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  • Feeling really hurt :(

    Is someone you care about experiencing issues with gambling? Come in here to discuss your concerns, connect, and get some helpful tips.
    SL92
    Junior Member
    Posts: 2
    Joined: Thu Jan 09, 2020 8:23 pm

    Feeling really hurt :(

    Thu Jan 09, 2020 8:51 pm

    Hi everyone,

    I'm Samantha - super new to this site, but hoping to get some guidance on how to support and help my partner.
    He has recently told me that he has been gambling his money on pokies, TAB (soccer, UFC etc).
    We only just got engaged last year, and i'm so hurt and feel betrayed by his actions as he has been doing all of his gambling off his accounts that I dont see.

    He recently went out with mates and blew upwards of $800 on gambling on pokies, and purposely took money out on his credit card so I would see it so he could get help from me... He suggested that we close all the accounts that I cannot see on our internet banking together, and opened brand new joint accounts and linked them all to my internet banking so i can keep track of all his finances. Which we have; I can now see the statements through my APP and it has made me so angry, sad and feel so betrayed that all of this has been going on for so long behind my back.

    I have tried to voice this to him and he shows so much remorse in his actions, and wants to be better and for me to help him - but I can only do so much, and now feel so overwhelmed with all the pressure of all our accounts! I have tried to ask him to go and see someone to help him through this because i think its important to see a professional and get a grip on what his triggers are and hot to avoid them etc, but he doesnt think he has a problem... Im so nervous about continuing through this, but what choice do I have? I love him so much, and want to be supportive, but I just dont trust him at all.

    He has NEVER touched our accounts that have thousands of dollars in there saving for our wedding - so he isnt eating into our saving money, but just feel like he could have contributed more to the savings instead of putting it in the pokies. He admits to being so bad with money, and promises me it will never have again...

    I have read some topics on here of people being great for years and then relapsing!!! Is there anyway that I can convince my partner to go to GA even with me, so we can work through this!?!
    2 x
    Ila123
    Member
    Posts: 42
    Joined: Fri Dec 07, 2018 11:50 am

    Re: Feeling really hurt :(

    Fri Jan 10, 2020 12:22 pm

    Hi @SL92

    I'm Ila123, one of the Gamblers Help Online moderators. Good on you for getting into touch with the forums, it is a good way to receive advice and support from those with similar experiences.
    I see you are going through a tough time, it is difficult seeing a loved one struggle with a gambling issue.

    It is really good that he allows you to keep track of his finances, but on the other hand, as you saif, it can be overwhelming.
    Have you discussed this with anyone else? What sort of supports do you have in place?

    Have you considered seeing a gambling counsellor and/or a financial counsellor? It can give you the opportunity to help decide on how to address this issue and to get support for yourself as priority - they can be a great support.

    Ila123
    0 x
    SL92
    Junior Member
    Posts: 2
    Joined: Thu Jan 09, 2020 8:23 pm

    Re: Feeling really hurt :(

    Fri Jan 10, 2020 5:17 pm

    @Mat@Matt1221

    Not sure why you go on here and say things that arnt of help...
    0 x
    shaun1
    Member
    Posts: 56
    Joined: Fri Sep 13, 2013 1:35 am

    Re: Feeling really hurt :(

    Sat Jan 11, 2020 4:38 am

    I feel like if he truly wants to stop, he needs to get out of those situations, self exclude from the places so he cant gamble, no reason he still go out with his mates and have drinks at the same places, just cant gamble or go in the pokie areas..

    also make friends aware, if they are real friends they will understand and help, not being idiots and ignore it..

    :)
    0 x

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