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Husband spent family deposit on pokies

Posted: Fri Oct 18, 2019 10:02 pm
by kennafinnighan
Hi everyone!
I'm very new to this whole thing but I feel like my entire world is shattering.
Recently, I've been noticing some weird changes in my husband's behavior. He has been spending a lot of time on his phone which started bothering me. At first, I did not think much of it but then he got very secretive. He password-protected all his devices which led me into thinking he might be having an affair. One time, I saw him using pokies24 but as soon as I innocently asked him what it is he got very angry and defensive. I managed to crack his password one time and went through his phone. As it turns out, he's been playing pokies for at least months now, and instead of spending his salary on this, he pretty much emptied our family deposit.
I haven't confronted him yet, and I don't know how to approach this issue. Should I just pack my stuff and leave? Should I ask him to return the money first?

Re: Husband spent family deposit on pokies

Posted: Sat Oct 19, 2019 3:06 pm
by dragon007 (facilitator)
hi @kennafinnighan

I'm dragon007, one of the moderators here.

Welcome to the forum.

I'm sorry to read that you are currently in a difficult situation. I encourage you to read other stories that are similar to your circumstances and use the @mention function to send a message directly to other members you want to communicate with.

Please continue to share your story, I wish you all the best.

Take Care.

dragon007

Re: Husband spent family deposit on pokies

Posted: Mon Oct 21, 2019 3:01 pm
by AGHS
Hi @kennafinnighan ,

It would have been very difficult for you finding that your husband has spent the family deposit gambling and you are within your right to feel angry with him and consider leaving him. You also mentioned that he has been acting strange and secretive, unfortunately this is the nature of gambling. It can turn a completely normal individual in a lying, sneaky, angry and deceitful person. Gambling does this to people and gambling does NOT care who else gets hurt. You're husband sounds like he is addicted and would benefit from some form of professional intervention such as counselling services. You are also able to access these services too and may be beneficial in providing you with some strategies to help your husband and your relationship. Online gambling could be considered worst than venue based gambling because they can do it anywhere, anytime. Perhaps talk to your husband about barring from online gambling sites, installing an app that restricts content such as gambling. I think the best advice though is communicate with each other, you will both need to work together to beat this terrible addiction. Your husband probably thinks he is only losing money however he is and stands to lose so much more such as his family, home, time with his family to name a few. He is also at risk of developing physical and mental health problems as a result of his gambling. All you can do is try to get your husband to open up to you and agree to attend or seek some professional help which you can both access and make it clear what he stands to REALLY lose if he does not want to get help.

I really hope that things work out for you and your husband.
"Imagine a gambling free world"...................

Re: Husband spent family deposit on pokies

Posted: Mon Apr 05, 2021 11:17 pm
by tammyjeffords
Oh my.
Do we share a husband?
We were married for almost 10 years before the gambling thing happened. Same pattern: getting suspiciously protective over his electronics, hiding phone, staying very up very late at night, sleeping separately. Haven't heard of his fav site but my husband was using https://rocketplay1.com religiously which led to us going bankrupt. His explanation? He won a jackpot, and he wanted to do it again.
Yep, sure, he got lucky once but it was the road to nowhere.
I tried counselling, therapy, GA, you name it, and nothing helped. No matter how painful it might sound, divorce is your only option here. It sounds like you're still young so find a way out and start over.
Best of luck to you.

Re: Husband spent family deposit on pokies

Posted: Wed Apr 07, 2021 12:15 pm
by Jimap
Hi,

I feel your pain that this disease has caused you and your family. I recently separated from my partner of 15 years due to the effects of his gambling. I was unaware of his addiction when we met but also saw warning signs that I chose to ignore. Over the 15 years I have seen less of the man I felt in love with and more of someone who is irritable, easily annoyed, dishonest, deceitful, distant and uninterested in myself and his family as gambling his is first love. We have spent thousands and thousands of dollars paying credit cards and loans only to have them maxed out again and again. Unless your husband chooses to accept he has a problem then he will continue. I would confront him with the evidence and calmly talk to him about the issue. Seeking help for yourself before you decide to leave is so important as people can change if they really want it. Also I have found it super important to seek help for myself and learn more about this addiction and how I have contributed to the cycle of addiction (eg enabling behaviours). I am happy for you to inbox me if u need support😢

Re: Husband spent family deposit on pokies

Posted: Fri May 14, 2021 8:35 pm
by draglo
I never thought I would seek advice in a forum. I am not a gambling man and never understood how you can be addicted to the game. I'm in a relationship with a guy for about a year, we really love each other and we're good, but I recently found out that he plays online casino for money. We don't have a common budget, so I can't make a claim against him for spending common money, and honestly, I don't even know how much he spends on it. He says there's nothing wrong with that and that he likes to relax like that, says I have nothing to worry about. At what point should I start to worry?

Re: Husband spent family deposit on pokies

Posted: Sat May 15, 2021 7:52 am
by Jimap
Hi @draglo
Some of the things I would look out for would be if he is asking you for money to pay ‘bills’, if he gets paid and very quickly has no money left, if a lot of his spare time is being taken up with playing online, moodiness and irritability, if he has banks etc calling him regarding debt. I would encourage you to keep separate finances. I only really realised how bad my ex partners gambling was until we joined finances and had a baby. We recently separated after 15yrs together. There were warning signs at the start and I chose to ignore them as I loved him so much. If your partner has a problem he will lie to you. Not because he doesn’t love you but it’s part of the addiction. He may enjoy gambling online as a way to relax but if this is his only way he spends relaxing then it could become a problem... hope this helps take care...

Re: Husband spent family deposit on pokies

Posted: Sat May 15, 2021 11:37 am
by Printemps
hi @draglo ,

Thank you for reaching out. It is incredibly hard to see someone you love struggle with addiction. . @Jimap has give you some good things to watch out for and also good tips for managing finances if you are concerned. I also want to let you know that you can speak to counsellors at Gambling Help on 1800 858 858. There here to support people like yourself who are concerned about a loved ones gambling. Please keep us update on how you're going, and remember to also be kind to yourself right now.

Re: Husband spent family deposit on pokies

Posted: Wed May 19, 2021 12:42 am
by draglo
Thank you so much for your advice and concern!

Re: Husband spent family deposit on pokies

Posted: Wed May 19, 2021 1:24 pm
by Steadly
Does he still gamble ?