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Re: The Cycle of Deceit

Posted: Sat Apr 17, 2021 7:09 pm
by Jimap
Hi Joan,
Glad things are going better for you and your partner. I tried taking over my partners wage for a period of time however this did not work in the long run and actually made our relationship more stressful as it put me in a position of being controlling and he became resentful. For short periods of time until he seeks help it could work but he needs to learn to take care of his own money. My ex partner and I began fighting again once the desire for him to gamble began to get too great. I also tried to help him save money in my savings account to show him how to put money aside however again this caused me to be put in a situation of him demanding and becoming aggressive when he wanted his money withdrawn. I would never do this again if we were ever back together. My ex stopped gambling for about 4 months however he has started to gamble again, not pay important bills or child support. I have realised the best thing I can do for him is love him from a distance and watch him fall over and hopefully he will get back up by himself and bet this disease. The more I tried to control him the worse he became. I still love him no matter what but the more we do to help them the more they won’t do to beat this disease.
I am currently reading ‘Women who Love too Much’ it’s an eye opener and something you may find helpful in understanding why women like us love these men with addictions.
Take care of u👍

Re: The Cycle of Deceit

Posted: Tue Apr 20, 2021 11:42 am
by Calvin (facilitator)
Hi @Joan Thanks for your reply :)

Sounds like things are looking a lot more brighter than before and you've been a great support to your partner.
Given that you have been on this long road with him and the gambling, its understandable that you feel or think the way you do. It can cause some anxiety and overthinking. Continue to check in with him and have discussions as this can remind him to stay on track. But also its important to remind yourself of your own self-care and wellbeing during this process as it can feel quite consuming as well.
Have you thought about seeing a gambling counsellor for yourself? Maybe you can suggest also to your partner to speak with a gambling counsellor?

Re: The Cycle of Deceit

Posted: Sun Apr 25, 2021 11:27 pm
by Joan
Hi @Calvin (facilitator)

My partner is speaking to a gambling counsellor every fortnight, which i am very proud of. He was a bit hesitant due to it being over the phone and would have preferred it face-to-face so im glad he decided to bite the bullet and make the phone call. As for myself, I haven't spoken to any counsellor yet but will do if things ever do become too overwhelming for me. Thank you for your advice

Re: The Cycle of Deceit

Posted: Thu May 06, 2021 9:58 am
by Calvin (facilitator)
Hi @Joan
If your partner prefers face to face gambling counselling instead, they can call our helpline for a referral and we'll gladly help to facilitate that. Also for yourself if you feel that its needed.

Re: The Cycle of Deceit

Posted: Fri May 07, 2021 9:51 pm
by Joan
Thanks for the advice @Calvin (facilitator) .

I have bad news. Today I discovered that he opened up a new bank account without my knowledge and gave the details to payroll to direct his week's wages to his secret account. He fed me with lies as to why the money hadn't appeared in his original account (the one that I have access to). My gut was telling me all along that it was a sham as I've heard this excuse one too many times in the past.
He gambled away all his wages, the whole $2000 :(

I dont know what to do anymore.

Re: The Cycle of Deceit

Posted: Fri May 07, 2021 11:08 pm
by Jimap
@Joan

Oh Joan, my heart hurts for you. I know how upset you must be feeling. These were his decisions and you have done nothing wrong. My ex partner would go to great lengths behind my back opening up bank accounts, credit cards and using our offset mortgage account to use for his online sports betting. It’s exhausting trying to stay one step in front of them and being defeated time and time again. I feel your pain. Take care of yourself. Don’t let this addiction ruin you, you are worth more than that🙏

Re: The Cycle of Deceit

Posted: Sat May 08, 2021 12:26 pm
by Printemps
@Joan

It's heartbreaking to hear what has happened, a betrayal like that is so painful. Like @Jimap, please take care of yourself at this time. do you have friends or family around who can support you? As @Calvin (facilitator) mentioned, you can reach out for support to Gambler's Helpline on 1800 858 858. They offer counselling for family and loved ones as well as those who are struggling with their addiction. Please continue to reach out here, we're here for you

Re: The Cycle of Deceit

Posted: Fri May 21, 2021 10:43 am
by Calvin (facilitator)
Hi @Joan that sounds tough and quite confronting to learn this knowledge. Whats your next step from here do you think?