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  • He isn't in debt, but it's always there and he wants me to do it too.

    Is someone you care about experiencing issues with gambling? Come in here to discuss your concerns, connect, and get some helpful tips.
    anxious1
    Junior Member
    Posts: 1
    Joined: Thu May 30, 2019 1:11 pm

    He isn't in debt, but it's always there and he wants me to do it too.

    Thu May 30, 2019 1:34 pm

    Hi,
    I'm trying to work out if I should be worried or not. My husband gambles every day, online on sports, horses, at the TAB at the weekend, sometimes goes to the casino. He will spend 1000s at a time, but he is so good at it that he is overall up by a lot. He also only uses the money generated from this hobby to do this - as far as I can tell - but I cant help but feel scared that this could become more one day. Lately he's been drinking when he gambles, which makes him gamble more recklessly and loses. He spends an afternoon at the TAB at the weekend, and I feel sad that he is not spending this time with me and our small child. He's also asked me to register for accounts so that we can double the winnings and put the money towards our child's future, but I just don't want to get involved. I don't want this in our lives. I would rather have time together as a family than any money that might be generated from it.
    How can I get this across to him without him being defensive and angry at me for days? I feel like his "hobby" is more important to him than our relationship and family time, whereas he thinks its just a harmless hobby. He seems overall in control, and not in debt, and he is open about what he spends and wins/loses. Do I have a right to be this upset?
    2 x
    Keeton
    Senior Member
    Posts: 154
    Joined: Mon Jun 23, 2014 2:19 pm

    Re: He isn't in debt, but it's always there and he wants me to do it too.

    Thu May 30, 2019 6:16 pm

    Hi anxious1,

    I myself am a compulsive gambler. I can sort of relate to your husbands story. While i don't do sports betting or TAB, gambling is one of those habits that starts off fun, then becomes a problem. My concern is that when he does lose (and he will), will he be able to stop at that point or become so hopeful to keep that winning feeling, that he will keep going. Gambling on any form is a form of a rush, which you only get only when you win. However, once we start to lose, we crave that winning feeling and keep going recklessly to get it back.

    My advice would be to to have a discussion to him that you are worried it could become a problem. Maybe let him know that it's not about the money and that you would rather spend the time with him instead. Remind him that winning is only a short term thing and that losing will happen. try not to judge him as this can only create conflict.

    Most importantly, good on you for seeking help with your husband. You should be proud.

    All the best,

    Keeton
    3 x
    Calvin (facilitator)
    Senior Member
    Posts: 282
    Joined: Tue Mar 27, 2018 4:01 pm

    Re: He isn't in debt, but it's always there and he wants me to do it too.

    Sat Jun 01, 2019 8:18 pm

    Hello @anxious1 and Welcome to the forums!

    I'm Calvin, one of the facilitators. You will find that other members may be experiencing similar experiences to yourself at this time.

    It can be extremely difficult for the loved ones of someone who gambles and can cause a lot of stress.

    @Keeton has pointed out that even though your husband may be winning, eventually there comes a time where people who gamble, fall into the trap of chasing losses (sometimes without realizing)

    Its good to hear that you have stood your ground in terms of not wanting to get involved in gambling yourself. It can be useful to have that discussion about your concerns and also your feelings around not being a priority at the moment.
    1 x

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