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  • Not sure what to do

    Is someone you care about experiencing issues with gambling? Come in here to discuss your concerns, connect, and get some helpful tips.
    Bambi83
    Junior Member
    Posts: 1
    Joined: Wed Jan 01, 2020 9:36 pm

    Not sure what to do

    Wed Jan 01, 2020 9:41 pm

    My husband has had a gambling problem for years (which I found out about after we were married). We had strategies in place but these do not seem to be working anymore. For example, today he has withdrawn $1000 from our account to bet on the horses and doesn’t think that there is anything wrong with that. That leaves us with no money for the fortnight - a fortnight that he knew we had extra expenses for, as we are both in my sisters bridal party next week. I am 5 months pregnant with baby number 2 (number one is 3yo). When I confront him about it, I just get accused for being emotional. Is it time to leave and put my children and my financial and emotional well-being first or do I stand by him and hope he snaps out of it soon?
    3 x
    Calvin (facilitator)
    Senior Member
    Posts: 463
    Joined: Tue Mar 27, 2018 5:01 pm

    Re: Not sure what to do

    Tue Jan 07, 2020 11:55 am

    Hi @Bambi83
    Welcome to the forums, Good on you for reaching out for some support.
    It can be really stressful for someone in your position, because it can sometimes feel your stuck on which direction to go and what to do.
    Many other forum members you'll find have similar experiences to yourself.
    When someone is in denial of an issue such as your partner it can be really damaging. Sometimes they can deflect their issues/blame on the party.
    It sounds like more communication could be useful at this time to determine what you should do for yourself. Have you considered seeing a gambling counsellor ? It can give you the opportunity to help decide on how to address this issue and to get support for yourself as priority.
    1 x
    Calvin (facilitator)
    Senior Member
    Posts: 463
    Joined: Tue Mar 27, 2018 5:01 pm

    Re: Not sure what to do

    Tue Jan 07, 2020 11:55 am

    Does anyone have any words of support for Bambi83?
    1 x
    AGHS
    Junior Member
    Posts: 29
    Joined: Tue Jul 25, 2017 10:43 am

    Re: Not sure what to do

    Mon Jan 13, 2020 5:28 pm

    Hi Bambi, it can be very difficult when you're partner gambles and doesn't put his family first. Unfortunately this is the nature of gambling, it doesn't care who it hurts, it just wants the money. Trying to talk to someone about a gambling problem can be difficult and I am not surprised that he turns it around on you and says YOURE emotional, good deflecting technique. If he wont listen, write him a letter. Suggest that he consider barring himself from gambling, that you both attend counselling, that you take care of the finances. Often people that gamble have things going on that they need to escape.......as stated in your last post, communication is so important. Is he happy, are you happy, is he providing the care, love, support your child and you need. You really need to ask these questions and decide what you want. Sometime we just cant help a gambler. Also sharing the information with his family and friends about the gambling may be another way to address the issue. Whatever helps. Best of luck.
    3 x
    gzy3
    Member
    Posts: 94
    Joined: Thu May 09, 2019 3:39 pm

    Re: Not sure what to do

    Tue Jan 14, 2020 1:18 pm

    Hi @Bambi83

    I am sorry to hear you are in such stressful and difficult situation in regard to your partner's gambling.
    I can imagine it is very frustrating and makes you feel lost with what to do.

    Asking yourself these questions may be helpful.
    - How long do you think you could continue this situation?
    - How do you think your family and couple life would look like in 1 month, 3 month and 1 year if this continued?
    - If you feel you can continue any longer, what actions would be your options?
    - What promise you would like to make with him to address this situation? (e.g. limiting his access to withdraw money, he should call Gambling Helpline to chat with counsellor, apply for self exclusion program, attending counselling etc)

    Talking these things via gambling counsellor/couple therapist would be helpful, too.
    Also don't hesitate to call Gambler’s Help on 1800 858 858.
    1 x
    Pac56
    Junior Member
    Posts: 1
    Joined: Fri Feb 07, 2020 7:24 pm

    Re: Not sure what to do

    Fri Feb 07, 2020 7:44 pm

    Hi @Bambi83 , it looks like you and me have similar stories. I too found out my husband had a gambling problem just after we were married, wiping our account and cash advance from the credit cards. Things hadn’t been too bad, but recently it’s just getting worse. Same as you, thousands taken out of the account without asking meaning I can’t pay the kids day care fees. And most recently he took hundreds of thousands from the home loan over a 3 week period. Money I though was safe and untouchable.
    I haven’t been on here before, but on the second forum chain I check we have the same story! It just goes to show we are not alone. And that gives me strength I guess.
    I’m at a loss of what to do too. The kids adore him, but I’m filled with so much hurt and distrust.
    Have you made an progress?
    2 x
    Springhope17
    Senior Member
    Posts: 234
    Joined: Fri Sep 08, 2017 10:16 pm

    Re: Not sure what to do

    Fri Feb 14, 2020 9:01 pm

    @P@Pac56
    Hi there,
    I would strongly recommend that you call up the helpline for some advice. I have done couples counseling before through gamblers help program and its the only reason that my husband and I are still together. You arent alone.
    2 x
    Jaremmymeow
    Junior Member
    Posts: 3
    Joined: Sat Jun 20, 2020 12:01 am

    Re: Not sure what to do

    Mon Jun 22, 2020 11:44 pm

    I think, first of all, you need to change the place of the game if everything is going so badly for you. Do not play anywhere, you definitely do not need it. First of all, see reviews and bonuses, it is very important not to lose. There is one wonderful site, https://casinotop.co.nz/casino-sign-up-bonus/ which just looks at various casinos which are most profitable to play. With this site, I stopped losing, and my victories are constantly increasing. I advise, and you will forget the word "defeat" with this site.
    1 x

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