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  • Wife of a gambler

    Is someone you care about experiencing issues with gambling? Come in here to discuss your concerns, connect, and get some helpful tips.
    Jimap
    Member
    Posts: 56
    Joined: Thu Apr 01, 2021 2:17 pm

    Re: Wife of a gambler

    Fri Jul 09, 2021 11:18 am

    Hi @Avakate
    I am reaching out to you as I also am struggling post Separation from my partner who is a gambling addict. I have gone no contact now unless child or property related as I am struggling to heal from this 15 year relationship that has been constantly filled with lies and betrayal. He moved out in January but we had separated months before that. We have been getting along well but I was still holding on to hope he would change. I am seeing a psychologist and reading lots of books about codependency and trying to get my life back but I still feel all this pain regarding my family being torn apart. I decided no contact as a way for me to move forward with my life and to stop living in a fantasy land that this man might love me. I also found out he saw someone else soon after he moved out and lied to me about it so again I feel another betrayal of my heart. Did you find things that were helpful for you to do?? Did your ex partner continue to gamble??? Is it wrong to keep loving them and wanting things to be different???
    Thanks 🙏
    1 x
    Avakate
    Junior Member
    Posts: 6
    Joined: Sat Sep 12, 2020 11:21 pm

    Re: Wife of a gambler

    Mon Sep 27, 2021 9:07 am

    Hi @Jimap
    I totally get your situation. As I write this….. I just wish I could be more helpful. Unfortunately my hurt is still as strong as it was 12 months ago. I have also stepped away from all contact. Unfortunately we still need to communicate because of children and shared mortgages. This makes it difficult because I’m dealing with someone who has ‘moved’ on with their life. This illness is so unfair because it’s the loved ones that end up far more damaged. My husband has apparently stopped gambling. Even that I do not understand. How does someone go from not being able to stop to just stopping?? The trauma of all of this has broken me. I am really trying but everyday is very hard. Triggers are everywhere. I was never able to ask my husband the questions I had as he was not willing to discuss his gambling at any point. I think for me this has been my biggest challenge. I plan on returning to counselling to address this. I live in a country area and it’s been difficult to find people with the experience in this area. I don’t think I will ever be the same. My future is worrying as I don’t have financial security. There were also relationship breakdowns in my family as a result of my husbands gambling. I lost my mother to cancer many years ago - so I do feel alone. I’m trying to accept that it’s ok to just have yourself.
    Good luck. I genuinely hope you come out the other side. If you have good family support and appropriate counselling that’s a good start. I know the size and hurt of my trauma won’t go away or change…..but it is my hope the things around it will be bigger one day.
    1 x
    Jimap
    Member
    Posts: 56
    Joined: Thu Apr 01, 2021 2:17 pm

    Re: Wife of a gambler

    Mon Sep 27, 2021 8:02 pm

    Hi @Avakate thank you for responding to my message it means a lot. I am still struggling some days. I also haven’t got all the answers from my ex but I really don’t think it would matter anyway, I am pretty sure he would lie about alot of things. He would get annoyed also when I would bring up the past and what the gambling had done. I believe it’s an avoidance technique so that he doesn’t have to take full responsibility and can continue to live in denial. We are having contact still but I try and keep it related to kids and house stuff as anything else is too painful. Like you I live in a rural town so it’s hard to find that good help unless I travel or do counselling over the phone. I have good family support which helps but I don’t feel I can talk about every that has happened to me because I still carry some shame and don’t want them to get angry.
    I am sorry about your mum passing this must be so difficult for you. Losing a parent is so heart breaking. I have reached out more to people to connect but don’t share what happened in my relationship. I know I will be okay alone but sometimes it can get overwhelming when I don’t have my little people around. I am sure you know how that feels. I also am packing up my home so this has made me feel quite sad that I will be leaving it soon and living somewhere else. I do feel positive that I can create positive memories again with my kids somewhere new.
    Thank you again for sharing your story, I pray that you will have good things come your way…you deserve happiness In your life❤️
    0 x
    Avakate
    Junior Member
    Posts: 6
    Joined: Sat Sep 12, 2020 11:21 pm

    Re: Wife of a gambler

    Mon Sep 27, 2021 10:31 pm

    Hi @Jimap ,
    Thank you for sharing more of your story with me. It breaks my heart to know that you are also travelling a similar path. My husband behaves in exactly the way….he hasn’t wanted to take responsibility. I think he also lives in denial! You may not feel it but I can tell in your written words you are strong. One of my good friends reminds me not to look too far ahead - to just take it minute by minute or hour by hour or day by day. It’s definitely helped me, as I don’t feel so overwhelmed about my future. As you pack up your house I hope this small piece of advice may help. My kids have kept me positive and I can tell that you have this too. I pray that you have the life you deserve too. Take care ❤️
    1 x
    Jimap
    Member
    Posts: 56
    Joined: Thu Apr 01, 2021 2:17 pm

    Re: Wife of a gambler

    Tue Sep 28, 2021 3:46 pm

    Thank you @Avakate this has meant a lot to me to know there is someone out there feeling similar to what I am feeling. I will definitely take on your advice about the minute by minute, day by day etc. I think we are both strong women and our children seeing this will only make them stronger too..take care❤️❤️
    0 x

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