What can I do now?
My boyfriend of 10 years has what I consider a bad gambling problem. I am at a point right now where I don’t know what to do anymore, I have fallen into a deep depression myself and wonder how I can help him, his children, and now myself.
I had never been around gambling until I met him, so I guess I don’t realise the extent of what was happening for a long time. When we met he was separated from the mother of his children, his car was repossessed and his house was sold by the bank for not making repayments, he blamed this all on his ex and I naively fell for it. He never had any money, his house had no food and I was paying for everything from the get go, which I guess I did as I felt he had been going through a rough time because of his ex.
On my way home from work everyday I had to drive past the local pub, his car was always parked out the back, he would come home hours later telling me he had to work late. I said nothing. Then I found tab tickets in his work pocket, average spending $600 a day on the horses. I still said nothing.
Christmas comes and goes and every year i buy everything for his 3 kids, because apparently his ex takes all his money in child support.
Fast forward we rent a house, one week I am to pay rent/him the next, real estate turns up whilst he is not home to give us an eviction notice, we are 8 weeks behind and he had been telling the real estate he would fix it up soon and they had had enough. I tried to sort it out with them as I didn’t want to move, They offered me to stay on alone, but i couldn’t afford to, I had to rent a house in my name only as they black listed him, move to new house, he isn’t on lease, I pay all the rent every week and all the bills.
One day I snapped and confronted him on his gambling, he flew into a fit of rage and started calling me demeaning names and hit me. He left, I took him back.
Long story short, he is a business partner, he steals from his company to gamble and lies to accounting and his business partner, he spends all his pay on pay day on the horses and then borrows money from his mum everyday till next pay day. He did a cash job for $30k recently and lied to me about it and gambled the lot, he is never off his betting app on his phone and tries to hide it from me when I am in the room.
Recently for Melbourne Cup his betting provider and personal account manager for the betting company sent him a massive hamper of alcohol etc, he lied to me and said he must have been randomly selected. He denies he has an account manager but they send him messages all the time with deposit matches and bonus bets, I know this because when he got a message he asked me who it was, I read the message out and he laughed and said it must be a random one they send to everyone.
He made me leave my job to work for him so he knows how much I get paid, now he borrows money off me every week and rarely pays it back.
We had an argument recently and I tried to talk to him about it all, he pointed to the door and told me to leave or shut my mouth, putting it politely.
My children have grown up and left home, we have his children regularly and I am worried for them.
His moods are constantly changing yet he will not admit to anything, worse thing is he lies to me and everyone all the time about anything even trivial things and everyone is none the wiser as he presents well.
Sorry to go on, there is so much and I really need an outlet, I no longer have friends as he just gets mad and says people will poison me against him.
In the last 8 weeks he has borrowed over $20k from his mum as well as getting paid weekly, cash jobs at work, a directors payment weekly Of $1000 on top of his wage and money from me. I feel like it is spinning out of control.
I recently watched the show addicted australia with him to see if this could gently prompt him to seek help, nope no reaction other than him calling people pathetic and laughing.
He is 44 now and I am 38 and I just don’t know if he wants to change......... Is it possible he is happy with his life as is and seriously does not think he needs help? I don’t know if I should leave or if I should keep trying to help him............... What hurts the most is he treats me like I’m stupid, he obviously believes he has tricked me and I fall for all his lies, I feel like a fool.