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Partners addiction to pokies.

Posted: Sat Aug 29, 2020 10:02 am
by SammyT
Hello, I need some advice on what to do to help my partner. We have been together 4 years and she has always been someone to go on the pokies which I didn’t mind (I sit there and watch as I can’t stand them and know how much they suck you in)
Recenly I’ve noticed an increased use of the pokies and her lying about where she is which is what I’m getting concerned about. For the first time ever last week she had asked me for money which I sent as she is away in Queensland and I didn’t want her to go hungry and without (she did send it back on pay day) what I now realise is that could’ve been used to feed her addiction, I’m not 100% sure though. She has a very big addictive personality and just blows money like there’s no tomorrow but I feel the pokies is the worst spending she does. She is someone that loves her work but the last month she has hated it and seems depressed when that is never the case. I’m at the point where I don’t know what to do and I fear it will ruin our relationship as the lies are just unnecessary when if she told the truth I wouldn’t mind so much.

Re: Partners addiction to pokies.

Posted: Mon Aug 31, 2020 2:50 pm
by AGHS
Hi, firstly good on you for noticing the signs that you suspect your GF has developed a problem with pokies. Also, good on you for reaching out and seeking help. Unfortunately the lying comes with the territory of gambling addiction. Anybody that has a problem with gambling addiction can tell you that they will do or say whatever to cover their tracks and keep on gambling. There is a lot of shame and embarrassment for people with gambling problems to admit to it and your GF might not think she has a problem but you are seeing the changes in her which of course has you seeking help to help her. Also, given you are both in separate locations, all the more difficult for you to monitor her activities and perhaps try to talk to her about it. You also said that generally she loves her job but of late hates it and seems depressed. She may be at that point with her gambling where she is in financial trouble as gambling always inevitably will cause it. Maybe a surprise visit and take her out to dinner to a quiet place and connect with her by telling her how much you care about her and that you're worried about her? She could go either way, a gambler usually has to hit rock bottom before they realise they have a problem. You can access free counselling support yourself as a person affected by another persons gambling: 1800 858 858..free and confidential. It is also important for your GF to seek help if she is in agreeance. Generally, people with gambling problems have a host of underlying issues and they use gambling as an escape.

Re: Partners addiction to pokies.

Posted: Tue Sep 01, 2020 12:09 pm
by Calvin (facilitator)
Hi @SammyT and welcome to the forums!
Calvin here, I'm one of the facilitators!

I'd imagine this time to be quite stressful for you at the moment.
Have you had a discussion with your partner about your concerns for her gambling and how its making you feel?

@AGHS has offered some great insight into how gambling effects someone's mental health first hand.

It can take time for someone to admit to a gambling issue. In the meantime, try to protect yourself and finances.