwise my family cannot afford the bills without my financial help. I just feel stuck in this situation