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  • How do you not be resentful

    Is someone you care about experiencing issues with gambling? Come in here to discuss your concerns, connect, and get some helpful tips.
    JoMc
    Junior Member
    Posts: 3
    Joined: Fri May 18, 2018 6:09 am

    How do you not be resentful

    Sun Nov 18, 2018 9:58 am

    How do partners of gamblers contain the resentment towards their partner? I just want to punish him, and tell him off and I can’t help being sarcastic. Will this feeling go away? It’s only been 2 days since he finally admitted what I suspected all along...
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    Dockers6 (facilitator)
    Junior Member
    Posts: 15
    Joined: Tue Mar 27, 2018 4:04 pm

    Re: How do you not be resentful

    Sun Nov 18, 2018 5:33 pm

    Jomc,

    Affected partners responses to a loved one with problematic gambling can vary. It is perfectly ok to feel isolated with resentment. Time will allow your partner to start to regain some control back into his life, while yourself being alongside that journey may reduce feelings of resentment over time.

    Dockers6
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    JoMc
    Junior Member
    Posts: 3
    Joined: Fri May 18, 2018 6:09 am

    Re: How do you not be resentful

    Sun Nov 18, 2018 10:42 pm

    I feel like I’m on a roller coaster...one minute I’m not leaving and I’m going to stick by him...the next I am planning on leaving. I just don’t know what to do. Are there ANY success stories at all? I’m grieving for the amazing man I’ve lost
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    TimTam
    Member
    Posts: 71
    Joined: Thu Oct 11, 2018 9:13 am

    Re: How do you not be resentful

    Thu Nov 29, 2018 10:34 am

    Hi JoMc,

    What you are feeling is completely normal for partners to feel. You sometimes feel stuck on what to do next. There certainly are many success stories of people quitting gambling, however it only works if they are motivated to quit. It also helps when people have supports in place, however in saying that its also important for you to know how much support you are willing to give. Have you thought anymore about what you might do next?

    TimTam
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    JAPAZ
    Member
    Posts: 30
    Joined: Sun Mar 24, 2019 8:00 pm

    Re: How do you not be resentful

    Mon Mar 25, 2019 10:57 am

    The two combined successful traits I would look for in him/her. That they genuinely want to quit, and that they also feel they have to quit. Somebody carrying both of these at the same time is highly likely to stay away from it forever. There is a minor chance of relapse, though. A person who is far removed (weeks? months?) from their most angriest thoughts about gambling could start to feel less anti-gambling as they forget those feelings and get sucked back in by the glamour or supposed thrill. That is when they could be more vulnerable to gamble again.

    I think continuing the talks about how bad gambling is, and even exposing them to forums like this will be beneficial so they can remember just how bad gambling is. Do it in such a way that they hate the gambling and not themselves. Yes, a gambler does have to feel some accountability for their past mistakes, but they are now in a new life away from gambling, so encourage them that they are not a gambler anymore. The worst thing a past gambler can feel is still that they are a bad gambler (even when they aren't anymore). What motivation otherwise is there for them to quit when they are still treated like a troubled gambler?
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