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Have I been enabling?

Posted: Thu Apr 18, 2019 1:32 am
by Hero
My 26 year old boyfriend of over a year told me that he has had a gambling problem in the past, but has been fine since.
I’m convinced by his behaviour and secrecy that it has become a problem again.

Over the last year he has made up one million and one convincing excuses as to why he needed money, which I gave him, always giving him the benefit of the doubt and thinking I needed to trust him for this relationship to work.

I can’t believe it’s happened but it’s gotten to the point where I’m thousands of dollars in debt because of my giving into him. I’ve questioned him about the gambling and he denied it. I don’t know what to do to help him because he hasn’t admitted anything. I’m angry at him, disappointed and hurt beyond belief yet somehow I still love him.

Am I making the wrong choice staying in this relationship? Will he ever admit he has a problem?

Re: Have I been enabling?

Posted: Mon Apr 22, 2019 1:00 pm
by tennisstar (facilitator)
Hello Hero,

tennisstar here, one of the forum moderators.
It sounds like things are really difficult for you, and I get a sense that continuing to give him money hasn't worked for either yourself or himself.
It's understandable to feel frustrated and sense that he may be gambling, given his behaviour.
What support do you have for yourself? Have you spoken to anyone about this matter? What other indicators are there that may suggest he is gambling?
I wonder if calling the Gambling Helpline on 1800 858 858 might be useful for you to unpack this matter with a trained professional?

Kind regards,

Re: Have I been enabling?

Posted: Mon Apr 22, 2019 8:29 pm
by Hero
Thanks tennisstar.

Yes things are difficult because I know I’m being lied to, I just don’t know the extent.
I see a psychologist to deal with the stress and anxiety around my financial situation so I am getting some support there.

I believe I have seen my bf place bets on his phone, when I come over the newspaper is opened to the racing section, the secrecy around me seeing his phone makes me think he doesn’t want me to see the betting apps he has on there.

I called the hotline months ago and the advice was to ask him about his behaviour. Maybe it’s worth me calling again.

Thanks for the reply.

Re: Have I been enabling?

Posted: Mon May 06, 2019 7:42 pm
by Peach
The problem with supporting a gambler is even when they tell you about their gambling, how can you trust they’re telling you about all of it? The number of times my partner has minimised the issue or downplayed the debt... it’s so hard to trust