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Severe debt and despair

Posted: Wed May 13, 2020 9:27 pm
by Utterlybroken
Hi, I am new to this forum. I recently found out my husband of 13 years has been gambling away everything we have. He has gambled away all my hard earned money. I literally have nothing left and am now in hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of debt that I simply cannot even contemplate getting out of. I am getting financial counseling support but it’s overwhelming to even think about how I recover from this when it’s something I have had no control over. I’m feeling really helpless and distraught.

How on earth to I even begin to rebuild my life??

Re: Severe debt and despair

Posted: Fri May 15, 2020 11:07 am
by AGHS
Firstly it takes a lot of inner strength to reach out to strangers for help and I commend you for doing this. You have every right to feel helpless and distraught and added to this, I could imagine, is the breakdown of trust in your relationship. You are dealing with a lot, you're wellbeing and health are most important to pull you through this hurdle. Reach out to family and friends for support, don't be ashamed, YOU have done nothing wrong. I found that by building a strong support network around me helps me through the most difficult times. Its good that you have sought financial counselling, hopefully an exit plan can be developed so as you come out of this phase intact and if it is your desire, still in a relationship. Gambling is a secretive, hungry, evil monster and as it has devoured your partner, it also devours you. That is the nature of gambling unfortunately. Has your partner sought help for his gambling addiction?? Not sure if he is gambling in venues or online but there are options for barring for both.
Be strong, look ahead and take care of yourself.

Re: Severe debt and despair

Posted: Sun May 17, 2020 7:21 pm
by Utterlybroken
Thank you for your advice and support. He is seeing a counselor which is a good step forward for him. I just still struggle with how I am supposed to deal with the aftermath of his addiction, afterall.. I am left with dealing with the debt and what it has done to my life. How have you dealt with this and managed to find a path forward?

Re: Severe debt and despair

Posted: Mon May 18, 2020 10:53 am
by AGHS
Hi, I think one thing you need to change is your perception that you are left dealing with the debt...you need to put this responsibility back onto your partner. You can also change how you perceive this has impacted on your life. Unfortunately what's done is done...there is no going back, no undoing the damage. I can only suggest that you plan into your future, use your experience to make yourself stronger and more resilient, then at least you are able to salvage some control and positive outcomes. Has your financial counsellor suggested declaring bankruptcy? I know this sounds very daunting but it may be a dignified way out for you. You CAN rebuild your life.....however you need to protect yourself from ever becoming a victim again. Gamblers struggle giving up, they will relapse, it is part of the process. Have you spoken to your bank about your situation also?? Banks do offer support to gamblers and others affected by gambling.
I occasionally think back to my situation and cant even fathom how much money was thrown away.....but I do not dwell on it, otherwise it makes me depressed. I have moved on and am now in an excellent financial situation. It took time, persistence, perseverance and belief that I would get to where I am today. Perhaps setting yourself a few short-term achievable goals, they will help to keep your mind focused and look forward.
Regards AGHS

Re: Severe debt and despair

Posted: Tue May 19, 2020 4:09 pm
by gzy3
Great encouragement and advice @AGHS !

@Utterlybroken Have you made an arrangement to protect your money and asset with help of your financial counsellor?
I know it must feel unreal and intolerable to think about how much money has been wasted. But as AGHS said it may be helpful to set up broken-down achievable goals and focus on one by one.
Also don't hesitate to get emotional support for yourself from your friends, family and us here. You don't need to go through this by yourself.

Re: Severe debt and despair

Posted: Mon May 25, 2020 4:44 pm
by AGHS
Hi Severe debt and despair, not sure if you are aware.........
Banks are now offering gambling blocking solutions. Blocks can be applied to credit and debit cards. Primary card holders, additional card holders, people who hold a Power of Attorney, and people who have third-party access to another person’s internet banking can all apply for a block. Might be worth a phone call.